I'm Half Empty

[HalfEmpty]

I'm really scared to post this thoughts of mine, so please don't be mad at me. I hope you all understand. "what if I don't trust him coz I know he's not being honest with me"?????

Deeply Sad and Half empty 

[Buttercup]

Don't be scared about posting your thoughts. xxx

In what way don't you think he's being honest?

Sometimes we don't tell the people closet to us everything for fear of hurting them more, I know I'm guilty of this at times. xxx

[Zaf]

No one will be mad at you &*(

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

We will not be mad at you, never be afraid to post your thoughts and worries.

S x x

[HalfEmpty]

Thank you all very much for your kind understanding. I am really struggling at the moment. I really really love my hubby but I feel that he's not being honest with me. I think I would rather he screams and shouts at me than lie to me.

I got a feeling today he is hanging to all the memories he had (still have) with our ex-collegue. The one he had an affair with.

On Monday he asked to meet me after work. We went out for a walk. I noticed that he is wearing a bracelet that I've not seen before. When we got home (we went home I'm separate car, I met him straight after work) he's not wearing the bracelet anymore. I've asked him about it. He denied it to start with but when I said insisted what I saw, he said he bought it for himself months ago. He never bought anything for himself before without showing me or telling me. I knew the bracelet was given to him by HER coz I've seen HER wearing one before.

Also tonight, he started talking about having a tattoo. A tattoo is another one that they both talked about in emails that I have found. In one of my husbands email to HER, he told her that he won't rest until he gets a tattoo as a permanent reminder of her.

I really wanted to let him know what I think but I don't want to put him on deeper depression. He's still suffering with some side effects of citalopram. He's got really bad muscle and joint aches and last night he needed help to walk around the house 

He's got he's first appointment with a counsellor tomorrow. What do I need to expect after the session?

I'm sorry for all this but I still doesn't have anyone to talk to apart from all of you good people.

[Sweetpea]

I can unerstand your feelings of feeling he is lying to you.  Maybe he is just mixed up at the moment, depression can make us think strange things at times.  Maybe the counselling will help him get over these feelings of the past.

Counselling can bring up a lot of memories and feelings from the past that need to be dealt with.  He could well be very upset by these feelings.  I know I was a complete wreck, emotionally and mentally.  He may want to talk about what went on in his counselling or not, everyone is different.

I do hope the counselling helps your partner, it has helped me greatly.

Remember we are here for you.

S x x

[HalfEmpty]

Thank you Shaz. I know I'm being selfish now, just thinking of my insecurities instead of fully supporting hubby. Someone described Depression to me as a BEAST. And it is true.

I can't imagine how it feels like to be sufferer. I take my hats off to everyone who came out the other end stronger.
Forgive me for moaning.

Thank you again Shaz. X

[Sweetpea]

You are not moaning, you have every right to be concerned.   Its so hard for loved ones to know what to do or say.

You take care

S x x

[Buttercup]

Agree with Shaz

I hope it goes well today. I often didn't want to talk to anyone about anything after my sessions.

Xxx

[Zaf]

Thinking of you

Z xxx

[HalfEmpty]

Im really having a difficult time at the moment. Sufferers might say " you don't know what difficult means".

Difficult because, one, I don't know how to help my Hubby and two my daughter just told me that she's having difficulty coping with his depression too.

Hubby had his first counselling session last Friday. Just before the appt he phoned me at work and told me that he doesn't think he can do it. I managed to encourage him and although he seems ok soon after the session, this weekend has been difficult.

He's been in bed most of the time yesterday and today, he's hasn't been out the bed apart from going to the loo.
I think he's been suffering with terrible side effects. He said both his legs are very painful and also his back (kidney area) and shoulder area. Because of his leg pain, he's not walking very well. He's very shaky, not eating and constantly in tears 

This is his 4th week with Citalopram. And he's having to take some diazepam too. I fear that he is relying too much now with diazepam. I don't know, is it? He's got an appt with the GP tomorrow. Will the GP ask him to carry on despite all this bad side effects or change his Meds. If he change it, is he going to start from scratch again, not if its not making any difference anyway.

I tried to reassure my daughter and her fiancée. They are continuing in planning their wedding in 7 months time and because of my hubby's illness, we're not able to help them with the planning.

My daughter feels really resentful of everything. I guess she doesn't really understand. I don't understand so it's difficult for me to explain.

When my hubby is really really upset, Id asked him what makes him so upset. Ive asked him to break his thoughts down to small pieces, maybe I could help. But he said he doesn't know why he's upset. It's just happens and he can't control the overwhelming emotions.

Is it normal for sufferer to be really emotional even though they don't know why???
I can remember before, many moons ago,when I'm upset and I told him I don't know why I'm upset, hubby told me that I can't be upset for nothing.

I got so many things that needs doing but I can't. I don't really mind because my priority is to help hubby. But I don't really know how. I'm here waiting for any movement in the bedroom and check if he's ok.

My life seems to be on hold but I can't afford to just sit here and do nothing because life will continue whether he's I'll or not.

I'm pretty sure that GP will put him off work for a few more weeks. With just my wage coming in, we are going to be in financial trouble very soon.

How long do sufferers normally be off work?

I'm sorry this is very long again. I didn't mean to.

So so sad and alone 

[Zaf]

It might help if you read this and show it to your daughter http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html or a little book of the same name.

Counselling, while often very useful in the long run, can be pretty traumatic at times and incredibly tiring, try not to worry if your husband seems worse afterwards for the first two or three sessions.  Its also very usual not to know why we are upset, we can have a good day and then suddenly reduced to tears for absolutely no reason, I know that doesnt help you but I hope it will reasure you that its quite normal.

I think the best way to help your husband is simply tell him that you are for him when he needs you and carry on with normal things as far as possible or if you have time, and if he finds it helps, simply sit with him and hold him, even just his hand.

Its not possible to say what his GP will decide to do or how long he will be signed off but it is very important to tell the doctor how bad things are as some depressed people try to put on a brave face which results in not getting the treatment they need.

I hope this helps

Z xxx

[Sweetpea]

The article Zaf has posted a link to, explains things so well I think and should help your daughter understand.

I understand the crying, I would cry and shake uncontrollably and just could not stop, I too just wanted to curl into featal position and shut the world out.  Sometimes I wanted cuddles from hubby and sometimes just wanted to be left alone.  I agree with Zaf, just be there when he needs you and try to carry on as normal, I felt bad enough and I personally did not want to disrupt the rest of my family anymore than I was.

I also agree that it will be up to your gp as to when your husband should return to work, all I would say it should not be too soon as going back early would be detremental to his recovery.

S x x x

[HalfEmpty]

Hi again everybody. It's been a while since I last posted something.

Just wondering, does anybody know or heard about 5-HTP?? My hubby wanted some herbal medicine that could help him with his depression. We went to a health shop and the shop owner recommended it. Hubby spoke to duty doctor today and asked him if it's ok to take with citalopram. Duty doctor doesn't know much about 5-HTP so he can't make a decision.

Any thoughts or advice or experiences if any please I would be very gratefull.

My best regards to all.
HalfEmpty xx

[Got]

'
Just because its herbal doesn't means its ok to mix with other medicines.

Its a question of its specific biochemical interaction with the citalopram and also your husband as an individual. If your husband feels unsatisfied with his citalopram perhaps he could change medication.

Just because its called 'herbal' doesn't in anyway make it inert...if it was inert it would be pointless taking it anyway. For example, when sheep are given st Johns Worts, they develop mania and walk around in circles....buts its known as a herbal remedy.