I'm Half Empty

[Buttercup]

I'm pleased you've both got something to look forward to :)

I too will phone my husband when I'm feeling really awful, just hearing his voice makes me feel better, he doesn't need to say anything in particular, but to just talk normally, tell me how his days going that sort of thing. 

It sounds silly but at times I end up feeling very venerable and need the reassurance of my husband just to do the simplest things like go for a walk or do the shopping, I know that I'm not alone with this feeling.

It's tough for you, my advice is to just be there, he will appreciate what you are doing even if he doesn't show it.

[KateG]

Half empty, I think you're doing so well. Like Buttercup said, just knowing that you're there will make the world of difference to him

&*( for you both

Kate x

[Sweetpea]

Thats wondeful that you have something so lovely to look forward to.

I have done the same many times ringing my hubby in tears and just needing to hear his voice, depression is very scarey and sometimes we just need to hear a loved ones voice.

I am glad you had a long chat and a hug with your OH, I am  sure he appreciated this.

Hang in there, things will get better for you both.

S x

[Zaf]

I am full of admiration for you HalfEmpty, you are such a wonderful caring person, I know from my own experience of depression how much I appreciate my husband's help when I'm bad and that I feel guilty of putting him through so much while I'm really down with this horrible illness.

We go through so many, and often conflicting, emotions during our illness and recovery but we do appreciate the help our partners give us even if we dont always show it.

Thinking of you xxxx

[Glen53]

You are welcome for the advice. If you ever need to talk or ask anything then feel free to message us.

Sometimes its needed to hit rock bottom before you can pull yourself up. I can remember doing the same thing you describe - going for a walk in 2010 and falling apart. My wife came to pick me up and we sat in a car park in the car and talked - i ended up crying too. I worried her to the point she wanted to take me to a crisis centre but I decided to try to cope myself. With her support I was able to carry on.

From my point of view I felt a complete failure for not being able to cope with the things I had always taken in my stride. It was terriying for me but also for Rachel. Her suggestion that I needed to care for myself for a change was hard to accept, but i did realise very quickly that I could not take on others problems at that time because I was so run down. I took a few months to take things easy and concentrate on myself,  but the real key to my recovery was talking to Rachel. It helped us both - me to talk about my feelings and Rachel to understand why I felt the way i did. Talking to each other is so important.

Perhaps it would help for him to focus on something upbeat as well. Maybe try to get him to focus on your daughters wedding? He may be scared about his condition and how he will be at that time but if its at the end of the year, it gives him time to recover and gives him a goal to aim for.

I hope the coming weeks are kinder to you both, and dont forget we are here to talk to if you need to.

Take care.

G.

[HalfEmpty]

Again, my deepest gratitude to all your posts. You dont know how I look forward to visit this site to read all your kind words.

I had to come home early from work today. Hubby is not too again. He's been taking his med for nearly 2 weeks now and I just really want my husband back.

I broke down today. I didn't want him to see me upset but I just couldn't hold it in. I just wished I didn't cry infront of him. I hope I didnt make him feel bad. He apologised for putting too much on me. I told him that I am just a bit tired and I'm upset of the illness and not him. I've asked him to be strong and get better soon because I terribly miss his old self.

I've asked him if he would like to go away for the weekend. Change of routine and environment might cheer him up a bit. Is it a good idea?

He's desperately would like to go back to work but I don't think he is ready yet. But I know that it is extremely difficult time when everybody is at work and he's alone in the house.

Thank you again for listening. Shaz, Buttercup, Kate G and Zaf. You all a treasure. Glen53, one day, I might just take your offer.

Goodnight all. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

HalfEmpty xxxx

 

[Buttercup]

Hi Half empty.

Most meds take 6+ weeks to work effectively, so hang in there.

I rushed back to work too early, my GP wasn't keen and it really wasn't a good idea as I don't know when I will return to work now.

Buttercup xxx

[Sweetpea]

2 Weeks on meds is not a long time, but if you are concerned maybe he could go and see his gp and just voice his concerns, maybe he could be offered something to help him through until the meds kick in.

I don't think it was a bad thing to cry in front of your OH, you are sharing your feelings and you need to get these feelings out other than bottling them up.

A weekend away maybe a good idea, maybe not to far and nothing too stressful, I know when I was at my worst I really couldn't cope with anything stressful.

I really don't think going back to work is a good idea, he needs time to heal and going back to work would maybe knock him further back.

 &*( &*( for you both.

S x

[Zaf]

I agree with buttercup and shaz, my meds usually take 4-5 weeks to take effect - if I'm not showing improvement then I go back to the doc as I often need the dose increased.

I'd let your husband decide on the weekend away, there were times when just leaving the house for me was too much stress, at other times I felt the need to escape from my present surroundings.

Work is definitely not a good idea atm

Z xxx

[Glen53]

I agree with all of the above. With some medications for depression it can take nearly 2 months to be fully effective so its not a quick fix. Hopefully within the next few weeks you will strat to see a mild improvement.

As said before though we are all here for you both if you need to talk.

[HalfEmpty]

Thank u all again. My hubby is not doing very good at the moment. I came home from work and he's been crying.

He asked me if it's ok for me for him to have a few days away on his own. I said "no, not in his current state of mind". Have I done the right thing?????

Please help. What should I do and say???

HalfEmpty x

[KateG]

Half empty, I think you have done the right thing.

If he asked for a few hours then that's a bit different, but if I asked for a few days on my own then my OH would react the same way you have. He worries about me while he's at work, because I tend to depress myself and when he gets home I'm in tears, so I can only imagine how much of a state I would work myself into if it were days.

I'd ask him why he feels he needs so much time on his own and just listen to his reasons

&*( for you both

[Sweetpea]

I agree you have done the right thing by saying no.  I can understand he needs space, but my OH would have been very concerned if I had asked the same thing when I was first diagnosed.

I think Kate is right maybe ask him why he feels the need to be left on his own.

 &*( for both of you.

S x

[HalfEmpty]

Reason why he said he wanted to go away for a few days is because he couldn't stand seeing how sad we all are around him and how we must feel when he's upset and crying all time. ( my daughter and her fiancée lives with us). He said if he goes somewhere he could just cry and cry without worrying about us. I tried to reassure him, hopefully he understood why I couldn't let him go. He said he was going this afternoon but couldn't leave without talking to me first.

He also asked me if it be better off if he goes back to crisis centre. I don't really know what he wanted. He is full of negative thoughts and I feel I'm running out of things to say. Our company does not pay sick pay apart from the SSP so he is really worried about being off for a while.

He said he feels that he hasnt got anymore energy to full himself out of this and he said that he feels that he just want to go sleep and not wake up again.

I would like to thank everybody for their kind response. I wouldn't know what I do if I hadn't found this site. Thank you all for your support.

Xxx

[Zaf]

They are very common feelings HalfEmpty but you dont always need to find something positive to say apart from saying you will support him whatever happens and are there for him if he needs to talk.

Z xxx