It's okay to ask for help!

[Russell]

As I continue to deal with my depression/anxiety issues, a couple of things that I have learnt and seem to be working.
*Accept that I have this personality type and remember it in all my decisions
*Realise I can't do everything on my own,sometimes it's okay to say NO
* Not spend time trying to please everyone else and forgetting about me
* Remember all the positive effects I have on those around me
There are times when I am low that I find it easy to forget these things,but I'm trying to keep them at the forefront of my mind

[Pip]

Saying the 'n' word is a hard word for me to say 

[Russell]

Me too Pip! But I have said yes too often and suffered as a consequence.

[Pip]

That's my problem too and I have suffered emotionally and physically as well sometimes as I have osteoathritis.  My husband has started getting firm with me.  I am a member at one Methodist / Anglican church as I'm more involved there and my husband is a member and steward at another Methodist church ~ the churches are in the same circuit.  He knows that I wont stop commitments at my church as I really enjoy what I do plus the co-ordinator keeps an eye on me as she knows I have health issues including osteoarthritis.  However my husband will tell our friends at the other church that I can't help out there at certain times as I need a break and we haven't stopped for weeks due to a weekend event at his church this coming weekend.  It's not just making arrangements we have had to do quite a bit of running around to finish getting the church hall painted (it was grotty), getting and delivering leaflets and so on.  My husband is out tomorrow and Friday for the final push and told our friends I won't be helping tomorrow as I need the rest.  The trouble is it's always the same few each time doing the hard work.

[Russell]

Hi Pip,totally relate! As part of a self driven CBT exercise,I have volunteered as a tour guide for a Victorian Coffin Works in Birmingham. Having done the 3 weeks training I had to give my first practice tour on Saturday and had a full on panic attack! Left me wiped for the next 24 hours. I was promoted at work to a new position and had to step down as I simply couldn't handle the pressure. Seems my problem is I'm so desperate to impress people that I forget myself. I'm really trying to put myself first so that I'm actually a better person to know and it's tough to do! I'm sure you're a lovely person and you need to look after you first,sounds like you have a brilliant hubby

[Pip]

I suffer with anxiety and did a CBT course online with telephone calls.  It really helped as I would get very anxious in shops particularly when they are busy.  I still suffer a bit with anxiety but it's easier to cope.  It also got easier for me recently as I have been awarded the enhanced level of PIP and motability.  We decided to go for a car as the motability covers the lease, servicing (includes tyres) and insurance.  I have got a free tax disc as well so we only have to pay for petrol.  Driving helps me as I have to concentrate on on that.

It is hard to put yourself first - seems to be a trait with people who suffer with depression. Trying to impress others does cause problems as you found out for yourself as you was pushing yourself too hard. Being able to tell other people what you can cope with at work is a social skill and one that should be taken seriously by bosses.  We don't learn that skill until we start work and it can be difficult when you want to do well and don't want to appear weak / not being able to cope.