Not sure where else to go with this?? Can anybody here help?

[Mal101]

Hi All,

I have found myself on this site to talk about my wife who I suspect is suffering with depression. I am unsure where to turn. I have been to my GP who was as helpful as she could be.  Although, it is really my wife she needed to talk to.

I have talked to my wife about our situation and as time goes by the more i feel that she isn't handling the many things we have to deal with too well. That is not to say that i expect her to. I just feel like she is 'coping' with life day to day instead of living it.

She does not sleep well and constantly complains of tiredness. She becomes anxious at most things. Some of them are justified but some are very small by comparison. The point is that they all make her become anxious to the same degree. She is forgetful and finds it hard to focus on daily tasks. She seems to lack motivation to do the daily household jobs (I will stress that this is an observation and not a criticism!). These jobs do get done by me without comment or complaint. She approaches most things with a 'can't do' attitude when the things that she will be doing are more than achievable.

I have approached the subject of getting some help with our situation via her GP. This is met with a defensive tone and that she is determined that she will not go on medication and that she is OK. We talk about counseling but this is met again with  a defensive tone and she is convinced that CBT or the like will not help her.
She has been depressed previously (maybe 10 years ago)and took medication to help her through it. She says that it just made things 'fuzzy' but didn't really solve the problem. All that said, she did come through the last episode and i believe that she can do it again.

I realize that i have jumped around a bit in the above paragraphs and i hope that it makes sense. I have also skipped over our full situation. However, i suppose i am reaching out to anyone who has felt the same way about getting medical help. I love my wife very much and desperately want to help her, but as time goes on i see her go through peaks and troughs of highs and lows. If there is any way I can help to bring her through this (and I do believe she can come through it) I feel that i need to try every resource available.

Any comments or input would be greatly received,

Thanks in advance,

Mal

[stewart]

Hi Mal, and welcome to the forums.
while im no doctor, it does indeed sound like your wife has depression.

her previous experiance with medication making things seem 'fuzz' can happen, depending on the medication used, and her bodys reaction to it, telling the doc this, and then requesting a difrent medication would be the way to go, there are a lot of people who have to try several meds before finding one that works for them, and maybe this can even be a combination of meds.

allso, it could be a trade off between the fuzzy feeling and the desperation of depresion feeling.

[Mal101]

Thanks Stewart, this will be one to drop into the discussion about going to the GP. Although these disscussions can be few and far between as I try to let her initiate them. I'm not always sure when she wants to talk about these things and I  am mostly met with a frosty response when I try to start them.

[SteveW]

I was sorry to hear of your wife's difficulties. I was faced with a virtually identical situation when I was carer for my father. I'm sure your approach of  gentle but persistent persuasion is the best one. But there is one thing that you might not have thought of. There are now quite a few Cognitive Therapy Workbooks on the market. I've looked at a few and they seemed pretty good. Your wife might feel that she is able to use something that is private. If she began to improve her attitude to professional treatment might alter. Amazon has a whole load of workbooks. I wish you the best of luck.

[Mal101]

Thanks Steve, I'll check those out. You're right i hadn't thought of it that way. Private stuff may just help her along the way
Cheers

[Pip]

Welcome!

When I did CBT last year I did it online and had phone calls.  The good side to it was I was able to go at my own pace, it got me thinking and coping with certain situations such as preventing panic / anxiety attacks in supermarkets.  The downside was it didn't help with triggering comments when I was very depressed.

Do you think you might be able to get your wife see the GP just for the tiredness?

She might be a bit more compliant if she believes you're backing off and that you're just concerned about her being tired.

With regards to medication there are different types and not all make a person feel 'fuzzy'.  Years ago I was on an anti depressant that I gradually had increased.  Eventually it did help stop me feeling depressed but I felt like a zombie.  After several months I stopped taking it.  I have taken Citalopram which helped for several months but then stopped working for me.  At the moment I'm not taking medication for depression but I am taking medication for other reasons.  One of them is Amitriptyline which I take for pain and it was increased a while back to help me sleep.

[Mal101]

Thanks Pip, this is all fantastic stuff. I need to digest it all and try to apply it to our situation.

[SteveW]

One thing occurred to me. When my dad was depressed and not acknowledging it I gave him a copy of a depression measurement form to fill in. I hoped he would recognize himself in it. He didn't but your wife might. The form asks you to pick an option rated 0 to 3. Zero indicates not depressed, one mildly depressed, two moderately depressed, three severely depressed. It is best to form an over all impression. Here is a link to a copy of it.

     http://www.ibogaine.desk.nl/graphics/3639b1c_23.pdf

Love

Steve

[Mal101]

Thanks for that Steve,
I did one of these online a few weeks back. It wasn't as detailed though.
I did one for me and one as if i was my wife (i tried to answer as accurately as i could). She scored as moderately depressed according to my answers.
I think that my wife will see straight through this in its raw form (she did an AS level in counselling and does not see the point of it) but maybe i could drop some of the questions in when we chat so it is not so blatant.
Food for thought... thanks again.