Can someone please help me?

[Keren]

I typed in 'fear of doctors'. What I apparently have is called Iatrophobia..   There is a lot of information, and forums.  I'm so tired.. I don't really want to say all my past again but I'll have to if I want help won't I?   I haven't looked at the Samaritans yet

[KateG]

Maybe you could print off what you've posted on here and give it to them, or cut and paste it into an email, so you don't have to be distressed repeating it again?

[Sweetpea]

I agree with Kate, if you write down or print out how you feel, you can just hand this to the dr so you would not have to speak if its too hard.  I am sure you are not alone in how you feel about dr's.  I hate going and always break down so I find it hard to speak.

S x x

[Keren]

I don't like the sound of handing it to them. I'm frightened that a doctor will have my information and will want to see me.  I'm so frightened of being locked away, I haven't liked to say that to you because I know how it's going to make me sound. I know I have a huge problem.. It was drummed into me that I'd be locked away, he used to beat it into me so that I wouldn't forget.  thats why i'm so petrified of all this.. I don't expect you to understand, I must sound crazy. I'm frightened I'm going to get on your nerves. youre going to lose patience with me. I'm sorry I'm like this..  sorry if i'm rambling, I feel like I'm at the end of what I can cope with..

[Keren]

Im sorry about my message earlier. Im panicking. Is it better if I leave this forum? I know I must be hard work, .  I dont know what to do but I will leave if its easier

[Zaf]

You are most welcome to stay, it does sometimes take a little while to get an answer, we arent ignoring you

Z xx

[Keren]

Sorry, i didn't mean it like that.. I hope I didnt sound rude. I just meant maybe I should leave because I know Im not being much help..  I feel very vulnerable at the moment.. I did look at the samaritans. I'm going to try and leave a message on there tomorrow. I cant do it now. And sorry if I sounded impatient, I really didn't mean to  x

[KateG]

Keren, please don't leave. Keep posting. We are here to listen and help each other get through this horrid depression. We all need help at some point. That's how this place works.

If it's any comfort, in February I came seriously close to killing myself and even though I told the crisis team, the CPN and the psychiatrist exactly how I felt, I wasn't sectioned. But until I was honest, I didn't get the help I needed. I also found this forum, and the support of the lovely people here gets me through each day.

Thinking of you &*(

[Zaf]

I didnt think you were being rude or impatient Keren, you dont have to leave because you dont feel you arent being much help, just tale your time and we will help as much as we can

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

Please keep posting Keren, we understand the feelings that come with depression.  We will listen and help where we can.

S x x

[Keren]

Thanks for telling me that Kate x  I came a bit too close to that today, I've never felt so low as today

[Keren]

thankyou Shaz, and sorry Zaf, I havent really known what or who I am today..  all I know is I do need this place desperately

[Sweetpea]

 &*( &*( Keren, we are here for you.

S x x x

[CharleysAngel']

Hi Keren,

I can sort of relate to some of the experiences you have had, although mine arnt nearly as bad. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, he used to get angry really easily and he would hit me, not often but he still did it when he was in a mad rage, sometimes it was because I had been naughty and others it was simply because I was just in the way.

Even now after he has turned if life around I am absolutely terrified of making him angry just incase he hits me again.

I am also not allowed to show emotions, I am almost 'banned' from crying in my house. If I do cry my mum shouts at me and tell me I need to get over myself and grow up, my dad just doesn't really care.

You have had a really rough time and I feel really sorry for you, big hugs and I'm thinking of you xxx

[Keren]

Hi IceLolly, I'm so sorry you've been all through that. It's a nightmare to live in, especially to be so scared of making someone angry for doing the smallest thing, or by just breathing.. My dad never drank, I don't know what it was with him. He punched me full in the face once just because I hadn't shut the living-room door.  He was just pure evil I think.  I'm glad your dad has at least managed to turn his life around, but I understand so much why you're still terrified of him. Not being allowed to show any emotions is the hardest thing, it's what I'm finding now. Bruises, broken bones, all heal. But not being allowed to cry and to have to feel guilty and ashamed of it.. it's so cruel.  I'm so glad you've found this place, especially if you're at home still..  Please don't be like me, will you? Don't ever be ashamed to cry,.  thank-you for your message, xx