I understood your explanation there Zaf. Excelllent post.
You have done a lot, and seem to do the lions share, on any current task that you find yourself in. You believe in team work, partnership and responsibility. You are a grafter. But it seems that the others in your life, your husband included, are glad of your values and take of them. I wonder if they ever say thank you? Does anyone ever thank you Zaf?
You have given and given all your life, and you have seen others play their part but they haven't given equally. Have they not been pulling their weight? or have you not let them? You said earlier on that you don't think thinking and doing things for others gave you pleasure, but you went on to say that it seemed like th 'right thing to do'. Of course that is pleasure!? The feeling of doing the right thing is pleasurable. It is accomplishment and pride and gratifying. But if it is overloaded, and it hurts you and drains you, it becomes damaging and looses its goodness. You end up thinking 'why am I doing this again?'. You don't enjoy it, and no one thanks you for it, you feel like you're doing this to yourself! (I identify with this).
If you help an old lady cross the road, you feel a sense of goodness. It is pleasurable.
If all you ever did all day was help old ladies cross the road you would soon be applying to the council for amenities on the other side!!!
Congratulations for starting to emerge from your cocoon Zaf. This Butterfly has new needs and can not survive in the conditions of the caterpillar. How wonderful. :)
