Bulimia Suffer (amongst other things)

[Bexwa]

Its taken me a while to learn how to speak about this. I always had a very skewed view about bulimia. I always thought well its my body and I can pick and choose when to do it. But I know that is not the right attitude to have, because this has been going on now for nearly 16 years! When I'm not being sick I'll take anything you can get to suppress my appetite. I've taken e's, coke and T5's and just can't seem to do dieting the old fashion way. I'm supposed to be finally seeing a therapist about it all, this has taken 16 years, in 6 months so hopefully it may make me change my mind about the way I think about food. But as I said to my therapist its not just the little voice in my own head, since I was little my mum has always said how fat I was and how she would rather be dead then fat. She is a size 6 and I'm a size 16. There is no way I could ever be as thin as her. I just wish I could please her.

I wish I didn't like food or drink  $%$ and this would be a hell of a lot easier.

[Lol]

Oh my love don't ever try to be thin to please some one else. You are what ever size you are and as long as that is healthy for your cardiovascular system and the rest of your organs then you have full permission to be happy about it like the rest of the world. It is your mother with the problem not you. You have taken on something very negative there and now you can't stop it. Please do this for you, not anyone else.

[Bexwa]

Thanks Lol. Really appreciate that. Sometimes you forget that you are the only person you should be pleasing, especially when you have such negativity following you around. Thank you so much though you are bang on the mark and you have made me smile today, which is usually a hard thing to do

[Sam_95]

Aw, I'm sorry but that's a horrible thing for your mum to say! I've always felt like one cause of my eating disorder is my mum, she's always been skinny and people have complemented her on that. And when I hit about 14/15 years old I was a teeny bit fatter than her which made me feel RUBBISH. So if I overate I'd feel even more worthless and make myself sick....but recently I found out she had bulimia when she was my age too. Doesn't help that she keeps preaching about how I'm "ruining my body and my life"....double standards much Don't try and please anyone. It's your body: not hers, so do what's best for yourself.

Changing the way you think about food is really good!! I'm trying so hard to do that right now. It's been either my worst enemy or my best friend. I'm OBSESSED with food. I think the main thing is eat for yourself and figure out what triggers a binge and purge. I used to think it was because I was greedy but there's patterns of when I binge and purge. And lately I just binge to "fill up" and never enjoy the food.

Take care as well... I've messed up really badly in the past few months and have tons of deficiencies and feel rubbish all the time and have lost my period...etc. So try and keep safe. xx

[Got]

There is nothing at all wrong with being a size 16. I like my women and I know so. Better to be a size 16 than too thin.
LOL is right, you never need to change your body for someone else.

[Zaf]

The guys are right, size 16 isnt large and you need to please yourself and not other people.


Added:    I comfort eat and at one time put on a couple of stones in six months, I then lost about a stone due to IBS and am still trying to get rid of the rest - not because of what anyone might say or think but because I want to get back into some of my clothes and because I feel healthier at a lower weight.

[smirfy21]

I have been taking part in a bulimia clinic for a couple of months now and its the best thing I could have ever done. I really wish you all the best with your treatment and I hope you are able to find peace with yourself.

you have made the right choice and good luck from hear
smirfy :)

[Bexwa]

Smirfy where did you find the clinics? Do you have to go through your GP as I am waiting to see someone but that's gonna be 4 to 6 months

[smirfy21]

well unfortunately I got to a point in my life where I was suffering from my bulimia and my Bipolar and my psychiatrist and my parents were both desperate for me to spend time in the hospital and get help. I refused and to stop them from having me sectioned I agreed to go to the local bulimia clinic once a week and stay at home and let my parents care for me for a couple of months. I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter as they would have sectioned me and you would probably find I would still be there now and not at uni if they had.

having said that the past couple of weeks have been hell, I am on the edge and my bulimia really isn't under control so I probably should have taken the year off and got the treatment I am desperate for before coming back. I finish for good in may so will probably check into the nearest hospital if I am still struggling.

fighting this illness is bloody hard so I think It is really brilliant that you are getting the help you need, for god sake please don't do this to yourself to please your mum and I'm pretty sure she would be devasted if she knew what you thought.
life is to precious and as I have learnt recently far to short, stay strong and safe
smirfy

[supportme]

Bexwa, pm me. I had anorexia. I think I can help. Or at least listen.

[cazzzy]

im so sorry to hear how you are suffering  ....i too sufferd with bulimia for year and alcohol & drug abuse !!!! bloody nightnare,i was lucky enough to get into group counciling many years ago and havent use laxatives in 15 yrs,but still have food binges and alcohol issues from time to time and have gained a large amount of weight im now 23 st i do still trapped  "£$ but there are also positives out there like cbt,nlt..they help retain your thinking and the way you see your self and why you do distructive things to yourself,its worth alook at..
as for your mum !!! how sad she feels that way,it was my ex boyfriend that messed my head up and a friend said to me "its not you that has a problem its them ! they must have such a low opinion of there selves that they push it on to you" it makes you think eh ?

i hope you get help,sending you hugs x