Am i slipping??

[metallicatz]

Hi im new here,
Im 30  and have been on Fluxotine and Citalopram for about 7 years (on and off)
The last bad episode was not long after my son was born (2007)I had the 'usual' symptoms,was crying,low mood,just lifeless and had no motivation to do anything.Was self harming,and was so paranoid when went out that everyone was staring at me  i used to walk with my head down and no eye contact to anyone except my family and few friends i had.But as time went on i got worse and even wrote letters to my mum,kids to read because i had planned not to be here.Anyway i did finally manage to get through it and have been mostly ok.Have not needed anymore medication.

Fast forward to now and the last few months i just havent felt like me.I dont have the crying all the time and even the low black mood isnt 24/7.I can actually be laughing and joking some days.When i am down the loneliness and isolation i feel can be crushing.I hate myself,feel so worthless.Have been so close to apply for college a few times but have backed out at last minute as i know im not smart enough to do the coursework.I want to stay in the house all the time,and when i do go out i rush about so i can get back home quicker.I feel like everyone is staring at me or talking about me.Its not fair on my kids as they want to go out like kids do.My sleeping is awful,I either fall straight asleep then wake few hours later and thats me up or cant get to sleep till 3/4 am.So tired all the time.A smile is plastered to my face all the time but its fake.All an act so people think im ok.I am a very shy person anyway which doesnt help so if i do need to go to kids school/nursery  i just sit there like a lemon and dont talk to anyone,i try and smile at people but they just seem to look right through me.

The last 18 months have been so stressfull,i was diagnosed with cancer in may 2010,and was gave the all clear nov 2010.Feel so guilty that iv been given another chance and yet i cant seem to pick myself up.Sorry this is so long but i wanted to give you a little background, im just not sure if this is a bad patch or im starting to slip.Really embarrased to go to my dr because they know about the cancer and they'll say im just being ungrateful and should get myself together.Would really apprieciate your thoughts on this as  just dont know what to do

[Lol]

My Words no one would think you were being ungrateful! You do seem to have symptoms of depression. As you know, depression is not a state of mind, a mood, or something you are in control of. It is a chemical imbalance. It has control of you. You can regain this control by treating it but it must be diagnosed by your GP and treated sucessfully. I sense from your post that you are still on Fluoxitine and Citalopram? I think it is important for you to return to your GP and explain the feelings you are having at the moment as it may be that a new dose or type of medication is needed. You don't need to suffer these feelings, they are only temporary, I think in answer to your title you may be slipping, yes. Go to your doctor and see.

Well done for the post. It must have taken a lot of courage to explain all of that. Your feelings are real and natural, and distressing for you. No one would think anythng negative of you, you have been through a lot and need a bit of extra help.

[metallicatz]

Thank you for replying.No i am not on any medication at the moment.Last time i was on anything was 2008

[Zaf]

I agree with every word lol has said, you really do need to go to your doctor

[Depina]

Hi and Welcome Metal
Sorry Metal, your feelings are very understandable, hope you get the help and understanding you need. Good to express yourself on here, everyone wants to help if they can.
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