Depression/carer perspectives please?!?!?!

[Lol]

During a depressive episode do you ever believe that the person you 'turn into' is how you'll stay when it happens?

[Munchroom]

When what happens?

Sometimes I wonder if I'll just be like this forever... I can't really remember what its like to have good day after good day after good day.... so I guess in a way, its already happened 

[Zaf]

I dont think I ever have, I do often wonder if I'll be completely free of depression and this last mini-breakdown has prompted me to making some life changes in the hope they will help prevent another episode - nothing very drastic, just not committing myself to do things I dont really want to and sometimes putting myself first rather that doing things  for other people at the expense of my own health.

[Lol]

I see. It's that my partner is convinced that she is unrecognisable even to herself but thinks that is who she is now. So she's basically given up all hope of happiness and normality because she has resigned herself to being this different person. It's like 'well that's it then'. But I can still see her, and if depression could let her let go of her demons I know she can return. I never really realised the extent of how different I had become until I came out of my depression, so I can't remember whether I felt it at the time. Just wondered if anyone had a perspective on this when you're 'in it' so to speak.

Thanks guys.

[lampy]

I too feel like a completely different person, I can recognise the signs and know I am being difficult or argumentative but cannot stop myself, it just seems as if I just want to argue, tell me wife to find someone else and all sorts of thing like that, then she has ago at me and starts to point out my bad points then I go into my destruction phase as I call it where I convince myself that everyone is better off without me! Then I really hate myself for days, this for me is happening nearly every week and it is getting unbearable for me let alone my wife!

[Karian]

My partner was depressed when I met him, he was on chlopromazine and Lofepramine
He has also recently lost his mum to cancer, I was helped him get well, he was abusing alcohol
and illegal drugs marijuana, and also amphetamines, and LSD. I dont take any drugs which are not prescribed
and never have done, But his "friends" thought all that rubbish would help him block out the bad stuff.
We moved to a new area and away from his "friends" and he stopped the drugs and alcohol almost overnight.
after 1yr he was much brighter and much more able to cope with situations.
But through this time I naively at 20yrs old thought I could cope with it all, as he was nearing
the end of his treatment I found out I was pregnant and he was over the moon. So I rode on his
train of thought and got excited too. It wasnt until fairly recently I realised mt moods back then relied on his moods. If he was happy
I was happy if he was low I walked on egg shells and tried to shoulder all the household pressures away from him.
In time we had our son and I went under with PND but rather than admit I wasnt coping I tried to hide it as I didnt want him getting ill again.

Now 15yrs down the line this has been the path our lifes have followed, I now barely leave the house and he does almost everything
I now have managed to admit to him what is wrong and why, and we are coping with it together.

I would always encourage anyone coping with a loved one with mental health problems to seek a friendly ear who you can speak freely to and wont judge you or your loved one.

[Lol]

Thank you Karian, never a truer word spoken. I didn't have anyone I could talk to about this and I wish I had have found people sooner. I do now have some one who has become a very good friend and good listener and I have found this forum to be something of a life line. I wish I'd have found this sooner. It is so important to find a friendly outlet for listening and advice you are so right.

[Karian]

Absolutely Lol
We all need to try and speak and rather than drag your loved one down with whats going on your head sharing with someone else does
help for all concerned. I think in all honesty over the past 10yrs mental health is not so much of a taboo subject which is great,
but friends are precious and having one to share your load is priceless. In the long run it will keep you well and not being dragged down with them xx

[Lol]

during depression do you feel you are able to look at a situation from another persons perspective acurately?

[Zaf]

Very rarely lol, usually only as I am well on the way to recovery

[Lol]

During depression do you want to hear that your other half loves you and still believes in you or are you irritated even by that?

[Munchroom]

I think its very hard to hear that someone else believes in you when you don't have the strength to believe in yourself.

Possibly its better to demonstrate your love for someone who is in the depths of depression, rather than making grand statements that they feel they have to reply to. Just being there - curling up and watching a film together, buying them a little treat - little as in like.... a creme egg! Anything bigger could make them feel intimidated - what have I done to deserve this?! How can I repay for this?! Asking how they are feeling and taking the time to listen and not being judgemental or trying to 'fix' it. Support.  :)

[Zaf]

Not irritated lol but I think how I'd describe it is overwhelmed

I'd agree totally with what Munchroom said

[hairyyahoo]

it always feels like i'm being patronised when someone tries to build me up or tells me that i'm loved and valued. being patronised really anoys me and viewing a loved one's  ernest display of affection and/or concern for my wellbeing in such a negative way REALLY anoys me. at times like that i have to clamp down hard on the impulse to lash out and be hurtful.

just had a brainfart writing that...the Big "D" has convinced me over the years that i'm a worthless person, convince me so completely that i's no longer an opinion it's now an article of faith for me, a belief held absent of supporting facts...i am a worthless person! when a loved one tries to get me to see the opposite, that i am valued and worthy, it's like an assualt on the very core of my world view, my deeply held beliefs about myself...following the laws of causality... action leads to opposite reaction...assault leads to defence and a reaffirming of the original belief, ie. i am a worthless person. loving gesture elicits negative response!

man that's twised!

sorry, that might have come accross as a bit disjointed but i had to explore it before i suffered a complete greymatter failure and lost the moment

[danbob]

"I often feel like I'm two completely different people trapped in the same body" - thats put it in a nutshell Munchroom, thats exactly how I feel about my illness.  I very much relate to what your doctor said about anxiety turning to anger too, the first sign I get that my depression is coming back is angry outbursts over silly trivial things

your right there... im usually such a placid person but when im feeling down i will have a go about absolutely anything, even somethin trivial like the colour of my tea ha ha