Depression/carer perspectives please?!?!?!

[Lol]

Hi. My name is Lol, you may have read my posts, I am both a depression sufferer (in the past although I'm heading back that way again now) and a sufferer of somone elses depression. I understand there are both people suffering depression and people suffering others depression in here and wondered if it wouuld be useful to start a thread on how the two perspectives interact to try to help us to be more understanding of the people we are affecting and who are affected, and therefore help or be helped by them? For instance; if a depressed person says "X" can any of us suffering depression interpret that into what they might actually be trying to convey? Likewise if a family member says "Y" can any of us confused about some one elses depression interpret that into what they are trying to convey?

So like for instance; I at the moment am a carer for some one else suffering depression. I have read on a few posts that a family member (that's me at the moment) has either 'gone silent' or ''stormed off' or 'looked disapproving' etc. and I can say from that perspective that it is probably due to lack of understanding, and education is therefore a good first step. I wouldn't want anyone suffering from depression taking that (confusing stance) the wrong way and it being a cause to go deeper into depression. It is a question of interpretation and I know that depression takes much of your capacity to interpret a situation correctly away.

Likewise, when I was suffering depression myself, I would get very angry that other people didn't appreciate that when I said I feel low and out of control for no particular reason, that is exactly what I meant. And it wasn't a question of just 'snapping out of it' and 'having a more positive mental attitude' I literally was completely incapable of doing just that, but I was aware of it, and that made it more excrutiating and lead to anger.

So... does anyone have any questions ... my XX said this ... that any of us could help with?

PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG; NO ONE IS GOING TO KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL INTERPRETATION OF YOUR QUESTION IS - THIS MAY JUST GIVE A PERSPECTIVE BOURNE OF EXPERIENCE AND THAT IS ALL.

Is this a good or bad idea?

[Lol]

Maybe no one thinks this is a good idea. But I'll ask a question that's been bothering me; For those of you that have transient depression and you start to come out of it, how is it that you know? what signs that you are on your way out do you notice in yourself? and do you feel too frightened to admit it at first?

Thanks. If this sucks just say so.

[Zaf]

For me its consistently having less bad days per week and the lows not being so deep

[Lol]

That's helpful thanks. I've started to keep a journal so that I can identify the ups as well as the downs so I don't just fixate on the downs all the time.

[Zaf]

I do too and mark a :) or a in the margins beside entries, its useful to look back on occasion to see how things are going

[Lol]

When your depression makes you say something to some one you love that you don't really mean. What are you thinking? Are you just venting in their general direction? are you wanting to hurt them? are you crying out for help? are you testing the person?
I did this realy stupid thing that I can't explain very well; I would say something not so nice to someone I love to punish myself. It was like I needed to humiliate myself. show myself up to punish myself. What the hell was that all about?

[Zaf]

I tend to do that in the weeks leading up to depression hitting me again, prolonged stress starts off my depression and in the weeks leading up to a crash I become very angry and lash out verbally uncontrollably, I think my husband and sometimes my mum are the ones that bear the brunt of it as I usually manage to control myself when in the company of colleagues and strangrs even though they might be triggering the anger which comes out later usually over something trivial

[Lol]

Yeah that's it! but what are you thinking when you're doing it? Is it a form of vent or a cry for help or what?

[Zaf]

I think its a release of bottled up emotion and frustration

[Lol]

Does depression make you a different person?

[Zaf]

Without a doubt, yes it does in my case

[Munchroom]

Hi Lol - I've only just seen this thread. Depression does without a doubt makes me feel like a different person - I often feel like I'm two completely different people trapped in the same body. When I'm happy and well I am quite confident around my friends and family, I embrace the fact that I'm a little bit quirky and come out with silly stuff, I'm creative, I put others first and I am generally a little happy, bubbly person. When I am bad - completely the opposite! Although I still do always have the thinking of others at the forefront of my mind - I think that's probably what got me into this in the first place  Bottom line is - I'd rather take it out on myself rather than those around me - and I do.

My doctor said to me once that the mind has a strange coping mechanism when it is so overwhelmed by an emotion. I was worried because I was feeling so much anger!! And I am not an outwardly angry person - he explained that when our minds are so anxious that they don't know how to cope, we start to release that anxiety through anger - which soon turns into guilt - which then quickly makes its way back to anxiety...  No wonder we are depressed!! xx

[Lol]

thanks guys that's such a comfort i can't even begin to tell you

[Zaf]

"I often feel like I'm two completely different people trapped in the same body" - thats put it in a nutshell Munchroom, thats exactly how I feel about my illness.  I very much relate to what your doctor said about anxiety turning to anger too, the first sign I get that my depression is coming back is angry outbursts over silly trivial things

[Munchroom]

Glad it helped and made sense xx