Hi My name is Lol. In a nutshell I have been mixed up for a long time and never really new why. I have felt misunderstood and have had various social and trust issues. On the outside I am completely normal, very ambitious and successful, sociable, well regarded, but inside I just crave stability, acceptance and security. I convey a self secure, together exterior. But I am not. I am always there for other people and have done such a job of being other people's 'rock' that no one is mine and I don't know how to let them be. I started to see a therapist because I just needed to talk to somebody who didn't know me and wouldn't be shocked at how 'untogether' I actually was. I went with utterly mixed feelings and emotions and basically a very confusing childhood with a bullying sister was to blame. I am now having to deal with this in my 30's because no one could see it at the time. It is bringing up some really painful memories, and because I had always been taught that what I was experiencing was 'normal' and 'to be endured' I really didn't realise that it was the reason for becoming a person I am not happy being. Now I am on the road to discovery and hopefully recovery and it is very difficult. I have long suffered and been treated for depression. I am now having to deal with my partner of 8 years own depression (for her first time) and things are going pair shaped and fast. I am here to keep a perspective. That what we are all dealing with is not just in our heads (pardon the pun) but are real problems with real feelings, and, hopefully, real solutions. Hearing other people going through stuff and seeing the occasional success story helps us to feel less alone. We are not alone. Lets keep talking and supporting each other. Lol x.
