Hi I am new ! Hello to everyone

[Depina]

Hi I am new at this ! and not sure if this is how you start but anyway hello to all of you. I have had depression for over 20 years, sometimes I feel ok then at others I just want to sleep, have no interest in anything, do not want to go out etc. I tried to cope for many years on my own but eventually went to the doctor and went on AD's they helped a lot but I still have dark periods when I just cry, I have a few problems but even when things are good I still get it. Sometimes I don't function properly. I am going back to the doctors next Fri. It annoys me 'cause I should be enjoying life and not wasting it. I am hoping talking to others wil help as being alone with this is the worst thing. My husband ignores it really but doesn't really understand. I suppose it is hard to understand when you haven't experienced it. In all these years I haven't had anyone to talk to about it. I don't want to worry my family of 2 sons and their families. Would like to share experiences and hopefully help other people through this, thanks for reading.

[Zaf]

Welcome Depina :)

I think everyone here will recognise your symptoms in themselves, you've got over the first hurdle of getting to your GP, you'd be surprised how long people suffer before taking that step,  have you been on The same medication for long?  Some years ago I was doing OK on Prozac then it seemed to stop working so my doc changed my meds to citralopram which seem to have more effect for me, it may be that you need your meds changed or tweaked.  I think in the 20 odd years I have suffered on and off I've had 4 different types of ADs,  I also wonder if you been offered counselling?  i have found it incredibly useful, both in the past and currently.

No one that hasnt suffered from depression can even begin to imagine what its like, it also still has a stigma attached to it, it may be the way your husband copes.

I'm sure everyone will give you lots of help and advice, we're a friendly bunch :) xx

[Depina]

Thank You, yes I agree maybe the tabs need changing. I have neen on Citalapran for years, 30 mg but have been taking 40mg sometimes. - I know I should have asked the doctor 1st !! I have an app with the doctor next Fri. I haven't been for ages as my last doctor wanted me to come off them and last time I did that I went down again. Even though we do have money problems my depression doesn't follow any pattern. I can be with people and I go off in a world of my own and feel 'outside' everything that is going on and can't function properly. Thank you for listening and for your support.

[Depina]

Hi again - just to say that when I had councelling I was asked it I had thought of commiting suicide, when I said I had had those kind of thoughts but I didn't think I would do it because of my children, she seemed to loose interest, I got the impression she thought  I had no reason to be depressed. She only contacted me a few times, once I said I was tidying the garden she said Oh good, think she thought I was ok !! Thanks for your reply. Hugs

[Munchroom]

Hi Depina and welcome  :)

The attitude of so-called professionals really gets to me sometimes - do they not realise how fragile someone with depressive thoughts really is?! I think ultimatley it does boil down to the fact that if you haven't been there, you cannot begin to imagine what it is like - there are people who are sympathetic and admit they will never fully understand but will try and support you the best they can, but then there are others where you wonder how they got into that proffesion in the first place 

Anyway, rant over!  As Zaf has said we all recognise all to well the symptoms you are experiencing - we'll all try an support you the best we can  :) x

[Zaf]

I have to admit I tend to self-medicate bit like that too.  My GP thinks I may have to stay on a maintenance dose for life which isnt a very nice thought but I'm fortunate that he does seem to understand the way my depression comes and goes from time to time and is helpful when I go to see him.  I had been really well for 4 months but like an idiot started to overdo things and got stressed out over commitments, then we had a crisis with my in-laws followed by a crisis with one of our dogs and in about 24 hours I folded up completely to the point I was having panic attacks and my agorophobia returned so badly that I darent even stand at the door looking out

It may be worth trying asking to see a counsellor again in the hope you get a different one, I'm at present working out how to avoid stress and the reasons why I can't stay well with my counsellor and I've found it very useful.  The first counsellor I saw about 15 years ago was pretty useless but the last two I've seen have been excellent.

I know I've posted this elsewhere but you might googling "depressive illness the curse of the strong" the website helped me a lot and I think helped my husband understand a bit better too.

[Depina]

Thank you so much, it is a good idea for people who are suffering to keep contacts open and not get isolated, when you are alone and have a lot of time to think it is worse. I feel that there is still a stigma with depression, its not like you have a broken leg or something and a lot of people are not sympathetic, some of my friends are so together,busy and succesful that there is no way I would tell them! People thing you are weak etc. So thanks for reply. Take Care - HUGS

[Zaf]

The stigma very often is a problem unfortunately, in here we are all going through a similar experience so we can talk freely about how we feel, I find it very helpful, and by rambling on I hope I can help others too.

Xx

[Munchroom]

There is that - I didn't really tell anyone last year, just my closest friends and family. But, when I did start mentioning it to people - they were firstly surprised, but it was also surprising to me to discover how many people had experienced it first hand or in those close to them... It's something people don't talk about because of the stigma.

There are still, unfortunately, those that don't think depression is a real illness   But I think we just have to take those people for being uneducated or even possibly masking feelings of their own that they don't want to face up to. It is definetly not something that proves us as being 'weak' though - If anything, it proves we are strong because we have the strength to battle through it and get to the other side a more understanding and compassionate person  :)

xx

[Depina]

Thanks for the reply, it helps a lot.I will try the site you mentioned. I am still not sure of the best way to reply to posts, I am all over the place here ! Hope it will 'click' with me soon !! Diane XX

[Depina]

What you said is great thanks, I do feel very useless at times but I know deep down that 'we' are strong to deal with this. XX

[Zaf]

Feeling useless is also part of depression, just chatter away however you feel :) xx

[Zaf]

I've sent a pm