Hi everyone

[HSS1982]

Hi Depina, sadly i'm not that clever as I had to drop out. Its good to know i'm not alone, all the advice helps. Any tips on how to relax? I get stressed quite easily, always feel tense and nervous. Hugs and cuddles help but as i'm not good looking, most women don't want to give me any.

[Lol]

I do exercise if I can muster up the energy and enthusiasm for it, then when I'm pooped have a hot bath (bit like a hug) with some aromatherapy in it, then throw on a relaxation CD or watch my favourite comedy with something to eat and (hopefully) fall asleep. I try to just fall asleep whilst I'm watching things rather than go to bed because I know if I get in I'll just lie awake with my thoughts. but I understand this is not the advice given to most people - bedroom should be for sleeping and if you're lying awake you should get up for a while, leave the room, then go back to bed and retry etc etc. this is supposed to train the brain into associating your bed with sleep. Doesn't work for me though. Try leaving a window open all day (if it's safe to do so) to oxygenate the room for bedtime - this is supposed to aid sleep also.

[Zaf]

I find a long luxurious bath helps me too, I ought to walk but somehow dont seem to find the time,  I also find getting to sleep much easier if I'm watching something on TV for some reason.  Hop or lavender pillows are supposed to help but I'm allergic to lavender!

[HSS1982]

The hot bath seems to do the trick but only for as long as i'm in the bath, after that i'm back to being a nervous wreck. I should try and so some exercise but never have the energy or enthusiasm. Talking helps but I can't find a good listener. Maybe i'm destined to be depressed for life

[Lol]

Never think that. You can talk here and we will listen and even advise if we are able. Depression IS a temporary state. People DO recover. Even when they think they're not going to. We can do this. If you respond to heat have you tried a heat pad or hot water bottle in bed? Heat helps muscles to relax and if you focus on the feeling of the muscle relaxing (say if you place it on your neck/shoulders) it should in turn help you to relax as a whole. Worth a try? Also try to add somthing to your bath experience that you can then take to bed with you ie if you use an aromatherapy oil in your bath, could you also use it in an oil burner in your bedroom? That way you could have a bath before bed, get all relaxed focusing on the common thing, then get out and into bed, but with the same reminder of that relaxation happening in your bedroom you can sort of 'take the relaxation with you'? Could that work? could be a meditation CD? Could be gentle music? could be another smell?

[Gemma]

Thank you Depina! It means a lot to me!
I 100% agree Lol! Depression isn't forever. I know it feels that way, I feel that way but I know deep down it isn't. People get better all the time.
I find trying to relax really difficult but a hot bath is always good. Also, hot drinks are good too. Not coffee or tea but maybe hot chocolate or hot ribena? Also, I was told to try tensing all the muscles in my body and relaxing them one by one by someone on this site (Sorry! My memory is awful due to lack of concentration!) and it really does work. Try baby powder that smells of lavender or a plug in scent that smells of lavender. Very relaxing. xx

[Gemma]

Oh and also you are definately not stupid for dropping out of university! I can see myself doing that within the next few weeks myself. You shouldn't feel stupid you have an actual illness and I'm sure when you're better you can get back to it.

[HSS1982]

Hi Lol, I've never tried aromatherapy or any of those oils. I usually find listening to music helps but as usual its only a temporary thing. I'm always thinking and imagining about a different me, one who's confident, enthusiastic and rich  - the exact opposite of me basically. Wish I had a better group of friends as well.

[Lol]

I'm sorry things sound difficult for you at the moment. When you are suffering you feel like you can't do anything about the things that you know are wrong and that is even more frustrating. Sometimes we feel like we don't like ourselves. What don't you like about your friends and what qualities would you prefer if you could build a new set of friends?

[Depina]

The warm baths are a good idea, and I seem to use a hot water bottle a lot too, to make my back muscles relax, it is a comfort somehow.

No HSS you are definately not stupid to GET to uni - I failed my 11 plus !!

Hi Gemma,

hope you are good today, do you like reading? Sometimes that takes your mind off things-that is if you can concentrate- I can't sometimes

Love D XX

[HSS1982]

Hi Depina, I tried the hot water bottle a few months ago (my dad needed it actually, sorry dad!) but I used freshly boiled water and I scolded myself slightly. I quite like books, but one's with pictures rather than novels (I don't have a long enough attention span). I quite like jigsaw puzzles and scrabble, something where you use your brain.

Lol, as for my friends, its usually me that has to call/text them. Also most of them have kids so they don't have much time for anything else. I would like to have more female friends, women are more understanding, comforting and supportive which is what you need when things don't go your way.

[Depina]

Hi
Yes I really like Scrabble, don't play much unless my son and wife is here as they love playing it. I tend to like word games.

It is like that with friends sometimes, I feel like I am contacting them all the time. Kids do take up a lot of time, don't hear a lot from my son with kids. very busy!!
We care on here so look after yourself
HUGS ^&^
Di XX

[Lol]

Harry a really good way to meet new friends is via a social group called city socialising. Ever heard of it? google <your city> city socialising and see if your city has one. They organise events to turn up to, have a few drinks and chat. You meet some really interesting people! You don't have to be confident to go - as some people there go with quite little confidence and find it boosts their confidence to meet such friendly people! Of course you have to battle with your own confidence first to go to the first one! Have a look though, it's a really good idea! And safe!

[HSS1982]

Hi Lol, I signed up to a similar thing called Meetup. You list your hobbies/interests and they send you emails about events in your area or nearby. Most of the emails i'm sent have nothing to do with what I originally signed up for (over 40s meetup for example!). I'm not a really sociable person, don't like big groups. I'm also rather quiet, if i'm having a conversation I don't usually know what to say or talk about so end up asking questions mostly. I guess what I really need is love.