How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

I'm not so sure about the ear licking bit 

[Zaf]

Very very tired but pleased that I got so much done today, now I need to keep everything up to date so the work doesnt pile up again.  I feel I've gone some way to putting the material world in its place

[Alstare1974]

Ok so my plan went badly. I didn't get to sleep until 6am so when I got up at 9 I felt like crap. So I was back in bed by 11 cos I felt so bad :-(

[Zaf]

Would it be easier to try gradually changing your sleeping patterns?

[Got]

same here alstare. I tried to do the same and failed

[Alstare1974]

What happened Stevie? 

[Lol]

Oh no you two. That must have been so disappointing. Were your thoughts keeping you awake or were you just not tired? I think it will take a little time to respond effectively to your new regeime keep on at it. Last night didn't go as planned but I think all is not lost. You will catch up with yourself and get there.

Stick to your ideal sleep plan for 2 weeks and see if you can get into it. Well done for trying! Don't be too disheartened.  :)

[Lol]

Zaf I'm glad you have got so much done today and feel pleased with yourself. Productivity can lift the spirits but remember you might suffer to it tomorrow so not to worry. Are you doing something nice tonight as a reward for yoursef?

[Zaf]

Good advice lol, thanks, its so easy to forget about a slump in mood after a productive day.

Apart from curling up with a good book I dont plan anything for tonight but I'm hoping to have a nice reaxed afternoon tomorrow :)

[Lol]

Great that sounds like a plan  :)

I understand your lunch didn't go very well yesterday I'm so sorry to hear of that. You weren't looking forward to it either were you? I was hoping it would be better then you were anticipating once you had got there. Unexpected fireworks whilst you were away was a real pain to be coming home to. Fireworks, although I love them personally and selfishly, are such a menace at this time of year, especially when they can not be confined to a particular date and time. I hope your animals have recovered and your OH managed ok in your absence.

[Zaf]

No, it wasnt as enjoyable as usual, the company was good but I just felt dead inside, it wont deter me from going again as I usually do pick up once I get to places.

I wish the damned things could be limited to organised displays then we would know when to prepare for them, hopefully by next year I'll have worked with the dogs and the desensitising DVD and things wont be quite so bad.  OH was a bit frazzled but thankfully the dogs and horses are OK now.

How are you these days?

[Lol]

I am simply on the brink of tears at all times. I still feel lost and confused but mainly I miss love and companionship. I miss physical and mental closeness. I still venture a foot over the other side of the bed at night and still feel complete and utter devastation when there is no one there. I miss cooking for some one, thinking of what would make some one happy, laughing and sharing with some one, waking up on a new day and wondering what to do together with some one. Sharing a bottle of wine with some one. Going for a walk in the winter frost with some one. Telling some one I love them. I am sad. I am devastated. I am lost. I'm alone. I can't see a future and I can't remember happiness. I want to go home.

[Zaf]

   &*( &*(

Are you seeing your GP?  After all the stress and unhappiness you must be suffering from depression yourself too

[Lol]

My appointment is on Thursday. i can't figure out what's grief and what could be depression?

[Zaf]

I think its a fine line lol, are you still going to counselling?


Oh, please if you think I'm poking my nose in tell me to back off....