Author Topic: How are you feeling today?  (Read 218614 times)

Lol

  • Karma Group
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1387
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1785 on: November 12, 2011, 10:13:54 AM »
Had a really nice night out with my friends and feeling happy for a change.

THIS IS BRILLIANT ALSTARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am SO happy to here you say these words! What did you do?  %$%

BladeRunner

  • Karma Group
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 49
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1786 on: November 12, 2011, 10:23:49 AM »
Zaf, I think you should never worry about others' worries possibly being more important or severe than yours -it's not really possible to compare such things and weigh them against each other.

Zaf

  • Banned
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 13926
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1787 on: November 12, 2011, 10:56:46 AM »
I have to be honest lol,  I really do feel as though I shouldnt be moaning about how I feel - I do know that its probably the depression making me feel like that but I just cant get it out of my mind

oh and Ive just blown up my MP3 player by plugging it into the wrong socket :(
Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart.

Lol

  • Karma Group
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1387
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1788 on: November 12, 2011, 11:03:06 AM »
had my first meeting with a cpn today.  bloody mental health team have just realized i didn't have one after over a $%W"$% year  grrrr.
not sure how i felt about it. hmm well actually just dont feel good about it. not the normal i dont want help feeling, just a feeling like its not right, somethings wrong, maybe paranoia but i dont think so.

cant sleep but so drowsy and tired, really annoyed with my self.

i think on of my si cuts is infected as its rather swollen, red, and VERY tender. got another appointment with my gp monday so will ask about it.  im getting annoyed with my self having so many appointments, waste there time.  had 3 this week, although one was private, i feel really bad about wasting the nhs time and money when there's not much point.  starting to think im hiding how i really am from all of them to get rid of them again, it worked last time, they left me alone for a while, just want to give up on getting help as i really think im beyond it

numb part of my hand is feeling really bad

counting down the days now really, seems easier that way, like its something to look forward to, but fear.

How ridiculous that you didn't have a cpn when you were supposed to Cornish. That is so infuriating! I'm sorry he didn't work out very well, what do you mean about it not feeling right like something's wrong? This presents a whole other person you have to try to explain yourself to so it's bound to feel strange.

You feel bad that you are wasting the NHS time because you are not opening up to them and instead trying only to get rid of them. You are not beyond help and there certainly is a point to letting it all out - Only when they know every little thing about how you are suffering, including what is going on in your body, can they stop guessing and get on with treating you. I know it is hard Conish, but how you are suffering now is hard. You have 3 options -

1) carry on how you are now, effectively (although understandibly) hindering your treatment.
2) end it all without having tried everything
3) Find a way to let it all out, get your scans and targeted treatment, and just maybe recover.

Cornish I can not possibly profess to understand how you are feeling but I know that you are very very scared. If you are on the brink of option number 2, then could you possibly entertain option number 3 as a last ditch attempt before it?

PLEASE Cornish. You have said in a previous post that it is very unlikely that you can not recover from this but the investigations are too much for you to handle. You CAN do this some how, perhaps you need to break this down even further; how about you tell your cpn, mental health team, that if you are going to make any progress at all you understand that you need the relevent tests and treamtnet etc, but they scare you too much so how about this - you request treatment for treating your FEAR of opening up and your FEAR of hospitals and tests BEFORE anything else? How do YOU think you will ever be able to achieve this? Here are some of my ideas, don't know if they will help.  :-\

*Hypnotherapy/therapy for fear of hospitals and tests
*Find a smaller facility with the relavent equipment - they are not all in big scary hospitals
*Can you be sedated for your tests and know little about it?
*If hypnotherapy worked, can your hypnotherapist come with you for your tests to keep you calm?
*Can your psychotherapist whom you trust and who understands you possibly better than anyone else come with you?
*Can you build up to hosptial in 10 stages - 1st get in the car and drive past it, 2nd drive up to it, 3rd park in it and switch the engine off, 4th get out of the car and stand int he car park looking at it, 5th walk up to its entrance doors, 6th enter it, 7th ask some one for directions to where it would take place, 8th go and see where it would take place and walk past it, 9th sit outside where it would take place and imagaine yourself in there, watch people come and go and do some rescue visualisation, 10th ask if you can step inside the room and if some one could show you the machine and touch it maybe, tell you where you would be, what will happen, what you have to do.

And all this before even making an appointment. Give yourself a little control back. Even if you did these stages one a week it would still be no time compared to the enormous battle you have fought to date.

Are they trying to make you run before you can walk? If you don't feel prepared to do the things you need to do the fear factor will go through the roof! I so wish you can entertain some ideas and want to carry on. You are dealing with so much, carrying on represents the contiuation of the struggle you have had enough of.

Please keep your SI scar clean and dry until your gp appointmet and take an anti inflammatory if it is safe to do so.

Please take care Cornish. Thinking of you. Lol  :)

Lol

  • Karma Group
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1387
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1789 on: November 12, 2011, 11:07:17 AM »
To be honest I feel pathetic as my depression and problems seem so much less than most people here  but i'm tired of struggling with life, making important decisions, looking after others, trying to organise things, trying to find time for me and feeling totally overwhelmed.  I want the world and everything in it to go away and leave me alone :(


Oh, and I've gone mad with internet retail therapy and struggling not to, it seems to be one of my 'things' when I'm down for some reason so of course I'm feeling guilty about that too.....

Zaf your problems are real and you are struggling, however that manifests and whatever about. Fighting ones battles IS exhausting and overwhelming. Why don't you tell your other half that you are sorry but this week end you are going to spend in bed. Go to bed Zaf, get all warm and cosy and shut it all out for the week end. Escape. Do it for you.

Zaf

  • Banned
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 13926
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1790 on: November 12, 2011, 11:17:23 AM »
OH is at work today lol  but I plan to do the bare essentials only then do something I want to once the Sainsbury's order has arrived and been put away. 

Tomorrow I am going somewhere that at the moment I dont feel like going but know I will like it when I get there, I'm sure all of us have felt like that!

Somehow I need to get out of the mindset 'if I work like hell and get everything cleared I can then do (something nice)' it hasnt worked for years and isnt working now of course.
Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart.

Bewildered

  • Karma Group
  • Jr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 207
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1791 on: November 12, 2011, 04:40:22 PM »
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” ~A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.
C. S. Lewis

Alstare1974

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 434
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1792 on: November 12, 2011, 09:34:17 PM »
Had a really nice night out with my friends and feeling happy for a change.

THIS IS BRILLIANT ALSTARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am SO happy to here you say these words! What did you do?  %$%

Thanks lol. It hasn't lasted as long as I'd like but it's a start.

Zaf

  • Banned
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 13926
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1793 on: November 12, 2011, 09:39:17 PM »
its a great start Alstare :)
Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart.

Got

  • Karma Group
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2343
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1794 on: November 12, 2011, 09:41:27 PM »

I am worried I am going to loose my career because my head isn't working. I have become disabled.

Zaf

  • Banned
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 13926
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1795 on: November 12, 2011, 09:42:52 PM »
is there any way you can get a break from work do you think?
Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart.

Got

  • Karma Group
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2343
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1796 on: November 12, 2011, 10:01:07 PM »

I have comitments to people, so no, I dont feel as if I can take time off....and even if I did, I doubt I would be able to recover.

I don't like complaining, but I'm very concerned. I am not really able to look after myself at the moment.

I am trying to shift perspective, to allow myself to adapt to my circumstances, I really am trying hard so that I dont let anyone down. However, I am constantly plagued by sleep disruptions, a sense of 'nothingness', a sense of no future (i.e. the future doesn't exist) and the thought of suicide which keeps coming back.

I have my appointment next week, but I think they are going to tell my that I am fine and turn me away, as this is my experience with the mental health service.

I am unsure what can be done to help me, unless they give me a medication which can take away the blackness which surrounds me. I used to describe depression as a hole that I am walking around and affraid I will fall into. I have now fallen into it. However, recently, the hole has been filled in and I am at the bottom of it. That is the only way I can describe it, and it is so subjective I am sure it makes no sense. But I feel trapped for eternity.

Maybe I should tell the doctor this.

Zaf

  • Banned
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 13926
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1797 on: November 12, 2011, 10:03:57 PM »
Is it the committments that are causing your depression to deepen I wonder?

I know what you mean by the depression being like a big hole,  Ive often described it as a big black hole as thats how it feels to me :(

Yes,  I think you should tell your doctor this,  and I sincerely hope you dont get fobbed off when you go for your appointment.
Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart.

Alstare1974

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 434
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1798 on: November 12, 2011, 10:10:33 PM »
Stevie

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I can empathise with how you are feeling. As you probably know I had to give up work as I couldn't cope.

cornish

  • Karma Group
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1253
Re: How are you feeling today?
« Reply #1799 on: November 12, 2011, 10:16:59 PM »
thanks for the suggestions, dont really feel like doing anything at all for a while, just shut down, do nothing at all, would be nice to just sleep for a long time
If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.