Lol, I'm so sorry you are feeling so rotten

I agree with Zaf in that I find it very hard to believe that you were in any way abusing her, you were trying to understand and trying to offer help, support and encouragement - thats all anyone can do!! She chose to end the relationship because she is ill and needs to focus on herself because of the feelings of guilt and self-loathing that depression brings - she could even be trying to justify the decision she made.
I know all to well how hard it is to put questions and 'what if's' and all those types of thought out of your mind, it almost like we are giving ourselves the punishment we 'deserve' by constantly thinking about it and going over and over the same thing! It does become sort of habitual... but you need to get out of the cycle. Give yourself certain times of the day where you 'allow' yourself to think about it, go over things, cry, scream, vent - but then once that time is up, do something completley different, watch a film, go for a walk, eat your own body weight in pizza and make your cat incredibly envious and let him look at you in awe as you drink all of his beer!
Anything... but gradually, the times you allow yourself will become less. Its a lot easier said than done I know and it will never be as black and white as that - but it may help &*(
Smirfy - you did really well to make yourself go to that dance tonight - well done!! I do agree that applying for extenuating circumstances is a good idea, it doesn't mean you'll use it on every assignment, but it
will take the pressure off a bit.
Alstare - you did a very hard thing today and now it is done and out of the way! Please give yourself time to recover from that as I am sure it must have taken it out of you even more. As Zaf says you are not a bad person, it is the depression making you feel this way - and also a lot of extenuating circumstances for yourself!! This
is a phase in your life though (albeit an incredibly crappy one) but all of this
will pass and you
will come out the other side!
Thankyou for your replies yesterday - I definitely overdid it. Still not feeling fantastic and am very very anxious about work

I'm trying to juggle getting the house straight and sleeping.... quite a lot! Trying not to slip back into old habits with food, but its very very hard, I've already found myself denying myself things and feeling proud for it

Thinking of you all xxxxx