How are you feeling today?

[Lol]

She is making me feel like in front of people I was nice to her but at home it was a different story. If anything it was the other way around! With her depression she was sometimes irresponsible and unloving at home but I understood it was her depression and although it was hurtful sometimes it wan't something that we couldn't get through with understanding. She hasn't said anything its just the way I'm suddenly feeling. I think because her brother was shocked when she told him and he said 'but you're tight as a couple' and I said HE'S RIGHT!!!! what did you say? and she said "I said he was right too", but then on a different occasion when I reminded her that she had agreed with her brother she said "but he only saw us when we were together". I have NEVER understood what she meant by that and it has been haunting me ever since. Was I abusing her unwittingly when we were at home? What the hell is going on?!?!?!?

[Zaf]

If its a few months away at least you have a bit of time between the latest traumatic events before you have to face another one.

You have had a huge amount to deal with recently, things that would adversely affect someone that wasnt ill let alone someone that has depression so its not surprising you feel worse at the moment, do you have an appointment to see your GP in the near future?

[Zaf]

She is making me feel like in front of people I was nice to her but at home it was a different story. If anything it was the other way around! With her depression she was sometimes irresponsible and unloving at home but I understood it was her depression and although it was hurtful sometimes it wan't something that we couldn't get through with understanding. She hasn't said anything its just the way I'm suddenly feeling. I think because her brother was shocked when she told him and he said 'but you're tight as a couple' and I said HE'S RIGHT!!!! what did you say? and she said "I said he was right too", but then on a different occasion when I reminded her that she had agreed with her brother she said "but he only saw us when we were together". I have NEVER understood what she meant by that and it has been haunting me ever since. Was I abusing her unwittingly when we were at home? What the hell is going on?!?!?!?

I cannot believe, even for the briefest moment, that you could have been abusing her, even unwittingly - did she say that recently or a long while ago?

[Lol]

I don't know, about 2-3 months ago?

[Alstare1974]

Try not to dwell on it lol.

[Lol]

I dwell now. That is all I do.  "£$

[Zaf]

Difficult as it is I agree with Alstare - going over every conversation or action in the past trying to find a clue what happened is going to be counter productive at best

[Alstare1974]

I feel like I'm a bad person and I deserve what I get.

[Zaf]

No Alstare, you arent bad, just ill

[Alstare1974]

I'm fed up of being ill Zaf. I feel like my whole world has gone down the toilet and that I have no future. Feel I am worthless and useless.

[Lol]

I feel dwelling for now is all part of the healing process. I haven't allowed myself to do it until now. I've got to purge myself of all the what ifs. I should find a more appropriate forum to do that. Sorry.

[Alstare1974]

Lol

Dont be silly this is exactly the place for you to share how you feel and what's going on. We want you here and care for how you're feeling.

[Zaf]

No one likes being ill Alstare and depression is a particularly cruel illness, its the illness making you feel like you do and having to deal with the difficult things you have recently is not allowing you to begin to recover yet, but please believe me there will be light at the end of the tunnel before long xx


Lol, purge away all you like, we will listen and try to help, you are among friends and have done a huge amount here to help others, now its our turn to help you &*(

[Got]

Im sorry everyone is feeling so bad this evening. I have started feeling  "£" myself. Probably tirdness.

Alstare and Lol, you are both going through an awfully rough time...its no wonder your feeling so bad.

[smirfy21]

I forced myself to go to dance tonight as it took the edge off the depression and released some endorphines into my body so feeling a bit happier now. got some councelling in the morning so I am really hoping that it will help. My tutor has adviced me to apply for extenuating circumstances so that I hand in my assignments slightly later so that I am not forced into rushing them and getting into a state.

smirfy