How are you feeling today?

[Munchroom]

Wow.... we're all so quiet!! 

How about we start a thread where we can all post and share how we are feeling each day? Our ups and our downs and we can help encourage each other along the way  :)

I'm feeling a bit annoyed with myself today, but generally ok! I started back at work doing bank nursing work in April, caring for old people and I have found that I really enjoy nights! (May as well earn money whilst I'm not able to sleep!) I worked last night... came home, planned to have a couple of hours rest and then spend the day in the sunshine... I slept until 5.42pm!! 

Can't say I feel massively refreshed, but I must have needed it! 

So, how about you? How has your day been? xx :)

[seamie]

hi munchroom. it does seem everbody is very quiet. i know i am at the moment. i came off my medication a fortnight ago now and i have been to hell and back but i am seeing little improvements each day now. thats why i havnt got round to pm,ing you. its a good idea though to post how we are feeling. not quite sure how i am feeling myself at the moment, my mood is up but i know its very fragile and could easily change but i,m trying to be positive. still got 9months and 2 weeks until my cbt. got to keep struggling on

[smirfy21]

I am feeling very tired today as for the past week or so I have been having dreams about being sectioned and I keep waking up screaming. also I think I may have upset cinderella by getting the wrong end of the stick with one of her posts and thats the last thing I meant to happen. I am also feeling very frustrated as I have to waite another two weeks to see my psychiatrist because the NHS are useless. Everything is on top of me and having been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder this month and then sent off to waite another 4 weeks for another appointment to talk about medication and help I am feeling pretty alone and angry.
smirfy

[Munchroom]

Sometimes saying (or typing out) what we are feeling or thinking about can help rationilise things.... not all the time, but on occasion, I found it has helped just to get something 'out'!

Seamie - Are you on no medication at all? I can't imagine how hard that must be, to sudenly just stop altogether?! If you are noticing small imporvements though, then that is a really good thing. I know how you feel about the fragile feeling.... I seem to be a bit like that constantly. My mood is good and it doesn't feel like I'm making myself do the everyday things on most days - but I know it doesn't take much to make that feeling go away. Kind of like I'm just on the tipping point!

Smirfy - I've read the post and I think part of depression is that we overthink things - I know I definetly do, especially what others have said or what effect my words will have had on others (especially on an internet forum where you literally have no idea) so, I wouldn't worry too much (Easier said than done, I know...)
Four weeks does seem like a long time to wait - but at least you know what it is you are battiling against - you can put a name to it and understand that it is this illness that makes you feel the way you do. Try and stay strong, you are on the right path to getting help, even if it does seem a long way off right now.

xx
 

[cornish]

today im feeling terrible, decided to go back on a car related forum that i used to be very active on, ended up getting in a huge argument with a few people who didnt actually know wtf they were on about and i was trying to help them with some friendly advice.  tried to use the elastic band technique and then my mother spotted it and asked me what i was doing, didnt know how to explain so just got up and went to my room and si

i have to agree with munchroom
talking/ typing do seem to help even if you dont feel like it, just be careful who you speak to as there are some ignorant people out there that you need to avoid, sadly i have to work with a few of those people

[cornish]

i decided to go back on that forum and now im even worse, i used to be very good friends with one of the moderators on there and lost contact with all but a very few friends just after i started getting ill. now that mod was being a bit of a d**k too.
well about 6 months ago i cut my self off from everyone, i know thats not the right thing to do, but now i just feel like i did the right thing cutting people off. i honestly think theres no point in getting in touch with anyone from my old life now.

[smirfy21]

I am feeling on top of the world and feeling like anything is possible which is great because it means I can finaly get a few things done that I have been needing to do for a long time. It has been ages since I have fealt active and inspired and I feel great, maybe it is lack of sleep or just mania but at the moment I really dont care.
I hope that this feeling lasts for a couple of days because I am full of ideas and it would be nice to get a few of them down on canvas and actualy look like I am doing something with my degree.

[Munchroom]

Hey Cornish - I'm so sorry you were having such a rough day  &*( Sometimes the internet can help when we are feeling low and feeling the need to reach out to others for help and sometimes it can be such a curse when those people don't understand or seem to develop a different 'online' personality and type things that they would never dream of saying to your face. Its good that you tried the elastic band thing - even if it didn't work, you didn't go straight for the SI and that is a small positive.

Smifry - thats great  I really hope the feeling lasts for you, but please limit yourself (even though I know its hard) You don't want to burn yourself out! Sorry if I sound patronising  I just know myself and know I need someone to tell me to calm down before I either talk them into insanity or crash and burn!!

I'm feeling a bit mixed today. I had a really brilliant day yesterday - I went for a walk in the woods with my other half, two friends of ours and the dog and we walked miiiiiiiiles. It was very beautiful - I love being outdoors and I could really feel the positives! We then went back to our friends house and had dinner, a pudding I had made and a few glasses of wine and then meandered home around midnight  :) BUT then... As is always the way when something good happens, the doubts crept in. Did I talk too much/not enough? Did I talk about myself too much? Did they notice the scars on my arms? Were they pleased when we finally left? Are we 'interesting' enough? Is our house as nice and homely as theirs? Oh my god.... its just went round and round all night  I didn't sleep very well, and then I started scratching my legs... to the point where I had to make myself get up before I actually really did hurt myself. Thismorning I am shattered... the dog is pretty grumpy and achey too, so we are both having a very quiet day - even though the house is a tip and eveytime I look around I feel so overwhelmed with what I need to do.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for the first time in a few weeks.... I don't know what to tell him in order to be coherent enough to fit it all into a 10 minute appointment. I certainly don't feel as good or as upbeat as I did when I last saw him, in fact I feel as though some days I'm slowly slipping back into old ways.
Next monday I have a Tribunal with the DWP and I'm starting to get pretty nervous about it. My mum is going to come with me because there is no way I can face it alone. I am now starting to worry though because up until now I have been able to hide my SI from her (she doesn't live locally, although we are very close...) and I know it will break her heart if she found out how close I have been to going further -  Hmmm.... not looking forward to next monday!

[cornish]

im glad you had a good day yesterday, i get the same worries as you but im sure it all went fine.  i hate the time limit on docters appointments, i actually got really angry with a medical assessor that my insurance company made me go to, even after saying i was in no fit state to do it, how the hell can you explain a year of hell in 15 minuets when the bloke just keeps patronizing you and at some points ignoring you, he even got up, didnt say a thing n came back with a coffee and a kitkat grrrr, worst bit is the large mistakes hes made in the report. i want it sorted properly, i dont really care about the money and i dont want to have to deal with him again and now i need to be re assessed due to the mistakes.

i hope the tribunal goes well for you, im sure it will but if you need to talk anytime before then then just pm me,  ive kept my si (and a lot worse) a secret from everyone so far and its been hard, i dont know how i would actually explain to anyone, sorry if im not much help. would really love to do anything i can do to help as youve been helpful to me :)


the band thing never really seems to help enough as i would like and when it does it only for a few times. went tool shopping earlier and spent way to much time in a section i shouldn't have gone down, brought things i shouldn't have, that i wont use for work brought another first aid kit too though, suppose thats a good thing
i suppose its a good thing, still hate my self for not being strong enough to not do it at all


gotta agree with munchroom, carefully you dont burn your self out, ive done it a few times and you just end up feeling worse

[Munchroom]

Thanks Cornish - You are helping, trust me  :)

Feeling quite low thisevening.... worrying about the doctors tomorrow. Medical assesments are a joke! I had to go for one last November in order to claim Employment & Support Allowance. Had a phonecall out of the blue in March saying I was no longer entitled to it... when I questioned (through tears) how I was meant to work when I couldn't even leave the house on my own, an appeal was launched. I then recieved a 30 page document saying I was fit to work because 'I was smartly dressed, could wash and dress by myself, didn't rock back and forth and kept eye contact'  Nevermind the high dose of AD's, boyfriend sat outside the room because I wouldn't have made it out of the house otherwise, the lack of sleep and the scars on my arms.... It has all been a nightmare from day 1 and it culminates next week - I'm terrified!

[cornish]

well i now actually feel useful for the first time in a long time, so thanks you too  :)

awww huge &*( to you, im sure it will go ok.  joke seems to be an understatement, i always feel worse after, not better like i should do, makes me want to hide even more.  the supposed experts are useless, they have no idea, some how i still work, but its getting harder, dunno if i can keep this up. im dreading not being able to work as i doubt i would actually cope with nothing to do.

sorry for making this about me, i just start typeing and go into rant mode 

any way the system is basically just crap and doesn't seem to help the people who really need it, for your sake i really hope they see sense and actually listen to you and help you out. you are a loverly person and really do deserver the help and the acknowledgment of your serious illness.

if there is anything i can do to help then please just ask

[smirfy21]

Hi munchroom you dont sound patronising at all I know that if I dont stop and calm myslef down I am likely to go a bit wild. I am really reluctant to calm myself down when I am like this because I find myself outgoing, confident and able to do things I can't do when I am low however I do tend to start hallucinating if I get to manic so I do have to watch out for the signs.
I hate what this condition does to me and I absolutally hate the depression. I have managed to get a closer appointment with my psychiatrist this week to talk about medication and support for my condition and the big thing for me is to make sure that I am not just being drugged and I am talking to somebody about how this is all affecting me aswell.
I really appreciate all your comments how are you today how is everything going?

[Munchroom]

Thankyou Cornish & Smirfy for your kind words  :) Don't feel bad about 'making it about yourself' (which you weren't anyway  ) I know how easy it is to go into rant mode... especially where the DWP are involved!

It is so hard to try and put a limit on yourself when you are feeling good - because you know only too well how dehibilitating it is when that feeling goes! I'm pleased you have got a sooner appointment. It IS important to focus on what is causing your depression and anxieties and not just be made to feel numb - which doesn't last anyway!

I'm feeling ok today. Had my Dr's appointment thismorning and had a good chat about how I felt I was slipping back... He has put it down to anxieties about Monday manifesting themselves through other emotions! (I had never heard of this before) Apparently when the brain doesn't know how to cope with how anxious it is, it manifests itself as something else - usually anger or guilt - so you result in an ongoing circle of anxiety-guilt-anger-anxiety-anger-guilt... no wonder we are depressed! he has changed my Venlafaxine to a slow release capsule and has given me Tamezepam to use 'very sparingly'  to just knock me out!! Whether I am manic or just need to sleep....

[cornish]

its hard not to blame my self for everything, as everything feels like my fault

hmm the circle thing is interesting and seems to make sense to me

i hardly ever get natural sleep and have to resort to what ever the doctors decided to give me this time.

[seamie]

really struggled yesterday but i,ve come out the other side. one day at a time!! i was just thinking, you dont know how lucky you are to have this site, there was nothing like this when i was a young fella and the isolation made the depression ten times worse.