How are you feeling today?

[woozywoo]

I know what you mean, that does sort of work for me too.

Just cant do life anymore. 

[cornish]

I know what you mean, that does sort of work for me too.

Just cant do life anymore. 

life is difficult to start with but this bloody illness just seems to make it seem worse.  there are good things in this life that its worth sticking round for.    im being a bloody hipocrit again after my failed attempts      im probably not being helpful again

[Zaf]

its hard woozywoo but when you get through this horrible illness the struggle will all be worthwhile xx

[woozywoo]

Thanx Zaf and Cornish...

I am sure you are right and cornish, your kind words are always helpful to me.

But its been around for such a long time now, i know i will never be truely free of it and i dont think life will ever be manageable with the turmoil and pain the depression brings with it.

[Zaf]

Ive had depression on and off for 20 odd years,  mostly caused by traumatic life events (dad's death/ a friend's suicide etc),  if I can beat it I'm sure you can xx

[CharleysAngel']

Got up at lunchtime, looked at my coursework and that's about it. My throat is killing me again, I have a headache, I'm freezing cold and I ache all over. I will still be up at six tomorrow morning for school because I don't get a choice.

Sometimes I wish my mum would just work it out and ask me if I have depression so that I don't ever come to that time when I have to tell her, because I just can't do it

[Zaf]

It really does sound as tnough you have a bug on top of everything else

Do you have anything you can take or the sore throat?

[CharleysAngel']

Yeah I have plenty of things I can take. I've got cough sweets and syrup and other painkillers. I even have some codeine tablets that I got when I injured my back last year. I know I shouldn't take them but they make me sleep better as well as stop the pain.

Woozywoo, I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad I'm thinking of you and I hope you feel better soon xx

[woozywoo]

IceLolly....I know exactly what you mean about wanting your mum to guess. When i was a teenager i kept my depression from my family for a long time. I was always (jokingly) made fun off for being ill all the time.E.g. headache, tired, stayed in bed. But i know all that was to disguise the depression.

It wasnt until my second year at university that i was sat on the floor of the lounge trying to put some pieces of coursework in a folder. And i just couldnt do it, eneded up in tears, i think it was then that my mum insisted she was taking me to the docs. She now says she knew for a long time things were not right, but couldnt put her finger on it. She really wishes i had spoken to her a lot sooner. But that is still one of my biggest issues, talking to people.

Do you think if she know she would be supportive?? If so i urge you to try and find some time just the two of you to explain how low you are feeling. I wish i had told my Mum earlier.

Zaf....I too have suffered about 15ish years now. Mine isnt linked to life experiences, more a checmical imbalance that is normal at times and not at others. Im sure i can beat it, but at times it is just sooo overwhelming. Not good.

[CharleysAngel']

I always joke about it, I always just put on a smile and pretend to be happy when I'm with my parents, although that's hard its so much easier than explaining how I really feel. I never let them see me cry or get upset because I just get told to get a grip.

She knows that I am ill, I have had a lot of tests done because I have been so tired but my mum thinks it is because of something physical. So I have been going to the doctors but not really for what she thinks I am going for.

[Zaf]

It can be totally overwhelming at times woozywoo, long term stress can also trigger an episode for me, my GP has suggested I stay on a low dose of citralopram for life once I've recoveted from this episode

It is something physical Icelolly, its a chemical imbalance in your limbic (spelling?) system, could you tell your mum that?

[CharleysAngel']

I suppose I could tell her that, i just find it so difficult to have a serious convosation with her. Both my GP and head of year have offered to tell her for me so maybe I should take up that offer.

I should be seeing my doctor tomorrow ( if I can get an appointment) and I don't want to mess about. I want to tell her everything she needs to know so that I can get treatment as quickly as possible. I don't know if I should tell her about the self harm. I only did it once back in october, I have been close to doing it again at other times but didn't? Should I tell her?

[woozywoo]

Icelolly....I think you be as honest with your doctor as you possibly can. Not easy, but the more she knows the more she can help you.

I also think ,maybe taking the doctor up on her offer of telling your Mum might not be a bad idea. I think i would certainly have done that if it had been offered. That way it takes a little bit of the pressure off you to have to talk. Also the doctor is a professional and any questions your mum might have she could answer. I personally think that would be a good move. Do you think she will be supportive??

I know what you mean about people telling you to get a grip. My family dont say that, but i sometimes feel there are one or two memebers who dont really understand depression, but they still try to be supportive in their own way. And i understand unless you have been through depression it is a really tricky illness to try to un derstand.

[Zaf]

It might be better to let your GP or head of year to tell her then if she has any questions they can answer them she wont be able to give you the understanding and support you will need if she doesnt know.

If you possibly can you should tell your doctor everything, if you think that might be difficult or you might forget something thats important I'd suggest writing a little list (thats what I do!)

[Lol]

This is an awfully isolating illness and it can be impossble to open up to anybody. Once you do though I feel it's such a relief. The pressure of hiding it can equal the difficulties of the illness itself. Not having to hide it any more sometimes halves the problem instantly! I think it is a common trate for sufferers of depression to want to hide it from people in order to still appear strong. It makes it worse though.

Go with your easiest option here. Be kind to yourself.