How are you feeling today?

[Munchroom]

Lol  &*( You are such a great support to others - especially me at the moment! But please let us support you too. Is there anything that has triggered this wave of sadness today, or is it as you described yesterday? Xx

[Lol]

Lol  &*( You are such a great support to others - especially me at the moment! But please let us support you too. Is there anything that has triggered this wave of sadness today, or is it as you described yesterday? Xx

Yes, the love of my life who should be by my side right now has bought a new car, completes on her new house today, and has her 40th Birthday party tomorrow (NOT the one I have been planning for the last 3 years). NONE of these things include me, and I am consumed by sadness, grief, confusion, and a sense that I should wake up at any moment, the same sense I have been experiencing since 15/05/2011. I am wondering when this torture will ever stop, if it ever can, whether I am as worthless as I feel, and what the use of a future is feeling like this. (I am not suicidal). Am I void of the ablility to get over this? Is that it? Am I not equipped? I literally don't know what I should do. I can't do what I'm supposed to do. So I just sit here. And cry. And get into bed. And cry. Until I wake up exhausted when the alarm goes off having had another night of approx 4 hours of sleep. So yes, this is a bit of a tsunami, but I have been riding it on a very splintered board with holes in it, for 8 months.

[Zaf]

Yes lol, you help others so much, let us support you xx

[Munchroom]

Lol it seems like you have been riding that splintered board and coping as best you can and then as if coping with that wasn't enough a load of things have been thrown at you all at once. You are coping incredibly well though - even though at times it may not feel like it. The way all of this came about was incredibly unfair and so hard on you - no-one would expect you to wake up one day and expect to be 'over' her or everything thats happened. You gave so much to that relationship and getting over it is so devastatingly hard. It will happen though, it won't always be this hard  &*( xx

[Lol]

Thanks Munchroom. I just don't believe it though. I have faith in her and I have none in my self or in that this will pass!!!! Can you believe I still have faith in her!? In US?!?!?! After everything she's done! I'm a lost cause. I am blinkered, I know it, and I can't take them off. I am doomed.

[Zaf]

It will either slowly improve or something will happen to change your feelings or the situation lol, I know that sounds really glib but so often in life its proved to be the case in my experience and sometimes things have to be bad to bring us to a better place in the long run xx

Not sure if that sounds garbled or not!

[CharleysAngel']

Lol, I'm really sorry your going through such a rough time. I hope things start to improve for you and you feel better soon xx hugs to you xxx

[Lol]

No it makes sense. A lot of things make sense, but I can't take them sufficiently on board to make sense OF THIS!?!?!?!?! now THAT doens't make sense. Tell me why I can't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????

[Lol]

Lol, I'm really sorry your going through such a rough time. I hope things start to improve for you and you feel better soon xx hugs to you xxx

thanks icelolly I'm in a bit of a state at the moment x

[Zaf]

No it makes sense. A lot of things make sense, but I can't take them sufficiently on board to make sense OF THIS!?!?!?!?! now THAT doens't make sense. Tell me why I can't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????

Because hurt and grief are getting in the way atm

[Lol]

Is it normal for hurt and grief to last this long!???? Not just hurt and grief but HOPE??

[Zaf]

In 'normal' grief where a person dies there is of course no hope

Grief and hurt can last a dreadfuly long time for some people or in some circumstances, unfortunately hope can too in my experience,  even for some inexplicable reason where there really shouldnt be any hope of a situation changing

All I know it does usually fade in time or an event happen to cause that hope to die and to be honest it can be hell waiting for this to happen, I wish I could say something more positive but I wouldnt be telling the truth.

[Munchroom]

Oh Lol - how I wish I could give you this hug in person  &*(

I wish I could say more to help, but Zaf is so right...

 

Grief and hurt can last a dreadfuly long time for some people or in some circumstances, unfortunately hope can too in my experience,  even for some inexplicable reason where there really shouldnt be any hope of a situation changing

All I know it does usually fade in time or an event happen to cause that hope to die and to be honest it can be hell waiting for this to happen, I wish I could say something more positive but I wouldnt be telling the truth.

... she's hit the nail on the head. You don't deserve any of this Lol. I really hope your cat is sharing his beer this-evening xxx

[CharleysAngel']

I've got a sore throat and a temperature over the last 2 hours or so. I seem to always be getting sick

[Zaf]

I think when we're down mentally it affects the immune system and we get ill more often