How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

If I can find the right person it should make a huge difference to my life

[cornish]

well after my last appointment with my psychologist last night, my cpn called me today, i said im having very mixed feelings about it but im definitely feeling crap. he then requested to see me this afternoon. i didn't really want to but he said it would be a very good idea. i didn't think so, i just feel pissed off with the solicitors, the cpn, the nhs, well everyone really, the only person who's actually been willing and able to help me now cant as more sessions haven't been authorized.

ive lost the only thing that was helped me even though i hated it and couldn't really see it helping but my psychologist could see progress.

really dont see any way forward now

[Zaf]

Could you arrange to have more sessions privately?

[cornish]

she can fit me in on the nhs in late january, she cant take me on privately unless is through the company she works for.

[Zaf]

Is it worth booking in with her as a NHS patient?  I know ots a bit of a wit but at least you'd know it was a definite date

[cornish]

yeah thats been done but i cant wait that long, she is getting on to the solicitors

[cornish]

really fighting with my self,  ive typed a few very long post only to deleted them before posting.

im scared, very low and very confused.

deleted most of this one too

[Holykimura]

Holykimura thanks very much for your supportive advice. How true. It is important that I remember all the blessings in my life. I have got stuck in a rut of 'I'm nothing without her' and I'm ashamed that I can't get out of it. All those things you have said I already know and I feel just awful for not being able to charge myself with those positive thoughts, but, as always, you have said the right thing at the right time. However much I can not do it for myself, there is always some one here who does it for me right when I need it. Thank you. I feel ashamed and weak that I can not get there for myself faster. I am not a wallower, and I have been through break ups before and successfully come out the other side. But I feel that I have never broken up with the absolute love of my life, the one I was supposed to be with forever, before and the utter disaster of it all floods my mind like the first time 20 times a day. I am aware that I sound really rather ridiculous, and I try not to say too much becuase, as I've said before, I am sure there are break up sites for this kind of stuff, it;s not really appropriate here. but thank you for your kind words. They are wise ideed.

How are you coping at work at the moment? Does it help at all to know that after a certain amount of weeks a break will always be coming, or do you have to work through those anyway? How is your partner coping with her own depression and medication? You are both going through a difficult time together, with mutual understanding of the illness I can't imagine whether that makes things easier or harder? You sound a little more positive in your posts.

Hey lol, I'm sorry I didn't realise that you had split/lost from your partner, I'm sorry that must have been really hard for you. I'm not sure of the circumstances and I don't expect you to confide in me but all I can suggest from experience is time is a significant factor when it comes to losing a loved one. I see what you mean now about memories I guess you both lived in your current house which makes things even harder. Just take comfort from all that you can x
I'm coping well at work even though their unrealistic expectations of me pull sharply at my anxiety strings. It does help to make time at work easier knwing that there are only so many weeks left until the next break, and it depends on how proactive i am during term time with my marking and planning which often determines whether i work in the hols or not. My partner is coping well with her depression, shes far more stable than i am, she still says that she cant relate to how i feel i guess thats  because my depression is more severe, my father has been admitted to hospital for severe pancreitus (heavy drinker) and he's been told to give up the booze or risk your life I so hope he listens to the medics! I'm feeling much better than I have in recent weeks and am glad to say that I'm having a bout of feeling good, I just hope it lasts longer than the last time. It's probably becuase I have applied for four jobs this week and I'm feeling quite optimistic about them, but also not trying to get carried away I don't want to set my self up for dissapointment.
Anyway I hope you start to feel happier soon and if there's anything I can do just ask and if it's within the realms of doable I'll help !

[Zaf]

really fighting with my self,  ive typed a few very long post only to deleted them before posting.

im scared, very low and very confused.

deleted most of this one too

I hope she makes the solicitors pull their finger out....

Can I help in any way? I'll be back indoors in a couple of hours and can get on line to chat if you think I can do anything useful. xxx

[Lol]

really fighting with my self,  ive typed a few very long post only to deleted them before posting.

im scared, very low and very confused.

deleted most of this one too

Cornish the battle you are feeling within yourself is so confusing and scary. Feeling this low is an awful state and adding to all of your problems. I'm sorry you have written long posts and not sent them. I sense it is something you would like to be able to do but feel you just can't when it comes to it. I wonder if it would feel a relief to press the post button. It is an avenue you rarely use. Could it be a new way forward? Could you go back to your journal? You haven't posted in there for a while and in there are some of the longest posts you have written. You can see from your own posts and those of others in response, that they were exploratory and explanitory. They also enabled us to support you which we want to do. I would like you to feel that you can post a long post, with whatever you like in it, and that you could feel safe that we wont freak out or judge you for its content. I don't want you to fee scared. I care about how you are feeling, and that your thoughts are valid and real, whatever they are.

Keep posting Cornish. I think there is a chance you can make it until January. You are a survivor.

[Munchroom]

Very tired. Numb... And yet feeling incredibly low and like I could collapse in a big sobbing heap on the floor at any minute.

[Glen53]

I know that feeling well at the moment Munchroom.

Thinking of you x

[Zaf]

 &*( to those feeling bad,  I dont feel too bad today but we'll see what happens when I get to work tomorrow

[Lol]

Munchroom poor you!! How are you feeling today?

Sorry everyone is feeling so awful. Cornish how are you today?

I had yet another show of absolute disrespect from my ex last night and it's left me feeling really shaky. I think the contrast between a lovely holiday and utter disrespectfullness from some one I used to trust and share my life with has made it worse. I feel really nervous and on edge. Actually, I think it's anger.

I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow either Zaf 

[Zaf]

That sounds really cruel lol, thinking of you &*(