How are you feeling today?

[cornish]

had to get facebook back for 5 mins and that proved the car was real.  yay im not delusional about it.  still fell bad though.

my life felt like a yoyo with my moods but now it feels like the string has snapped and its rolled down a drain

[Zaf]

Is there any way you can persuade yourself not to work at yhe weekend?

[smirfy21]

All I have thought about all week is suicide and it scairs the hell out of me how easy it would be for me to take my own life. I am alone seventy percent of the time and I know that it would take days for somebody to notice. Yes I am lonely, Yes I am depressed but I don't want to die its just this thing that has taken over my head.
I have an emergency appointment with my pyschiatrist in the morning and I have work deadlines at the end of the week that I have to meet which I am not prepared for and I have already had extensions on. I have to ask myself where does it all end and when do I decide enough is enough??
I need something to give. I need to feel like I have control over my life and I need people to stop relying on me for a while and for them to let me get my life back on track and I can't help but think that I need to spend some time in the hospital to do that. The only thing is I start uni again in a couple of weeks and I don't have the time to spend in a hospital bed.

It feels like all I have done is complain this week and I am sorry that I havn't replied or been able to help with anyone else this week but I need to get my life back on track before giving anyone else advice. also ZAF, Cornish and Everyone else thank you for all your support I really appreciate it.

[Zaf]

We're all here to support each other smirfy, when I feel OK I try to give advice, when I'm feeling bad someone usually comes up with something to say that helps me

You sound totally overwhelmed, a feeling I know well, somehow you do need some rest, is there any way of taking time off and catching up with uni work when you feel better?

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, let us know how your appointment goes.

Hugs xx

[cornish]

tried to but failed every time.  work really is the only thing i have left that i can do, there is nothing else in my life.  i live to work, that all my life is other than the suffering.


i know exactly how your feeling smirfy
ive got an emergency appointment tomorrow too

ok now im feeling horrific. a friend has just text me telling me they have been speaking to the council to get the authorities involved.
hmmm suppose that might mean im being locked up  "£$ or something.
F**K F**K F**K    sorry for that  only way i could express it

i actually think they could have reason for sectioning, i can be a danger to my self but not others, i cant look after my self properly, i cant get my self to proper treatment.
the worst thing i have to admit is that i cant tell the psychiatrists everything that i know i should and its important stuff but it scares me.

i know ive slowly become worse and ive learnt i can hide how i am feeling.  im not really sure if ive actually fully opened up to anyone yet.

[Zaf]

I wish I could help more cornish, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow too xx

[cornish]

thanks but i feel like im beyond it now

[smirfy21]

already had uni extensions, work extensions you name it I've had it and neither helped.
I haven't stopped crying all day and I have no one to talk to because my family have gone.
Cornish why are people trying to have you sectioned and can they do that? I guess they are just reallly concerned at least they care!!
hang on in there and I hope you are able to get the help you need.
is it selfish to want to be hospitalised or am I just looking for a way out. I can't do this anymore!!!!

[Zaf]

Cornish, if things are that bad, much as you hate the idea, a spell in hospital may be what you need to help you break what sounds like a destructive cycle and start on the road of recovery.

Smirfy, what you are feeling is very 'normal' for someone with depression who feels they cant cope, I'm convinced thats why I get agorophobia, something in my brain wont let me go outside cos It cant cope with something in the outside world.  Try to be honest at your appointment tomorrow, I know its not always easy but I also know that unless you are its difficult to get the right sort of help that you need.  I think you need to think really hard whether to give up uni for the time being, and possibly get a sick note from your doc to take a few weeks off work, it sounds to me you desperately need a rest both physically and mentally and thats the only way I can think you'll get it, hopefully someone else will have some positive advice but think of it in this way - would you continue training for a marathon with a broken leg?

Hugs to both of you xx

[cornish]

Yeah someone is trying to get me sectioned
I know I'm stuck in a destructive cycle but I also feel like work is the only think keeping me going still, really dunno what to do anymore.  I have a huge fear of hospitals too so I'm not sure if I could do it

[Zaf]

That seems very cruel to me

Hopefully your appointment today will help somehow, dont give up, we're all with you

[cornish]

Yeah it is creul, they know I hate hospitals and I've only been 3 times in my life, I can't even visit people, I've always had a phobia of them.
I'm worried that if do het sectioned then I'll either dissapear for a while or if they manage to lock me up then I will escape.

I hope it does.

[Zaf]

What time is it?  I'll be thinking of you  &*(

[cornish]

About 6.  My gp stays late for me if I need him

[Zaf]

you'll be in your thoughts around 6  &*(