YAWN, YAWN, YAWN - WHAT A LIFE!

[swampygirl]

Hi, it's me - again!
In my last post a few days ago I mentioned how exhausted I was and that it was getting me down real bad.
I'm sitting here typing this and I've only been up for 1 1/2 hours and the yawning and exhaustion have already started.
It's my 53rd birthday tomorrow (Sat) and our 12th wedding anniversary Sunday. My hubby and I had planned to go for a meal at a local restaurant in town. All week I've been meaning to make myself a new top as I wanted one to wear and am so desperately short on 'going out' clothes but can't afford any being on benefits. I've been sewing for years so making a simple top would generally take me no more than a day to do. My hubby has been gently reminding me every day to make a start on the top but I am so exhausted I really haven't the energy and am back and forth to bed. I am not sleeping well but that's nothing new. Sleep has been a massive issue for the past 30+ years. Earlier today after he reminded me for the umpteenth time to make a start, I told him I'm not going out for that meal as I haven't the energy and won't enjoy it the way I feel. Obviously he's disappointed because he wants to celebrate my birthday and our anniversay but understands why I don't want to go.
I have another appointment with my doctor next Wednesday about my depression but I have no idea what my doctor can do for me. I'm on my 2nd anti - depressant which isn't working and I feel as if I am going backwards and not making any progress. Surely this extreme exhaustion 24/7 can't be normal? Had plenty of blood MOT's and all is ok. Anyone got any ideas? They would be most welcome.  *(*

[lightenup]

I know what you mean about the exhaustion.  Tell your doctor this when you see them, I am on sleeping meds, that don't give me a hangover affect the next day.  You must listen to your body and relax when you can.  Also doing something nice is also good therapy, so get you gladrags on and your lippy and go out with hubby and enjoy that anniversary meal.  I dread even going to the shops, but will go with hubby and no matter how much I dread doing something I feel better when I have done it. 

Sometimes if it wasn't for my hubby baddgering me to do things, I would disappear into a non-existance.  We are lucky to have this support even if they seem annoying .  I went out last weekend and was sick to my stomach all day, but I had a great time and surprised myself.  Good luck, and Happy Birthday and Annversary. :)   

[Munchroom]

Sounds all too familar here too! I feel I could sleep all day every day most of the time.... Like lightenup though, I would encourage you to go out for this celebration meal. It will almost certainly make you exhausted, but you feel like that anyway!! GO - enjoy yourself with your husband and you will probably have a really lovely time and its soemthing you can remeber on those days when everything seems so bad.

Also - the doctors stock answer - as my doctor and support workers has been, is that if you aren't keeping yourself busy then your body will naturally want to sleep.  I feel like I've been banging my head against a brick wall with that response - if I feel so drained, how am I meant to do anything in the first place?? At least if you really make the effort and go out with your husband (who by the sound of it is very supportive) then at least the doctor can see that despite all of this exhaustion, you are really trying to not let it destroy the important things in life.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound like I'm lecturing you! I have friends coming over for dinner tonight and am so tempted to call them and cancel BUT when we have the oppourtunity to do something for a few hours that might just take us out of ourselves I think we need to accept that yes - we probably will sleep all of the next day, and we can allow ourselves that because we've made a huge effort.

Happy Birthday and Anniversary - I hope what ever you do, you enjoy it  :)

[swampygirl]

Firstly, thank you for the wishes. I really am in a quandry with regards to going out.  I hear what you are saying. I should go but where the hell do I get the energy from? I do try to do things, For instance, my hubby has got me doing gentle exercises each day. Only 15 mins cause I have a long standing back problem. And I go out with the dog in the evening for another 15 mins or so. The thing is I can't stop yawning. Walking the dog - yawn, pass people en route - yawn - get the picture? lol. My hubby is very supportive - now. He wasn't really, up until the begining of the year as he didn't understand. Now he has been diagnosed with depression himself so he knows exactly what i am and have been going through. He has been job hunting for the past 3 years without success. He's worked since he left school and being out of a job has taken it's toll on him.
I don't know about you but when I feel this exhausted, if I try to keep busy I feel as if my brain actually hurts the more I try to concentrate I have to give up.
Nothing I do takes me out of myself. I feel a hopeless case.
I want to go to bed now (10pm) but am hanging back till it's later as if I go too early, although I will eventually fall asleep, will wake again an hour or two later and that will be it for hours despite my eyes killing me. I have to just lay there with my eyes shut until I drift off again but I'm sure you are aware yourself how frustrating that is.
By the time you read this Munchroom you would have entertained your friends so I hope you had a great evening.
So until we chat again,
Thanks and luvs x  *(*

[Munchroom]

Hey... Hope you managed to get some decent sleeps in last night! It IS such a difficult situation to be in both for you and your husband.... I know what you mean about your mind actually hurting the more you try and push yourself, its almost as if your whole body is going 'I cannot... I physically cannot bear to be awake' Makes it very hard to do the simplest of things!

Just an idea... how about a takeaway, candles and a bottle of wine at home instead? I think that's usually nicer than a meal out - you can curl up on the sofa together afterwards and if you don't manage to eat (or drink) everything, nice easy meal the next day! 

Last night with friends was lovely, thankyou. Although today I have my questioning head on    'did I talk too much/not enough?... did they really enjoy themselves? were they pleased to go home? what do they really think of me/us?' drives me up the wall!!! And I have a kitchen full of washing up... gonna take things slowly today I think...!

xx

[swampygirl]

Hi Munchroom
I'm sure your friends enjoyed themselves last night. It sounds like insecurity coming through and I know that feeling. Relax........... and have fun washing up. 
This morning I got up to find my hubby had put post-it notes all over the place with 'Happy Birthday' and 'I love you' on them. So sweet it made me smile.
We are having a romantic evening in. The next best thing under the circumstances.
Have a good weekend and if you want to, feel free to email me anytime: swampygirl1958@aim.com
 *(*

[Munchroom]

Thanks swampygirl, I may well do that  :)

Hope you and hubby had a lovely evening?

xx

[D 2006]

A couple of weeks ago I couldn't stop sleeping - now I can't sleep

[swampygirl]

Hi D206
It's so exhausting isn't it?
I've had sleeping tablets short term to get me back into a sleeping pattern but they didn't work and made me feel hung over the next day which somehow defeats the object.
See your doctor about it. Councelling may help you.  My motto is anything is worth a try.
Rest when you need to, you simply can't function when you're zombie-like state.
Good luck and feel free to message me anytime.
Swampygirl
 *(*

[lightenup]

HI great hubby there Swampygirl hope you had a lovely evening

Also I am on a sleeping med that doen't give you the hangover effect, ask your doctor

[D 2006]

I feel jetlagged
I liked Zoplicone when I was on them best bu,t my doc prefers me to have Temazepam - thinking of changing my doctor (for other reasons too)

[swampygirl]

Hi lightenup
Thank you and yes we did have a good eveing although we stayed at home for a meal and cosied up on the sofa after to listen to some cd's.
What sleeping meds are you on?
Swampygirl *(*

[swampygirl]

Hi D200One of the sleeping meds I was prescribed was Temazepam and they gave me a whoosy head the next day.
I have a fantastic, understanding and supportive doctor so if you're not 100% happy, don't hesitate to change. Ask around for recommendations. I did and am so pleased I did.
Swampygirl  *(*

[Munchroom]

I know I've mentioned it before and it seems quite logical when you think of it  But after feeling groggy for weeks on my sleeping meds (Amitriptyline) my doctor asked if I was taking them 12 hours before I wanted to wake up.... (i hadn't been, because until that point it hadnt been mentioned.... )

Nay x

[swampygirl]

Hi Munchroom
Yeah, after I complained to my doctor that my sleeping meds made me hungover the next day,  he did suggest taking it earlier in the evening but so far dispite experimenting with the timing, it's made no difference.
C'est la vie as they say lol!
I've only got a few days til my next doctor appointment.
 *(*