Howdy.

[Macfly]

I thought I'd search for a forum full of people that could potentially relate to my mood. As tragic as it is, at least there's people willing to comfort you with their stories.

So, I'm 23, from Glasgow - and now it makes sense why I suffer from depression eh.

I have a healthy enough life, work full time, although I want to make a career out of my hobby (writing), that's starting to slip away which is annoying. My bigges fear, apart from alienating everyone I love, is never even trying to take a shot at what I want to do on a proffesional note in life. Social life could be better, had a lot of friends lose contact, they have girlfriends and live life while I'm stuck in slow motion watching them all smile in the sun from my cell. The thought of suicide plays on my mind too often daily, and I know that's something I wont even be good at. Still live with my parents who don't want me around anymore, the atmosphere's bad, which is my fault but not entirely mine. At least I'll admit when I'm wrong, these people are so stubborn it sickens me. I get told I'm handsome, yet I have no confidence when talking to girls, no matter how rare and perfect the opertunity is, I'll always look the other way.

So aye, that's me so far. How are you?

[Jam1]

Hi Macfly,

I can totally relate to what you mean with regards to not even taking a shot at something that means so much, for me it's also writing, but writing music. People have said I am good at what I do, but I am too scared to get out there and have a 'proper' go at things. I find that I write the best songs when I'm feeling down, although ironically these are the times I feel least like doing anything especially picking up my guitar. I still live at home with my parents, I have experienced living away when I was at university, but actually I missed my home town and my family. ALso this way I get to save the money I would be paying on rent to maybe afford a nice little pad of my own one day when I'm properly grown up (lol I still feel like a kid at 25!)

If you have no confidence talking to girls, how about trying a dating website? I know lots of people that do it and if nothing else I hear it's a big ego boost seeing the replies you get!

Maybe that's not your type of thing, however I'm often of the mindset that when I feel so down, nothing can really make me feel worse that I already do,  that sometimes its worth just giving things a go that I wouldn't normally do,  writing on this forum being an example.

Anyway its midnight and im rambling on, gonna head to bed. I love sleep!
Keep smiling...if you can.
J

[lightenup]

A warm welcome Macfly to the forum :)

[Macfly]

Thanks folks.

I have tried dating websites in the past. But I don't like the feeling of them, it's too easy to manipulate slight truths and make yourself look better, or take photos from smart angles to appear more attractive. Not that I'm shallow, my point is I much preffer the genuine feeling of making eye contact with a stranger and getting that tingle, or knowing they get you and not the text version of you, and not talking for hours to someone who you'd probably never have the balls to talk to in real life. And then you run out of things to talk about when you meet up eventually, mostly due to there being no real connection. Sure it opens up potential of finding someone suited for you so perfectly, but not for me. I have tried, infact, another thing I've never told anyone, I've met up for a few dates from online, but they just weren't what I hoped they'd be based on who they were on screen.

Sorry for rabbling on.