Depression is driving me mad!!!

[swampygirl]

Hello there
I suspect I've had depression for years and despite going back and forth to my doctor and countless blood tests etc nothing was confirmed or done about it.
I moved home and have a new doctor. He diagnosed me with depression in February (2011) I have had Citalopram 20mg and no change. So I'm on Fluoxetine. Firstly 20mg and now 40mg but still no change. I've also had regular bloods taken and all is ok (Liver, Kidneys, Thyroid etc) although my last bloods did show I was low in Folic acid so am coming to the end of a 28 day course of that.
I couldn't ask for a more thorough and attentive doctor. However, I would like to know why I am not responding to medication. I would have thought after 3 months I'd see some change.
This depression is really upsetting my daily life. I'm exhausted all the time. I sleep in fits and starts so end up having a siesta every afternoon. I have no interest in anything, basically I can't be arsed to do anything yet I get frustrated doing nothing and bored to tears. Does that make sense? Every day is the same. Also I'm going through the menopause and I feel like I'm existing, not living and my life is passing me by. I'm 53 and want to live, enjoy life and be happy.
Any experiences or advice would be most welcome.

[lightenup]

Hi Swampygirl, I totally understand how you feel.  Never in my life has I felt like this and seem to be living in a complete fog.  I'm 49 and suspect that maybe I'm starting the menopause too.  I get up feel refreshed (on sleeping meds) and within an hour I'm exhausted and sleeping again.  My brain is in mush..................I find myself lifting roasting tins just out of the oven!!!  Its like the person I was has left the building and all I am is an empty shell.  It takes me ages to be able to write a reply.............my concentration is shot to pieces.  So your not alone.

Tell your Dr how your feeling you may need your meds upped. 

[Munchroom]

Hi Swampygirl,

You are not alone in this. I too started on Citalopram back in August last year and they didn't do anything... FIVE different antidepresants later and I am finally on some that seem to do something - but thats not to say they do everything.

I still get so ridiculously tired and it is beyond frustrating. I have recently started back at work doing bank nursing work locally - one shift and i could sleep the whole of the next day. Getting up washed and dressed usually is enough to wear me out and i know that getting overtired is a massive trigger for me so it feels like I am just going around in circles! I mention it to my doctor and he is more concerned that if i have a nap in the day then I'm not going to sleep at night (which I do tend to struggle with because although I am so physically and mentally tired, my mind just won't switch off and I KNOW that when I do get to sleep I'm going to have such horrific dreams....)

I too have had everything tested - thyroid, iron levels (which are low due to not eating properly for so long) diabetes... etc and they don't think its anything other than depression that is causing this extreme tiredness, but it does seem like a catch 22 andt hen it gets frustrating to the point where it seems easier just to switch off completley.

I don't know what the answer is, but I hope it can be of some assurance that you are not alone in this  &*(

[lightenup]

Reading Munchroom's thread is so like my own experience.........................sometimes I wan't to throw all the meds I have to take in the bin!!!!

I still wan't to blame something else other than to depression for me feeling so s**t and I wan't to be better NOW.  It is certainly a hard line to sit down and rest or sleep even when your exhausted, as the dreaded night has to be endured.  When I get a window when I have a bit of energy I go around like speedy gonzales trying to get as much done as I can..............and then its down to feeling worse.  It is learning to train ourselves to not overdo things, difficult when you have been a workaholic all your life. 

[em1983]

Hi Swampy, It seems to me that you're not on a very high dose of meds at all (from my experience) so I'd speak to the doctor about maybe increasing. I am the same just trying to get through the days is all I can do. Don't enjoy doing anything anymore. Sleeping in the day is all the relief I get. Not much of a life hey x

[swampygirl]

Thank you Lightenup/Munchroom & Em1983 for your replies. I truly welcome them.
It's good to know that there are others out there sleeping away their lives too. (Well not good but you know what i mean 
I've had sleeping meds to try to get me in a routine of sleeping but I end up with a 'hangover' the next day. Plus my doctor is reluctant to keep giving me them on a regular basis. And because I sleep in the day, I find I don't go to bed till 3-4am and so it's a vicious circle. Although my eyes are sooo heavy and ache, I just lay there unable to switch off but I'm not thinking of anything. My doctor also suggested not going to sleep in the day but my brain seems to actually hurt if I try to do anything when I am so tired I just can't. I may be put on 60mg of Fluoxetine next time I go for a follow up appointment (15th June) that's the max I can go to apparently. My doctor is hesitant to refer me to a physchiatrist or similar at the moment. Oh well, I'll try to report back here after my appointment. (If I can remember, doh!!! 
Luvs & Hugs x  *(*

[Munchroom]

I am on sleeping tablets too - although they don't seem to help much with allowing me lots of decent sleep. I tend to manage to drop off, sleep for a bit, have horrendous dreams and wake up with night sweats, but these are the third lot I've tried and I kind of don't want to have to go through all the faff of changing AGAIN, I'm just thankful for the 'getting to sleep' bit... Also, like you, my doctor is always a bit wary with sleeping pills and the amount I'm allowed at one time (although ironic considering all the boxes of failed anti-depressants I have in my bedside cabinet  ...)

One thing i did find out after feeling groggy on them though (more so than usual) was that with some you need to take them 12 hours before you want to wake up  so.... didn't help I was taking them at around 11pm! Might be worth bearing in mind xxx

[em1983]

Don't understand why your doctor is hesitant to refer you to anyone? Seems wrong as you are feeling this bad, there is a  long enough waiting list on the NHS as it is!! (Assuming your in England)

I am not on sleeping meds for the first time in years, funnily enough still manage to get off (sometimes take hayfever tablet as there is a drowsy side effect with that) still get terrible nightmares and sweats though but that could be the venlafaxine..

I remember being on Seroquel- Quetiapine at night for some time which gave me these nasty 'awake' nightmares as I called them. I would still be awake 20 mins after taking them but be in some really grim drowsy nightmare thing for half hour before I drifted off. 

But I feel for you because awake in the dead of night feeling like this can't be a nice feeling xxx