I want to stop hurting myself

[Debbs]

I'm a bit new to the whole discussing things idea, but I think that I have reached a point where I have to do something.

I'm 20, and have been self harming on some level for the last 12 years- even before I knew that it was something that other people did- just because it made me feel better.

I've recently done it a lot more and have been the most depressed that I've ever been. I'd never told anyone about it before a few weeks ago when I told someone everything.

I'm having time out from university and so want to spend the year doing things that will make my life better because I know that I can't carry on the way that I am.

I had an operation the other week and when I got out of hospital, the first thing that I did when I came out was throw away the things that I usually use to self harm.

I thought that I was fine with it, but now I don't know. I can't think about anything else and don't know what to do.

I say that I want to stop, but I think I just feel that I should stop, because since I told someone, he's just worried about me and I feel bad and don't want to cause him stress.

I know that I should stop, but now I don't know what to do.

[seamie]

hi debbs. well done. you have made a start at least by throwing the things you hurt yourself with away. what you have to try and do is when you feel the urge to harm yourself is to pick up a book or go for a walk or logon to your computer or put your self in a position where it is impossible to hurt yourself eg in a room with a friend or family member. it won,t be easy.i know i,ve been struggling with it for years. try and find distractions. sorry if it sounds a bit lame,not good at giving advice.

[Debbs]

I appreciate the fact that you replied. Any advice is gladly received. As is any interaction, to be honest.

I just feel like I need to be able to become a stronger person and that I shouldn't be reliant on other people. I've always been the person that others rely on.

I guess I'm worried about what I could do if I let it go any further.

[Munchroom]

Hi Debs - Seamie is right, you have made a massive step forward in throwing your things away. That is a huge step  - and whether you have done it because you 110% feel you want to stop or whether its because you feel you should stop really makes no difference. That must have taken a lot of strength and it is something you should really be proud of  :)

I was told last year that everyone has times when they are the ones that need looking after. You say that you have always been the one that other people rely on - perhaps this has meant pressure has gradually built up on you, or perhaps its unrelated to your depression and self harm. But either way, do not feel guilty because for a while you need to look to others for support - I'm sure before long, you will be back to being 'relied' on, but you need to get yourself strong again. Everyone needs time sometimes to do that.
 
:)

[smirfy21]

Hi Debbs
I think that it is great that you are trying to stop the self harming I know that it is not an easy thing to do just try and be strong.
Can I give you some advice and thats to talk to somebody that isn't close to you maybe a CBT expert or a mental health expert because I have found over the years that its about changing the thoughts from negatives to possitives and changing the way that you think. I would say talk to your GP but im not sure that medication is what you need (obviously im no expert) its somebody to turn to when you feel the need to self harm.
I would also that tell a family member about what is happening and that you want to help yourself and explain that this is something that you cannot simply control and that if you choose to talk to a specialist tell them that you are seeing someone that is helping you.
if you ever need to kust rant or somebody to talk to keep posting and I will listen
good luck
smirfy

[Debbs]

Thanks, guys.

It was really difficult for me to get rid of my things, and it's taking a lot of effort not to just try and find something else to replace them. The only way that I haven't so far is because I've been trying to make sure that I'm always in a place where I can't self harm, like with people or out of the house etcetera. That's working for now, but I'm not sure how long I can realistically keep it up for.

As for my GP, I've been there a few times, but one of the problems with that is that she's not a very sympathetic person and just gave me prozac and told me to go to my university counsellor. I don't really feel that I can talk to her, so am reluctant to so trying to change sugery.

I really don't think that I can talk to my family about it, though. It's been going on for a long time so I think their reaction would be one of freaking out and blaming themselves in some way. I was about 8 when I first started self harming on some level, just because I found out that I could make myself feel better by hurting myself, so that was before I knew it was a thing that other people did. I think it would be too much for my parents if they were to find out about that kind of thing.

Only one person knows, and he's worried about whether I'll go too far with it and lose control completely. That's one of my main motives for stopping really, because I feel bad for making him worried.

Very difficult. 

[seamie]

hi debbs. theres a couple of sites that you might find helpful to look at. www.selfharm.net and www.selfharm.org/ . i have self harmed since i was 12 so i know how hard it is. you can get self help books on the subject from www.mentalhealthshop.org .take care debbs

[Debbs]

Thanks- I'll check those out.

[AliMcBeer]

hey Debbs,

good to hear youve taken your first steps, and your probably right in changing your gp if theyre not that sympathetic and helpful.

i can understand you saying your family might freak out, i found out at christmas that my 14 yr old daughter is self harming, i was devastated, as im suffering with depression i beat myself up over it thinking i should have seen there was something wrong, but i tried to stay calm for her sake, and she hasnt done anything until the other night, she seemed fine, i was devastated again, i felt like htrowing myself off my balcony cos i dont feel im any good to her, ive never done it and i cant understand it. So the family side of it is really difficult, you need lots of support, and that should be coming from professionals, so change that doctor asap!!

Any advice you can offer with regarding how i can help my daughter would be invaluable. And i know im inexperienced with this subject but if i can help in any way feel free to msg me.

keep your chin up hun and proud of you for taking your first steps:)

Ali

[account deleted]

Hi Debbs,

A long time ago 17 or 18 years ago, I cut myself and I burned myself with cigarette ends. It made me feel better at the time, but the next morning when I woke up and I saw what a mess I'd made of my arm I realised I would have to keep it covered up for a long long time and I felt foolish. Fortunately I remember that every time I've felt like hurting myself since and so I haven't repeated it.

I had to wear long sleeves for over a year. And even then you could still see faint scarring for a couple of years.

This probably isn't of any help, but I thought I would share that with you.

Just so you know everyone's a bit messed up and no-one's perfect. Even me.