Hello

[Laurs]

Hi everyone,

Never posted on a forum before but I thought I'd give it a go.  I was diagnosed with depression a year ago, after ignoring it for a long time.  By the time I went to see my doctor I really was in a black hole.  I had stopped eating, was barely sleeping, struggling to leave the house and crying all the time (even at work!) for no reason.  The first doctor I saw was very unsupportive and more or less told me to snap out of it.  I didn't get any better so eventually after 6 weeks and with a lot of encouragement from my family, went back to see a different doctor.  She was fantastic and put me on 20mg citalopram which worked wonders, I was so glad I went.  Within a few weeks I felt like I had my personality back! After a couple of months I was doing really well so she lowered the dose to 10mg, but then my house got burgled and I ended up back at square one.  I was signed off work for a week and a half and my dosage was put up to 40mg for a few weeks to help me cope.  I eventually started to feel better so after a few weeks I went back down to 20mg.  This was OK for a while, but then I started to fall backwards again (for no apparent reason), and so was put back up to 40mg for 6 weeks.  Since then (Feb) I have been on 30mg and have been fine for most of it.  Moved in with my boyfriend to a really nice flat, got a new job- all fantastic but stressful nonetheless- but had no problems through all of that.  In the last few weeks I have started to feel it creeping back though.  I have lost all motivation and interest in everything, I'm tired all the time, struggling to get out of bed in the morning.  The obvious solution is to go back up to 40mg again, but I really don't want to do that.  It seems like a never ending circle.  If I take 40mg from now on and then if/when I fall into another low patch where do I go from there? Can't keep upping the dosage forever! There's really nothing causing it though so I don't know how else to deal with it.  If there was a problem in my life which was causing it at least I would know the cause and be able to tackle it.  It's just so frustrating that it keeps happening for no reason!


I had a few months where I was feeling great and it was looking likely that I could come off the tablets gradually over this summer, which I was so pleased about.  But now I've gone backwards again and so with having to feel normal for 6 months before coming off the tablets, and them not liking to stop them over the winter, looks like I am on them for the best part of another 12 months.  I know it's all a total stigma about depression being a weakness, but somehow in my head that's still how I feel about having to be on the tablets.  Everytime I start to feel bad again I get annoyed with myelf for not being able to overcome this stupid illness!  The other thing that bothers me is that the doctor I've been seeing all the way through (who was fantastic) has said I can no longer go to that docs surgery anymore because I have moved house (1 mile down the road!) so I am going to have to start all over again with a new doctor who doesn't know me.

Well, that's my very long winded story.  I'm loking forward to chatting to people who know how I feel.  My partner and family are great, but they just don't get it!  *()

[Grant]

Hi Laurs...

Just about to head home so have to make this quick.  The thing with depression is that its often a combination of chemical imbalance and perspective.  My understanding, simply put, is your body should CREATE the chemicals that keep you feeling good.  In a depressed state it stops doing so, which is where the pills come in.  Once you're back to normal, your body should start looking after itself again.  But then when you start getting down again, your body stops helping itself again, and the pills are required again.

The thing is, you need to figure out WHY you start feeling bad.  What is it in your life that you cant handle, and WHY cant you handle it?  In my case it was a lot to do with things that I couldnt control...and after some time of battling with myself, I managed to stop focussing so much of my attention on those things, since it would only give BAD results.  Difficult habbit to break.  But I managed...  Now when bad or stressful things happen, it will get me down TEMPORARILY, but I refuse to waste all of my energy on it, and manage to get it out of my mind before it grabs a hold of me.  I consciously look for the good things in my life, and am much happier for it.

Basically what I'm saying as that meds are necessary, and you probably DO need them...but whilst you are feeling okay, try to work on the causes too... and figure out ways to better handle the bad times.

Good luck :)

[Friartuck]

Wow...you have been through alot. I think you need a new doctor anyway! yoyoing your dose is not going to help you produce the right amounts of seretonin. I started on 20 mg, then 3 months after that i started getting worse again so I am on 40 mg for a month and then I'll go back and reevaluate. I am also about to start counselling to start digging aorund on those personal demons that are stiring so i can narrow down what is bugging me and get those things sorted out.

So my advice is. Get a new doctor if you can or..go back to the practice and say you are unable to get a new doctor and demand to stay at the practice you are with untill the condition you are suffering from is dealt with and say that you need that continuity of care for what you are being treated with if you are happy with the doctor you are with. If they say no then ask for a patient complaint form. Take someone with you you can trust, mum, dad, or good friend who can also help you at this meeting with the doctor. In the mean time find out which Primary care trust they are with and make sure that they also get a copy of the form and read their website and find out your rights. Make sure someone can help you stand up for your rights such as they are.

Don't give up and try and get your dose stabalised.

Get a book on depression and start reading up about it don;t push yourself. If work is too much Get your doctor to evaluate how fit you are for work and make sure every time you are off you get a fit note which states you are not fit to work and why. When you are able to start going back to work make sure your work know what you are suffering with and et them to make work place adaptions regular rest breaks, flexi time, some days at home if working at home is possible etc. Work out a plan of action with your doctor on this and go back to work sayiong that your doctor reccomends that this is what is needed to get you better and still work.

I hope you find some peace in all of this. I hope you can find some counselling and also some support.
God Bless

Friartuck...

P.s..I am assuming that you are on Citalopram - just so that you know the max dose is 60 mg per day...