HI

[bubbles]

Hello evveryone im 30 years old i have four kids
I have bin depressed since i was pregnant with my last child he is now 3  it all started when i had nosey naighbours with there rave music i was worring all the time
and nervers sorry im not a good speller i went to the docs and he put me on some tabs cant remenber wot there where they did not work so put me on floxentine was on them fine then we moved and i stopped takng them for about a year and abit now we moved again and its all starting to come back as the summer is here and music its not just the music getting me down its family stuff to all i want to do is shut my self away  in a dark place  and cry  and hide from it all  i want to go back to the docs but i have moved docs and im worried that they wont lesson or be as nice and understanding as my old doctor was  does this make sence i just dont to wot to do anymore feels like im carring this big dark cloud over my head all the time

[Grant]

Hi Bubbles,

We all know the feeling here - that dark cloud, emptiness and feeling of giving up.  I've managed to get through it, but not without making some difficult choices.  I'm a problem solver - people come to ME for help, not the other way around...so it was REALLY HARD for me to admit to anybody that I wasnt coping.  The other part I battled with was accepting that, even though it was OTHER PEOPLE's actions that got me down to begin with, I couldnt change them, so had to change MYSELF.  I thought it was unfair.

BUT - I could either act on those things that were hard and felt unfair, or I could stay in the bottom of my pit.  I decided to do whatever I needed to do to get out of it.  I put my pride aside, put my fears aside, and took it on.

First step was getting onto some meds to give me the STRENGTH to take it on, and then I started working through things to find the answers.

I think you need to see the doc.  He might not be as good as your last one.  He might not be understanding.  But he gives you a CHANCE of coming right - even if its just getting you back on meds.  I think you should take the difficult steps as soon as you can.  What do you have to lose?

Good luck!
Grant

[bubbles]

HI  grant thanks for replying  :)
i argee i do need to go to the docs i just need to find strengh to take the step  i forgot to say in my post that im also a diabitic and thats has gone out  the window im eating anything i want but still taking my tabs i  also have to  do things i order aswell or i think something bad is going to happen and if my routin gets mixed up i panic i dont no if i have some sort of O C D aswell and when i am kind of happy i think to my self i cant get to happy or something will happen  does that sound stupid i have got a friend coming round this weeking and im already panicking and thinking of ways to cancell

[Grant]

You are a combination of what is going on in my life RIGHT NOW

As I mentioned before - I managed to get over my depression.  I have since met a girl and got married - she is also diabetic (type 1) and suffering from depression.  When she has bad days, she "gives up" with the sugar thing, so that goes pear-shaped too...which ultimately makes her feel WORSE.  She does not have OCD, but she is currently in South Africa with a friend who's whole life has stopped because of OCD.  I know the guy - he's a good chap - very clever too - but just has these mental blocks.  He cant work, he cant drive, he cant even send an email.  He loves drawing, but doesnt, because he thinks it will make something bad happen.  Its not silly - its just a block!

I had to fight my feelings with my head.  Your brain KNOWS that getting happy wont make bad things happen - but thats not how you FEEL.  The two dont reconcile, and you go with what you feel.  Unfortunately, when you go with your feelings when you are down, it will obviously want to keep you there.

As far as being worried about getting too happy - remember that you cant control everything.  Bad things are ALWAYS going to happen, whether you are happy or sad.  But then so will good things happen.  Its life.  If you are worried about bad things happening, it means that you start to LOOK for them...and trust me...you will find them.  But again the same happens the other way around.  If you LOOK for good things, you will find them too!

For me, it was about letting go of that "control".  I decided to pay attention to the good things in my life, and write off the bad ones.  When your perspectives change, YOU change...and life becomes a whole lot easier all around.  I know its not something you can do at the drop of a hat, but plant that seed.  Keep it in the back of your mind.  Keep your eyes open for the good stuff - you have kids - the good stuff is THERE! :)
Dont rush it or force it, but just try keep pointing yourself towards the stuff that makes life worthwhile!
:)

[lightenup]

A warm welcome to the forum Bubbles great advice from Grant.  Keep us posted and ask for that help take care.

[bubbles]

hi
well i did it i went to the docs this morning and got put back on my old tabs  &^%
i no that they wont start working for the next two weeks but i have done it i have bin wanting to go for weeks put kept putting it off

[George]

Hey Bubbles

That sounds like a good, positive movement. As you say, it'll take a couple of weeks to kick in but you're getting there, well done you £$£ £$£ £$£

[Ses]

Hello Bubbles - well done for going to the docs. Hope things get better for you, and keeping talking :)

[bubbles]

hi thank u all for ur messages
im happy with myself with going to the docs i just wished that they started working straight away
 i spent most of monday crying and sitting in the downstairs toilet in the dark i just want to dissapear of the face of the earth i hate being on my own witch is most days as my o/h works and daughter at school and its just me and my toddler