just so scared of depression

[smirfy21]

thanks
still got to talk to my family when they get back and decide what im doing as my psychiatrist is keen for me to spend some time in hospital as she seems to think that I need the help and I can't help but think that at some point she is just going to take matters into her own hands and have me sectioned under the mental health act which is why I try bloody hard to seem as sane as possible when I go to my appointments.

anyway I appreciate everyones kind words and all of your support and I will let you know how things go and what choice I make
smirfy :)

[smirfy21]

Telling my family this morning was extremely frustrating. dad just made a joke out of everything and then got angry, mom already new about the depression so it didn't come as much as a surprise but when my psychiatrist told her that she felt I needed to be in hospital as I had told her I wanted to die and was refusing to take any medication that was when she got angry and made it personal but my shrink was brilliant and managed to make her see that my life is unstable and that I desperately need medical help before it ends my life.

I told mom I thought it was a good idea for me to spend some time in hospital because I can't see myself getting any better or willing to take the meds on a daily basis, that I felt I couldn't control my bulimia any more and that it is making me extremely ill and that I wanted to take some time out from uni in order to deal with my health.

dad left and I havn't seen him all morning.

The outcome of all this is that I am going to become an outpatient on the psych ward so that meds can be overlooked, I have to take part in group therapy and I have to go to the bulimia clinics on a weakly basis which I desperately need but dread.

everything is going to get better one day
smirfy

[Zaf]

It sounds perhaps as though your dad didnt realy know how to handle the news, I hope given time he'll come to undstand and accept your situation.  Mental health problems still have a huge stigma attached to them, my parents acted completely out of character when I had my first breakdown and my mum still denies I have depression despite the diagnosis.

I'm really glad you seem to have made a firm decision how to tackle things and you have taken the first steps to recovery xx

[smirfy21]

Dad really has no idea how to deal with this and its clear that he doesn't know how to act either because he hasn't said a word to me all day.
he has however taken all the knives out of the cutlery draw, all the cleaning products out of the cuboards, taken the lock off my door and removed all the glass from my photo frames, and removed all the meds from the meds cuboard.

As if this whole thing wasn't enough of a nightmare he has to go and make it ten times worse! I wish that I could make this easier for him but as I can't even control my own life or emotions I don't know how to help him.
 

[Zaf]

His actions do seem to show he cares deeply for you smirfy even though he isnt handling things well from your point of view, I would suggest he contacted a depression support group but it sounds that he may not be ready yet, if you have the energy you could perhaps find out if there is such a group in your area and leave the details somewhere he could find them in his own time.

[smirfy21]

trying to get my dad to see someone or talk to a professional really would be like trying to teach a fish to fly. he came in and said good night to me last night so thats a start at least but everything is going to take time.
mom has been good this week but I do feel a bit like a prisoner in my own home however I guess that if I had been sectioned things wouldn't be much different I probably wouldn't have been able to leave there either.
smirfy

[Zaf]

Its really hard when our parents get so badly affected by our illness    but as you say he has started speaking to you and being at home has got to be better than in a hospital.

[Alstare1974]

My local mental health team has a carer support person who my mum now sees every two weeks. It's odd to think of her as my carer as I'm 37 but hey ho.

[smirfy21]

Oh gawwd I never thought about it like that. I went to a boarding school so my folks have never really been in a position where they are having to look after me so its pretty odd them doing it now.

the whole carer thing scares the hell out of me I never want to put anyone into that position.
smify

[Alstare1974]

Sorry smirfy didn't mean to freak you out.  Am sure your parents want to be as helpful and supportive as they can be. I don't really think of my mum as my carer but without her I'd be lost at the moment. I know I don't talk about my dad much but he's in his 80s and a bit deaf so isn't able to be quite as supportive. Plus he's a generation that really just doesn't get it.