just so scared of depression

[Munchroom]

Hey smirfy.... Medication is scary, but I am so pleased you are going to give it a go. This is such a huge thing, its too big to fight off on your own - also, you have so much going on. In my opinion, once you find the right ones they just help to make things a bit more bearable and manageable. Yes, side effects are scary - but they should pass within the first few weeks.

I really admire you for still going ahead with uni - its something I never managed to do, even when I was well!

Please be assured, we are all here to help when and where we can, even if its 'just' listening  &*(

Take care, please remember (and I know its so hard to think like this...) your first priority has to be YOU xx

[smirfy21]

  I dont want to live like this anymore, I just want to die.
please please somebody help me how do I go to my psychiatrist and tell her that in two weeks I have managed to become completely suicidal and want to die without her having me sectioned under the mental health act. which she keeps threatening??
oh god this is hopeless

[seamie]

 hi smirfy. we all go through periods where we feel suicidal. i can be fine one day and the next i.m plotting my demise. your psychiatrist sounds like a throwback to the dark ages. threatening you with being sectioned isnt going to help ypu at all,just make you more anxious. it is usually the very last resort to be sectioned,if thats a help for you, because the wards of the psychiatiric units are full to bursting. how long have you been on your meds ? they might need changing or the dosage upping . where theres life, there is always hope 

[Zaf]

smirfy, go straight back to your doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling, dont wait two weeks to tell the psychiatrist.

See if there are any support groups in your area if you can, or phone/email the samaritans.

You can beat this, we all can but sometimes it just doesnt seem like we can 

[Munchroom]

Smirfy you need help now - not in two weeks. As Zaf says, go to your doctors, phone the Samaritans or even call an ambulance/go to A&E. It is awful when we go down so quickly and I'm sure the threat of being sectioned is not helping matters - i've always thought of it as a real last resort. You are under great stress with your nan and uni starting soon, so don't beat yourself up too much, it would be a stressful time for anyone - nevermind someone fighting depression as well.  &*(

[smirfy21]

I have only been seeing my psychiatrist for a couple of months now and one of the first things she told me was that if I came in and told her that I wanted to commit suicide she would consider having me hospitalised under the mental health act as I hadn't told anybody else other than her how I was feeling or about my condition and she was concerned that it would be to easy for me to kill myself.
I should probably mention that I havn't started any of the suggested meds as I have been really anxious about the side effects that they would produce but I realised last night that I cannot go any longer without them as things are getting far too dangerous for me.

I still feel incredibly low and suicidal and it feels like the whole world is on my shoulders at the moment but It will pass once I am back home and seeing my GP and psychiatrist. I have decided to go home this weekend which is much earlier that I had expected as I have been staying with family whilst visiting my nan.

thank you for all your comments
smirfy

[Zaf]

You really do need those meds smirfy, you need them to start to improve, if you possibly can you should tell your doc how you feel (and that you havent been taking your meds).

I'm sorry if it seems that we are nagging but its only because we have your welfare at heart  &*(

[smirfy21]

Zaf you are a star

[smirfy21]

I just came across the perfect quote for me.

“Insanity comes in two basic varieties: slow and fast... Viscosity and Velocity are opposites, yet they can look the same. Viscosity causes the stillness of disinclination; velocity causes the stillness of fascination. An observer can’t tell if a person is silent and still because inner life has stalled, or because inner life is fascinatingly busy.”

smirfy21

[Zaf]

Thanks for sharing that smirfy, I like it too :)

[Munchroom]

Very true Smirfy - thanks for sharing  :)

[Janey63]

aww Smirfy- PLEASE take the meds and go back to the doctors..............you don't have to feel like this and we are here if you need to talk/vent

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[smirfy21]

Thanks Janey. I think I will be going to the GP next week and getting a perscription filled.
I cannot carry on living my life like this and now that things are very slowly beginning to get easier I think that I need to go down the medication root.
smirfy

[Depina]

So glad that things are getting easier- hang on in there! XX

[Zaf]

I think you've taken a step in the right direction smirfy, depression is a chemical inbalance and you do need the right meds to get on the road to recovery.

Dont forget everyone will help and support you as much as we can  &*(