just so scared of depression

[Cinderella]

Thank you Munchroom, I am actually a qualified counsellor/psychotherapist and am still seeing my psychotherapist, who I had while I was training. She knows everything about me..... no psychiatrist.

I know all the stuff about side effects and how you have to take AD for at least 6 weeks until they settle. What does SI stand for ? Never heard of that.

 

[Munchroom]

Ah... SI is Self Injury/Self Harm... I know its not really touched much upon on these boards. Never sure how much to post or what not to post, the last thing I would ever want to do it post something that could potentially be triggering for someone else.

[Cinderella]

thanks. Don't worry!

[smirfy21]

wow what encouragemant I am getting it truly is brilliant
I have spent the morning researching all the different lists of medication and their side effects and it seems to be that everyone suggests to avoid both Lithium because it just makes you completely numb of emotion and also mirtazipine because of the massive weight gain which I am already aware of due to the fact that I spent six months on it and gained two stone which just made me more depressed.

I cant help but feel that tomorrow is going to be another big life change for me and that the next six months are going to interesting to say the least. I am going to keep posting on hear as it seems to be helping me just get things out of my head and if you fancy just popping in and leaving constructive critasism then you are all more than welcome.

I hope that you are all well
smirfy

[Cinderella]

so glad you are full of energy!!!!!!

[Munchroom]

Pleased to hear it Smirfy  :) Really hope tomorrow goes well for you xx

[smirfy21]

Just got back from the psychiatrist and I am feeling extremely drained, its strange it wasn't even a particuarly hard couple of hours but when I got home I fealt like I needed to puke my guts out and scream which was really odd.
We chated about how I had been feeling since we last met and medication options and how I fealt about side effects etc. she was really pushing for me to start a course of lithium alongside other meds and I kept telling her that I was really reluctant towards the meds that make you gain weight and drain you of all emotion so she suggested different medications and has perscribed risperidone, fluoxetine and some other drug.
I am actualy really confused about why she has perscribed risperidone now because I have just researched it and apparently the weight gain on this drug is massive and so is the numbing effect, I told her these were side effects that I wanted to avoid and she has just perscribed the drug with the most amount of side effects.
I am now feeling very undecided about weather or not going to the psychiatrist was a good idea as she seems to have got this totally wrong and seems to be leaving me for long periods of time to deal with this alone. she also doesn't actualy seem to be suggesting any other treatments like CBT or counceling or any other kind of treatment alongside the medication so what exactly is she there for I could have been perscribed all of these meds by my GP.

[Cinderella]

 
I know how you are feeling. I wouldn't make a decision today. As you are said you are drained from not being able to make a decision.
I am though, the last person who can advise you, all I can say is that I know how hard it is.

[Munchroom]

I agree with Cinderella, you have been through enough today without having to make a big decision about your meds.

Are you able to ring the psychologist, just to ask why you have been prescribed a drug that have the side effects you specifically said you didn't want?

I'm not surprised you feel drained though - I have just been out for an hour and a half with my parents and feel I could sleep all evening! It takes a lot to open yourself up to a stranger - albeit in a professional capacity, so be proud of what you have done today and put off thinking about anything important until tomorrow.

[smirfy21]

Thanks cinderella I dont think I will be making any massive decisions until monday.

I can't ring my psychiatrist and ask her why she prescribed medication with side effects that I was very specific about not wanting because when we were talking she just made them sound really reliable and brilliant and it wasn't until I got home and did the research that I realised that they would give me massive side effects and quite possibly make my life a living hell.
don't get me wrong my psychiatrist is the nicest person you could ever hope to meet but I think that I need to be clearer about what it is I want from her and how I would like her to help me otherwise we are just going to keep having this problem and my recovery is going to take much longer.

how was your time with your parents?
smirfy :)

[Munchroom]

Yeah... I think if you are able to be clear and vocalise what it is you feel you need then go for it! Unfortunately, all AD's seem to come with a truckload of side effects - which you are more than aware of!

Time with my parent's is good thanks  :) I'm very lucky that they are very understanding people, I do find around people I tend to get more tired more quickly though and sometimes I just crave some time on my own or just some space to think.

[smirfy21]

ok so its been a couple of days since I posted on hear, sorry about that I have just been so low this weekend and have spent a good proportion of it in bed however I am now feeling a lot more stable and will be trying to be more productive with my week.
how is everyone this week and what are your plans, mine are to focus my efforts on doing some art work, keeping track of my weight as I am trying to lose two stone before christmas and also going to talk to my GP about my medication options and how he can help me with my weight loss whilst taking the cocktail of drugs for my condition.
I am also thinking about putting together some kind of ideas and concept board on my wall so that I can organise and take control of my life a bit better than I have been doing as I think that in the long run this would do me the world of good and perhaps reduce my bipolar a bit aswell.
keep posting guys
smirfy

[Zaf]

I've had a really bad day today, I'd have liked to hibernate in bed but have at least managed to sit in front of the tv all day and at one point washed up from yesterday, I feel so pathetic when I'm like this but I know if I keep trying to do things I'll get worse.  To cap it all I've got a cold coming and my credit card fraud department just phoned and somehow someone's spent £500 at online betting shops with it

[cornish]

at least you managed to get something done,  dont feel pathetic just try and remember its an illness causing it.
hopefully that gets sorted soon

[Zita]

Hi there...hey you are not alone ...so feel free to rant all you like Im sure most of us around here do the same at some point...I certainly do  One good thing is that you are taking steps in the right direction...seeing a doctor and talking about it is all positive stuff...although if you starting to feel suicidal thoughts creeping up on you I would suggest you see your GP asap... I did try to end my life and luckly didnt succeed but its very scary...please seek help.  Feel free to talk...talk is good even if sometimes we just talk rubish lol. Speak soon  :)