just so scared of depression

[Cinderella]

It starts off with an argument between you and your father. That is what the psychiatrist needs to concentrate on, I think.

 

[smirfy21]

its a really strange concept dreaming, I have always had a very close relationship with my dad but he doesn't really understand my bipolar disorder and I think thats what is at the heart of this. I guess dreams bring up un-dealt with issues.
thanks for your reply and I think that next time I see my shrink I will bring this up in the mean time I will try and find ways to stop the dreams.
smirfy

[Cinderella]

you can't really control your dreams, that would defeat their purpose.
what is between you and your dad is Oedipal and actually a natural emotion. I am also bugged down with not accepting my emotions and that is when they become a masochistic thing, which causes depression.

 

[smirfy21]

oh goodness please dont tell me that I am screwed up enough without you telling me I secretly want to sleep with my father and be abused thats some pretty sick stuff. I get that you probably didn't mean it that way but it couldn't be further from the truth.
please dont stop posting because I like talking to you but please dont start telling me things like that, it really makes me feel bad
smirfy.

[Cinderella]

obviously I didn't say that.

[smirfy21]

  oh goodness please dont think I am having a go at you. I think that maybe I dont understand what an Oedipal Complex is because according to wikipedia it is a boys desire to sleep with his mother and kill his father. please explain because I think I may have got the wrong end of the stick and managed to affend you which I hate the thought of.
smirfy

[Cinderella]

No, you haven't offended me at all. It is exactly as you said it. The Oedipus complex is about a boy wanting to claim his mother and get rid of the father. But because there are other loving emotions towards the father too, it is those different emotions that are in conflict with each other.

[smirfy21]

the dreams have stopped, thank god!!

[Cinderella]

I am glad.
Sorry for my short replies, but I find it too impersonal and not very rewarding.

[smirfy21]

It doesn't matter how short the reply it doesn't bother me because its just nice to know that somebody is listening. I know it sounds silly but I dont tend to have much support with my condition so when I am able to just say what I am feeling and not have some smart arse giving me some psychobable about how I only have myself to blame and that only I can change it. trust me even a one line reply is refreshing.
I have to say I feel like I haven't asked you much about yourself and how you are feeling and these forums work both ways. how are you feeling today?

[Cinderella]

I know what you mean, although it is sort of public.
I am ok today. My daughter had top results in her SATs yesterday, which makes me very proud.

My problem is that I am scared of antidepressants. 2 years ago I went to my GP and got some prescribed. I took them for 10 days but felt that my whole personality was affected by it. Now that I have the same issue again I got them in the draw, but only take 1/2 dose.

[smirfy21]

I know what you mean about the antidepressants. I have an appointment on thursday with my psychiatrist to talk to her about my options and which medications to take and this makes me nervous because she wants me to take a mood stabalizer, an antidepressant and some kind of medication alongside the two to help with the side effects.
I have to say that I am very very concerned about the medications because it seems to be a huge amount to be taking and the side effects of most of the suggested medications for bipolar disorder really scares me, especialy as I will be hiding the fact that I am taking medication from my family because they are very anti medication and mental health.
I know that in the long run the medication will help to level things out and make my life better but at the moment I am feeling very negative towards taking any medication at all and I dont know if I should tell my psychiatrist this or not.

[cornish]

first of all many of the meds you will get prescribed wont work for a few weeks and for those few weeks you may even feel worse but they will start to work and dont worry too much about the side effects as they die down a lot after a few weeks. so at least stick with them for a few weeks unless you feel a lot worse then go back to your doctor asap

i was hugely anti drug but im converted, i dont actually think i would still be here without all the meds i take

it may seem like a huge amount to take but i take between 7 and 15 pills a day and ive kept that hidden from everyone other than my mother who i told, due to my memory problems so she could help remind me to take the important ones.
im my opinion i think u should tell your psychiatrist everything, its the only way they can help you effectively,

[Cinderella]

 :)

thank you for your replys and encouragements. Obviously Cornish you have a different outlook and you Smirfy are a bit like me. We are all different and cope in the best way we can.

[Munchroom]

I agree with Cornish - You must tell your psychiatrist everything, that is what they are there for and they will not judge you.

Also - medication isn't meant as a magic 'cure'. Anti-depressants are there to make everything feel a little bit more manageable.

Before all of this, I was the sort of person that wouldn't even take paracetamol for a headache! Now I feel sometimes its a wonder I dont rattle  At the end of the day, AD's are altering the chemicals in your brain, so chances are there will be side effects with all of them. Its down to personal opinion what is manageable and what is not - I know, for example, that Venlafaxine does tend to lift my mood and get me out of bed in the morning, so the night sweats, vivid dreams & lack of libido are just something I ned to tolerate for a while, all of them together don't make me feel as bad as not taking any medication!! So in a way, it's worth it! Mitrazapine though... a big fat NO. They increased my appetite... pretty good for a borderline anorexic (at the time) but I had no control over what I was eating and then it made me anxious that I would start to put on weight...

If there are side effects that you expereince that cause you massive distress or if the tablets start to make you feel 'numb' then your doctor is there to help you find something else that will work. But you have to be 100% upfront and honest with the people that are trying to help you. I know it is far from easy to admit to SI or worse... but these people understand you are ill - they are not expecting logical answers for what you do or why you do it, they are there to help!

I'm so sorry that your family are anti medication and don't seem to understand mental health. it must be very hard to deal with all of this whilst effectivley keeping it a secret from those closest to you. Sometimes it feels like me must be wearing it in neon lights across our forehead!! I hardly told anyone when I was at my worst last year - really it was only my family and closest closest friends that knew - mind you, I hardly went out of the house! But now I am getting back into work and seeing people I know again, they are genuinely stunned that I suffer with mental health issues - so that's re-assuring in a way, it doesn't define us!

Take care Smirfy - you can always pm me if you need to let of steam or just need to chat. But please I can't re-iterate this enough, tell health professionals everything they are there to help, let them!

xx