Hello

[MrsBo]

Hello everyone. Im Caroline and i'm 28. I was diagnosed with depression in my mid teens and have been on and off tablets ever since. I got married last year and my (lovely, supportive) husband and i are now trying for a baby. I came off Citalopram in January because my doctor said i had to if i was going to have a healthy pregnancy/ child. About a month ago the old familiar symptoms started and as usual i pretended they weren't happening for too long and now im in that deep dark hole. I went to my new doctor this morning and she didn't seem to know a lot about antidepressants in pregnancy so is going to do some research and get back to me in the next few days. I went back to work and broke down, told my boss all about it and, luckily, she understood and was supportive. Right now i'm home from work, sat listening to our noisy neighbours (as usual) and panicking about what i'm going to do until the tablets start to work or, worse still, how i will cope if they can't put me on medication because it might harm my future children. I have been here many a time but it never gets any easier. I'm so disgusted that i've let myself get here again.
Has anyone any advice for me at all? Thanks for reading

[Grant]

Hi Caroline,

First of all, dont be so hard on yourself - its a vicious cycle anyway!

Meds are importnant to give yourself the energy to tackle life, but as I'm sure you know, its only half the battle.  The other half is about changing your perceptions. 99.999 percent of life we can do nothing about.  The world will turn...people will make their own choices...things will get in our way!  The best thing you can ever teach yourself is to accept those things that you have NO control over, because those very things can take up so much space in our minds...and for nothing!
If you can let go of those things, you can concentrate on the things you CAN control... like prepping the room for your baby...reading up on parenting...loving your husband.  It might not feel like it makes much difference to begin with, but trust me, getting a tight grip on these things makes you start to look at things from a better point of view.

Its never all that simple, but in the long run, you need to identify the steps that you need to take... and YOU have to decide that its worthwhile taking them.  Just keep your eyes open for support, insight and motivation.  Its all around you and in weird places - you just have to pick them out :)