Panic over going back to work....i know im not ready really :(

[AliMcBeer]

hey all, not been on much as have been feeling bit low lately.

ive been trying not to worry about work as i was told i was prob gonna lose my job, therefore not much i could do about it so didnt see the point in worrying about it.

The thing is, ive made a really rash descision and asked them if i can go back but reduce my hours, not because i feel ready but because i really dont want to lose my job, i do love it there and miss all the people i work with, although we all keep in touch out of work aswell.

Im really panicking now cos i know im not fit for work, but to save my job im trying to get them to let me go back!

My daughter has been picking arguments with me, everything that goes wrong is my fault basically, i cant do right for wrong with her, shes throwing stuff at me constantly, making me feel like the worst mother in the world!! today i just wanted to go to the station get on a train and f..k them all!!!

just when i feel im making progress something else messes it up.

I feel like im on a knife edge and one false move either way will jus tip me off the edge. Everyone thinks ive got it sussed, that i know what im doing, that im getting better and making progress, but i know im not, im just a good actress and mask wearer.


ive just had enough now, of trying to be strong and covering it up, and saying im ok, and not letting anyone see the real me, i just want to let it all go, but im scared to.

im really scared......

[lightenup]

Hi Ali, for me also I now know for many years I was wearing a mask.  Good old me always the one to sort everything out, good old me the one to always dump on.  I just want to let you know, although it is difficult to say no everything is not all right, and you don't feel alright, I couldn't concentrate to work, even replying on here takes a load of concentration.  Remind them in work that they cannot legally get rid of you when you are unwell, I think you are brave to keep working, but it is also probably good as it keeps lines of communication open with others.  Hope I am making sense.  Since being diagnosed, I have been finding it very difficult even with the help of CBT (they have agreed) i am dealing with a lot of crap and it seems like sometimes someone is hanging over me with a big dumpster.

You need to try and take a little more care for yourself and try to get time just for you, sorry I can't help you a little more but I'm feeling very low myself.  Take care  (((big hug)))

[kentgirl]

Hi Ali, I know how you feel as I'm going through the same thing, awaiting a medical for work but go on nil pay 25th of this month, I tried to go back to work because of the financial situation but they won't have me back till I've seen my OH specialist.

As for your daughter I'm no specialist but she's probably picking things up and is confused, lots of cuddles and no questions helped me with my son.

Sorry I can't help further.

[AliMcBeer]

thanks guys, it does help to know im not alone and someone else understands. just feel all the life has been sucked out of me at the min.

going back to doctors this week aswell so will speak to him and OH at work.

thanks for your support, and i hope your ok too :) x

[account deleted]

Hi there,

Did you have any joy at the docs?
Are you feeling any better now?

G