So here I am!

[IAmNotMe]

Hi everyone!

I'm Al, or IAmNotMe on here. I'm in my late 30s and have suffered with depression since my late teens.

It's not been constant - I've had several periods where I've been "ok", between my major episodes. Or perhaps I've had my major episodes between the periods of normality!

I was married for 15 years, (we were going out for 4 years before that) and I have two beautiful girls, 9 and 4 who live with their mum.

Their mum and I split up almost two years ago now, at the beginning of my current episode. She wasn't coping well with depressed me, and I moved back in with my parents.

This has been the darkest and longest depression I've had. On the other hand, I've also had the best support this tme around.

In the past, I've been able to identify the catalyst or triggers for the depression. This time round, I couldn't pin it on any one or two causes. Or perhaps I didn't want to admit them.

I know I'm my own worst enemy at times and I sometimes do the exact opposite of what I know I should be doing.

I'm lucky to have held down a job since leaving university, and thankfully I've had some extremely understanding bosses.

Uh, I seem to have gone on rather! Sorry!

I'll do what I intended to originally: say hi...

Hi!

[account deleted]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your troubles... I am also my own worst enemy and I seem powerless so stop me!
Although my wife and I are still together, I fear it is only a matter of time before she leaves me for an easier life. It must be hard being married to a depressive.

Hi again,

G.

[lightenup]

A warm  !"£ to the forum :)

[Ses]

Hello Al,

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I empathize with you completely, partly through being divorced myself, and especially this bit:

"In the past, I've been able to identify the catalyst or triggers for the depression. This time round, I couldn't pin it on any one or two causes. Or perhaps I didn't want to admit them."

That's the bit that I'm struggling with at the moment. Just as everything seems on a level course and I even *gulp* considering coming off Citalopram, I have a bad week/month and the circle starts again. I know it's so much better than it was before but it's getting past that (hopefully) last bit that seems such a trial. Maybe we're almost scared to let go of the strange 'comfort zone' that is depression? Who knows... And I get what you mean when you refer to bad periods between normality, or is it vice versa?

All the best, and Hi to you too!

Ses