ho will i ever beat this

[declano]

im not very good at talking about my problems, but iv suffered with this for so long i just dont know what to do any more, iv tried to commit suicide 4 times in the last 7 years the last time was abt 3 yrs ago, i always battled with this my hole life im 37 yrs of age i used to work hard drink hard to get throughlife. im been to doctors iv talked to councellers all to no affect just made me feel worse, i dont know if theres an answer to my problems, i dont know if ill ever beat this. but the one thing i do know i cant go on like this. thanks to any one who reads this

[lightenup]

Hi Declano a warm welcome to the forum, you know your worth more that this crap depression, and what helps sometimes is the damned mindset that you will beat it.  You are not alone we are all in the same boat on here.  I think you need to get some help again and see your GP, I know they can't always give us all the answers, but maybe you need different AD's, and more support.  Have you anyone close you can talk to and support you?  You can also visit www.mindfulhelp.org.uk they offer a free service to offer support.  Take care 

[declano]

hi lighenup thanks for your reply, i should have got away from family stuff years ago, deep down i knew it was the only way i would ever be able to get on with life. iv been strong minded for a long time, dont think just do, kind of attiude. but that wears a bit thin after a while, ill check out web site you suggested see if that helps cheers

[lightenup]

No problem Declano, sorry I can't be of more help, I think people surrounding us get fed up with us being low all the time, I have tried the suicide thing a couple of times, but my kids faces flashed before me and stopped me taking too much.  I'm taking the bloodymindedness approach

I've been ill for a couple of years now, and I certainly understand as do others on the forum, keep postings as this helps everyone on the forum.

[bel]

Hi Declano, welcome to the forum.
Like you I struggled with depression for most of my life (I'm 47 now). And it is the worst thing. But you can beat it.
Unfortunately being strong minded doesn't always work, I think because the crap that set you on this road is still there in your subconscious and as soon as you relax your guard it comes back to bite you - big style! For myself, I found I had to face all the childhood/family stuff and come to terms with it. It was tough and painful but it gave me a way out of depression. It still comes back from time to time and threatens to drag me down again but now I can recognise it and, although it can make me feel a bit sh***y for a day or so, I can get over it. Don't know if this is relevant for you.
As lightenup says, keep posting; let us know how you're doing, and help you if we can.
Best wishes, bel

[declano]

hi bel , i have tried to deal with all this stuff over many years, you just get tired of pretending all the time, just when you think youd cracked it, it all turns to crap again. i just cant enjoy life anymore i just want to be on my own all the time, Iv no confidence left cant get work sorted because of feeling so low all the time, i just cant think straight, i honestly cant remember the last time i had a good night sleep were talking years here not days or weeks im so tired all the time, my brother passed away last year out of the blue only then did i find out he was treatning to kill himself all the time, we hadnt spoken in about five years. I wish i could have had the chance to talk to him, just to say things could be a lot worse, if he only knew, he died of natural causes in the end. i suppose im being selfish but i hated him for die'ing not because id miss him so much, because he never liked me anyway, but because how could i put my family through this again, all i thought at his funeral was it should have been me...     

[AliMcBeer]

hi Declano,  !"£

Its so hard to see any way out of depression when your so deep into it. I have felt that way myself, and still do. It is crap and i dont think anyone can really understand it unless theyve been there themselves. Sometimes i think this is up to me, its only me that can eventually help myself to see any light in the dark, im not sure anyone who hasnt been there can help. thats why i joined this forum, everyone here understands some of what were all going through.

You could contact Mind aswell, they can give you info for more help and they have drop in groups and sessions, there maybe one near you. Sometimes better to be able to talk to people who understand it and are going through similar things.
www.mind.org.uk

As the others have said, keep posting, there is lots of help on here and support, big hugs :)