Hey lovely people , I'm new!

[Travelergirl]

Hey guys. Basically I'm 21 and haven't been so low as I am now since I was 15/16 when I got very depressed, quite probably due to my Dads depression rubbing off on me a bit, and also I think it's hereditary as my Nana killed herself when I was 7. I feel low very easily. But since coming to uni I've been, generally, a lot happier. Around exam period I always get stressed, and exams are coming up in May. But this is a little early to be related to exams for me. I've had money stresses over the last couple of months. And a close, but new (about a year) friend has always seem to have something going wrong. I love her but she's always upset about something. I think she has depression to be honest, she has self harmed before (I've not, but considered a few times), but she won't help herself by talking to doctors or anything. It stresses me out a lot. When I was 16 the doctor put me on Prozac, but that scared me cos my dad was much more depresses than I was (or so I assumed) and was on anti-depressants, so I went to a therapist for about 2 years and I was much better. I wanted CBT, but the waiting list was so long it wasn't worth it for me. I've been to the doctors now, (in the city im at uni), and first I was offered an anti-depressant to help me get through exams, then when I went back to see another doctor who said she'd rather not do that. She gave me a number for a local therapist, and gave me an "old fashioned" anti-depressant on a very low dose, but primarily for the side effect of drowsiness as I sleep SO badly, and have incredibly bad nightmares. So im taking that right now, but feeling lower and lower. Trying to keep away from people as I can't pretend I'm ok any more. My friend mentioned earlier, she tweeted last night " When u clock how self-centred and uncaring a friend.... A 'CLOSE' friend... I really never thought I'd say it about this person". This has really knocked me down further as I have never felt successful or good at anything, other than being a good friend. So now it's like I have nothing to hold on to anymore.

This was a very long first post, maybe should have saved some for another thread, but I just needed to say it somewhere as I can't tell anyone. Thanks for giving me the space to talk, already :)

Love

[catsmeow]

I think a lot of students find uni a very isolating place. Whilst there is plentiful social interaction, it seems to function around going to the pub ...etc. I think you firstly need a person you think you can rely on and trust to tell your problems to. Whilst I understand this is easier said than done, have you thought of just telling someone like a mentor in uni? Just unleashing everything you feel on to a stranger helps to let go, and you don't have to consider the repercussions of how it will effect friendship...etc.  I think CBT would be a good step for you, you have to keep telling yourself, your 21 now. If you can combat your depressive nature now, whilst it may take time...etc you're firstly giving yourself skills that will come in handy later on in life, like how to handle stressful situations properly (sometimes the lesson learned hardest is the one that really sticks). You can find online guides, or your university library will have books on how to practice CBT whilst your on your waiting list. Its mainly about identifying points that lead you to feeling depressed, so rather than simply 'feeling depressed' you take pro-active action on writing these features down. It will make you more self-assertive in the long run. Also, i think you'd be very surprised by the statistics of how many students suffer depression, so perhaps just being more open with the friends you do have will open boundaries of being able to share, and feel compassion with those that are close to you. NLP may also be a good resource for exam stress, at £50 for one off sessions if you can get a parent to pay. Hope this helps (I'm also new!).

[bel]

Hi Travelergirl, and catsmeow  !"£
I think uni is very hard when you're depressed, especially as everyone else seems to be having a great time. But quite likely you are not the only one so do try to find someone to share it with. I'm not sure I understand what your friend tweeted you, is she saying you're uncaring? Bear in mind though that she is depressed herself and depressed people can often be very cruel and hurtful to those around them, although maybe not intentionally. So try not to let it drag you down further. All the best, bel