I'm a 21 year old student and my housemate is just about driving me mad. This post is gonna be a long one but I'd be SO appreciative if someone could lend me an ear!
I just need a place to vent about this really, and also just wanted some honest opinions about whether you guys would react similarly, or if I'm the one being unreasonable here. I get so stressed out and upset by minor confrontations that I start to lose perspective and start thinking "maybe it's all my fault...", so could do with an un-biased, objective opinion here!
Basically, the situation goes like this... I live in a house of 4, i.e. I rent the house with 3 other students who I made friends with at uni. One of these said housemates drops out of uni- she isnt doing well, and she decides that it's just not worth her continuing, so she packs up and goes home. This does not affect the rest of our rent bills (which we pay £240 each monthly) because we all signed seperate contracts, and thus (unfortunately for her) she is legally obligated to pay her share for the rest of the year, even though she is no longer living with us.
She moved out in october 2010, but every second or third weekend she (and always one of her various friends from home) comes to stay for about three nights over the weekend. Since she moved out, we obviously don't include her in paying for any of the gas, electric or water bills. This means that every weekend she and a friend comes to stay, we are paying for her visit; every time she charges her phone, takes a hot shower, uses the oven, puts the heating on etc, we are paying for it, not her. This might not seem like a big deal, but anyone who's ever been a student will understand that money is tight, and these weekend visits soon add up to a significant amount of money (especially when she leaves her phone charger constantly plugged in) which she has never offered to contribute to. Now I have never mentioned this to her before now, nor have any of my other housemates, because we don't want to cause any ill-feeling.
HOWEVER, there's another down-side to her weekend visits; every time her and her friend come to stay, they don't wash up after themselves! They always leave the house with at least 4 dirty plates and two pans, just expecting us to clean them up. The fact that she knows she wont be back for two or three weeks and yet she leaves so much mess, I think is inconsiderate as she knows we'll have no chouce but to clean up after her.
Again, I have never before now mentioned any of this to her as I hate confrontation and do not want to cause ill-feeling! None of my other housemates have mentioned any of this either. Then, a few days ago when I was doing the washing up left by said ex-housemate and her friend, another housemate mentions to me that ex-housemate wants to remind me that I owe her £6 from two weeks ago (yes, she asks someone else to give me the message rather than asking me herself). This really angered me, as I dont think it's fair to hound someone for 6 measly pounds when you are using gas electric and water for freee every two or three weekends, plus the free maid service she's been recieving when we have to clean up after her.
So I sent her an email saying I was sorry for not giving her the £6 back yet (which I had forgotten about), but I thought it was a bit unfair hounding me for the £6 when we pay for her weekend visits here as she contributes nothing, and that it would also be nice if she and her friends could clean up after themselves instead of expecting us to do all the dirty work (literally). I thought this was a reasonable response to her inconsiderate behaviour, maybe you guys think different. She replies "Well if you'd like I'll pay you the few pounds I must have cost you for electricity and you can pay me back the £1200 I've had to pay on rent so that you guys didnt have to". I didn't understand why she was bringing up rent when it was irrelevant, and asked her why she was bringing it up, and she responds by acting like she did us a HUGE favour by continuing to pay the rent, when she "could have easily dropped out and left you guys to pay my share". I tell her that this is incorrect, she was legally obligated to continue to pay the rent, so she didnt do us a favour by continuing to pay it - her rent doesnt affect us as we have seperate contracts. I then remind her that this is no big deal- I'm simply saying that seeing as though we are paying for her visits, it would be nice of her to be a bit more considerate and at least clean up after herself when she leaves.
She simply responds with "If you care about £6 that much just keep it. I am fed up with this ridiculous conversation now."
£6 was not the point... it wasn't about money, it was about her being inconsiderate to myself and my housemates.
By this point I decide to leave it, she refuses to stop seeing herself as the victim here. And so, after noticing some petty facebook statuses she's made, I eat a LOAD of chocolate brownies and go to bed, feeling miserable, thinking "Am I the bad guy here? Have I really been that unreasonable for her to react like that?!" I can't understand why she can't say "Sorry about the mess, I'll clean up next time!" I'm not asking her for the money she owes us for all her visits, I'm not telling her not to come anymore, all I'm asking is for a little more consideration.
What I really want to know is:
Have I over-reacted? SHould I not have said anything to her?
Am I the bad guy here? Was I unneccessarily harsh?
How would you guys deal with/react in this situation?
I really do get abnormally upset and stressed by confrontation, and this whole deal is making me miserable
