After having been on lots of different medications and still feeling over time that the depression is growing again...it makes me wonder if the medical profession are actually helping?
I mean by that, that we have depression, we are all on medication, talking therapy and yet day in and out, there are people on here posting. Some say they have had depression for over 25 years.
Maybe they take and antidepressant and the depression abates for a couple of months or years, but inevitably it comes back. When we have been to the GP over and over again and the depression is still there after so many years. The GP's and psychiatrists seem to sort of subconsciously wash there hands of us.
I don't see any GP's or psychiatrists coming online to these forums and trying to help people. We are all suffering and the people we are leaning on the most to help us, simply can't. When you go onto psychiatry websites about depression etc and look in the treatment section, its all the same. Talk therapy, counseling, medication. But they don't really come across as caring. They don't say that the medication doesn't work forever.
I had a couple of years free from depression to begin with and life was great. But now I am stuck in that dark hole were it has come back again and now no many how many pills i take nothing seems to touch it.
They say that self medicating with alcohol and recreational drugs and smoking is bad for you. But when you are in constant pain in your head and the medication does nothing, what do they expect people to do? People are made to feel bad to talk about depression because usually that also involves talk about suicide and that is a social taboo.
Why is it not a social taboo that depression effects 1 in 4 people but nothing is being done about it?
Tablets only try to treat the symptoms and not the cause.
Its like putting a plaster on a cut that won't stop bleeding. Every now and again the plaster has to be changed. They need to find the cause of the bleeding, the depression.
Every year the statistics on this change. Last year and the year before I am sure it was 1 in 6 people we know have depression. Now it is 1 in 4. Soon the whole planet will be full of people who are depressed and no one will care enough to do anything about it, because they will all be too busy being depressed.
Depression is one of the most debilitating disease out there, and yet it doesn't get no where as near to being taken seriously as things like cancer. Because there is no "physical" display that depression exists.
I feel angry and frustrated that it is considered acceptable for me to be feeling like I wished I was dead every day. That no one can really help. I can't even help myself. When I am faced with feeling like there is nothing out there that will help me, it is no wonder that so many with depression inevitably just want the pain to stop, and the only last way for that to happen...is suicide.
And we are made to feel guilty for contemplating it when its the fact that we aren't getting the help we need which brings us to our final end.
Sometimes I wonder if there should be a euthanasia scheme, were people with depression that is so debilitating can go to be medically put to sleep. If you had an animal with an illness that was not curable and it caused that animal untold daily pain, you would put it down because it would be cruel otherwise. And yet for us humans it is deemed acceptable to suffer day in and day out.
I'm sorry if this is ranting to some people. I just feel so bad at the moment, and yet so restricted in what I can do. I am tied down with depression, with it eating away at me day in and out. Like some worm crawling away under my skin that I can't get rid off. I am at the moment now smoking and drinking due to the stress and to numb the pain, but I know (an that in itself is even more depressing) is that I will go to the dr this week but nothing will be done. I will explain what is wrong and my gp will say "well I can't really help you with that, you should speak to your psychiatrist" and the psychiatrist will just be the same. I know because this has happened before.
These people seem content to just push us depressed people to the next one down the line and it keeps going on like that.
I mean instead of being lectured on self harm being bad for me, and why I shouldn't do it. Surely they should be looking into why people who are depressed self harm!!! Surely there is something going on in the brain, some type of malfunction that needs addressing. Telling someone that self harming is bad is just pointing out the obvious.
Has anyone ever written to their psychiatrist with like diary's or something so that they know how that person feels days in and day out? One of my problems is that I don't have an expressive face, I am usually very "stony" and so when i feel like kicking and screaming inside, I can appear quite serene on the outside.
I think I am depressed, that is another thing that has never been told to me, what is wrong with me, whenever I asked there is always a clever little change in subject or diversion and I always come away with the whole "do you even know what is wrong with me?" question in my head.
What does it take to make these people realise that this is serious? Obviously nothing will make them realise, because people are self harming and committing suicide all the time, and nothing changes.
I'm sorry if this is offensive to anyone, I am just tired of it all. I want it gone so that I can just get up for 1 day, 1 day!!! without this oppressive weight hanging around my neck.
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Noises irritate me, they become painful like someone running their nails down a board. I feel agitated but useless. I feel stricken, laden and heavy inside. Like there is a small butterfly in a jar and the oxygen is slowly running out. There is no where to turn. I want to cry but nothing happens. i want to scream but I just stare at walls. Inside I feel like I am slowly crumbling away to nothing. And another part of me is watching all this and crying at the sadness of it all. nothing interests me, food tastes like nothing. Sunshine feels like cloudy days. The reason for breathing, for getting out of bed is constantly in my head. And a resounding silence is the answer. Yet I get up anyway. Life has become this repetitive cycle of different depression.
If someone thinks there is something they said to a gp or psychiatrist that got them a different treatment or something that helped then please let me know.
I am so desperate that I am now going to see my gp and see whether i would be a candidate for clinical trials for treatment resistant depression. I would try anything for this to go away.
