Anger management

[Amanda_George]

Serious question about anger management classes online:

Since coming off the Citalopram in March this year, I've realised that it dulled all my emotions, including my anger and TBH I don't feel in control of my emotions any more.

It's not a constant thing, thankfully, but I can go from average to blowing my top anger then back to average within a minute and it scares me rigid.

I threw a couple of empty, plastic bottles against the wall instead of hurting Steve or myself then as soon as they hit the floor I was back to my usual, calm self.

It's not the first time it's happened but it's getting worse and more intense each time.

Does anyone happen to know of any free online courses that I can take to help me to learn to control my unreasonable anger please?

If you don't want to go public with the name of the place, just send me a quick PM on the forum and I will totally respect your desire for anonymity.

I just don't want to explode at a red traffic light when I try and cross the road or someone cutting me up accidentally while I'm in Patrick in town is all.

TBH, I'm scared of what I'm capable of and I don't trust myself any more!

[Pip]

Go on the Jeremy Kyle Show to get help that way  .

On a serious note anger is horrible living with and I managed to learn how to deal with my anger.  I still have a temper but I still use tactics to help me not to explode.  Unfortunately I don't have any experience with anger management so all I can do is make suggestions:

Use Google to search

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anger.htm

https://beckinstitute.org/seven-steps-anger/

https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/managing-anger-with-cbt-for-dummies-cheat-sheet-uk-edition/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/controlling-anger/

[Amanda_George]

Thank you Pip.  I tried a search before posting here but got so confuzzled with all the different options!  I'll go and have a look at your links now   

[Martin]

An 'Anger Diary' is a good thing to work on.
Anyone who has ever struggled with uncontrollable anger and rage knows that anger has a way of sneaking up and taking control of us; our thoughts and actions, before we even realise what’s happening. It seems like we're completely out of control and as if we can never fix this or even manage it. We can, with practice. With the right commitment to ourselves and a lot of consistent practice, we can get better at catching anger before it takes over.

Keeping an Anger Diary will help you achieve that goal.
Here's what you do (I'm not a therapist so excuse the laymans terminology).
Either at the end of the day or a few hours after the anger has passed, take a moment to reflect on a situation in which you felt your rage fire up, or even an incident that got you frustrated. Make a few notes about the event.

On a sheet, make 4 columns or a block of rows (whatever you prefer) or even just one page in a notepad for each incident:
Trigger | Warning Signs | Anger Response | Outcome

After you make a note of a few (say 5) incidents that fired up your anger, review what notes you've made.
Ask yourself:
Do you see any patterns relating to your anger?
How would you like to react differently?

[Amanda_George]

Thank you Martin, I'll give it a go, but the rage seems to come out of nowhere, for no reason and lasts less than 5 seconds!  I'm fine immediately before and immediately after, it's just sooo unpredictable that's the scariest part and it's not every day either, or even every week, I can go weeks between outbursts then the next one is more intense than the previous one.  I just want to learn how to control it and stop the rage before I get out of control and accidentally hurt myself or someone else and I don't know how to.

My father had bursts of rage when I was a child but his lasted for hours before he calmed down whereas mine lasts for maybe 5 seconds... could it be genetic maybe?

[Pip]

Martin - your suggestion is good for me as my husband and I have had a bad couple of years.  Recently one of our neighbour's and her daughter have started a campaign against us and a friend who lives further away.  Yesterday was a bad day as the daughter posted abuse and was threatening basically accusing us three of posting false allegations etc (Facebook) plus trying to call our bluff over doing anything legally towards her mum and her.  The police officer we saw this morning was as much use as a wet paper bag and the threats aren't good enough.  Our friend is a landlady and this neighbour, her family and friends caused problems at her pub which is all on CCTV which includes one of them pushing her 6 months pregnant daughter and drug taking.

The daughter claims that it was the bar staff and regulars are the ones who caused the trouble and none of the party she was part of didn't do anything wrong.  This is normal as she and her mother get into trouble then blame everybody else.  What she hasn't bargained for is the police have the footage of what happened.

[Martin]

Gosh that does sound like a nightmare 'neighbours from hell' situation.
Sometimes holding back anger is hard - we are, after all, only human.

Martin - your suggestion is good for me as my husband and I have had a bad couple of years...

[Martin]

That is an interesting question Amanda. Some people say that genetics do you have a role in our mental-health but circumstances are most likely more influential over our emotional stability and our ability to be rational in difficult situations. If we are brought up in a very angry and turbulent environment then it would not be a surprise to adopt a similar way of dealing with life's challenges.

Explosions of rage occur when we don't pause and think rationally before reacting. Every activity or situation that we experience brings about a thought process and our reaction (anger for example) is the consequence of those thoughts.

Anger is a very challenging reaction but it can be managed in a way that helps you to cope with situations better and not have consequences to deal with later. It's easy to say "I'm not going to get angry again" but then when a situation arises, depending on our upbringing and beliefs, we instantly explode into rage. We have to train ourselves to think and react differently and this is all part of being rational. Not easy but it can be done.

I'm no therapist and so my words may seem a little bit jumbled my thoughts may seem a little bit all over the place so I hope you get the idea of what I'm saying that we can manage our emotions but it does take work. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of habit building. I suppose many of us who suffer with fiery personalities have developed the outbursts as a habit and that's the way we are. We have to reverse that habit, change to a habit of reacting to situations in a better way.

Sorry I went on a little bit.

Thank you Martin, I'll give it a go, but the rage seems to come out of nowhere, for no reason and lasts less than 5 seconds!  I'm fine immediately before and immediately after, it's just sooo unpredictable that's the scariest part and it's not every day either, or even every week, I can go weeks between outbursts then the next one is more intense than the previous one.  I just want to learn how to control it and stop the rage before I get out of control and accidentally hurt myself or someone else and I don't know how to.

My father had bursts of rage when I was a child but his lasted for hours before he calmed down whereas mine lasts for maybe 5 seconds... could it be genetic maybe?

[Amanda_George]

Thank you Martin.  I'm just so scared that it'll build and build then I'll explode at just the wrong time is all     It's a very temporary emotion in me that lasts for literally a few seconds but I don't know how to control it     If I could be angry and rational then that'd be fine and dandy, but the anger I've had so far has come out of nowhere and seems to take over every cell in my being for those few seconds and I don't want to explode at just the wrong time   

[Martin]

Are you conscious of your anger all the time? Is it in the back of your mind as something you’re constantly about?

Thank you Martin.  I'm just so scared that it'll build and build then I'll explode...

[Amanda_George]

I've always been a calm person but since coming off the Citalopram I can't control my anger any more   

[Martin]

What are you on now? I was on Citalopram for a year or few but am now on Sertraline and Propranolol.

[Amanda_George]

I'm just on Olanzapine now 'cos the Citalopram's got an allergen in it