Christmas misery and frustrations

[lostmyway]

Hi all

I just need to express my sheer frustration and misery due to the upcoming festive season.  My mother is driving me CRAZY.  Endless times she has asked me who have we sent cards to, send presents to, how long it is til xmas day, how much she hates xmas because of people who are dear to her have passed away.  She asks me the same things all the time, even innocuously she asked me whether i wanted a cup of coffee (i had already had 2) she says ' oh well f**k you then'.  I guess to some would find that funny... I do not.

It seems no matter how many times i explain things, she never really gets it, and i can't take it anymore.. I just can't.

She says she cannot do the xmas shopping on her own. At no point did I ever say she had to, so I don't really get where all of it is coming from.  All i DO know is that i cannot live like this anymore, i will do something stupid and jump off a bridge, or in front of a bus. That is how bad it is right now.  I have no friends, no wife or kids.. NOBODY i can truly confide in.  It honestly makes me lose the will to live.  All I can foresee is that 2018 is going to have to be a year of great change in my life because I have reached the end of my tether.

I am 46, I need to grow up and take responsibility for my own life before it's too late.  Some may find guys that live with parents later in life to be a bit of a joke.. someone to poke fun at

its FAR from a joke to me.

 greensmilies-004

[Amanda_George]

I never know the right words to say to express what I want to say gently so I'll just come out and say it:

How would you and your mum feel about having respite care a couple of times a month, just to give you a break?

There's nothing wrong with still living at home at 46... you're doing a very important job with looking after your mum and it sounds like you could do with a break for a while every now and then is all.

Maybe have a word with your GP about how the situation is making you feel and see if s/he can come up with any ideas or support for you?

I don't mean to offend you, I just don't know of a gentler way to say it is all... sowwy!

[lostmyway]

I'm not offended, the situation is what it is. Ideally I would of moved out years ago but for whatever reason I have stayed here (probably economical reasons mostly).  It's a situation that's hard to alter.

[Amanda_George]

Everyone needs a break every now and then and it shouldn't matter if it's responsibility or economic reasons that you're living at home but it's obvious you need a break occasionally.

Does your mum have any friends or other family she could see every so often, just to give you both a break from each other?  It doesn't have to cost anything for either of you... even a trip to your local park or window-shopping is better than nothing!

You're doing the best you can, Lost, but you shouldn't feel that you are at your mum's beck and call the whole time, which is why I'm suggesting respite care is all.  Maybe have a word with your GP about it and see if they can suggest anything?

if you want it?

[lostmyway]

I do need one as I have been feeling stressed out of late, with no end in sight.
I do what I can , but I'm not a kid and shouldn't feel pressurised to be around and jump up and down when somebody else says so.   I don't really want to go down the GP route but you never know if will come to that.  Judging from what I have seen/heard so far, I would say probably.

[Amanda_George]

Are you with the same GP as your mum?  If you are, could you see someone else at the surgery or anything like that?  How would you feel about contacting your local adult social services and asking someone to come out to assess your care needs to help you and your mum to have a break for a few hours a week/month or whatever?     Just someone to come out to see your mum while you go out for a walk or to see a friend or something?

 

[lostmyway]

I dont really have any friends. Since I left work I don't see anybody.  I just need my own life and independence. I do my best for my mother but all of this is making me ill.  If I so much as mentioned care needs, she (mother) would go off like a rocket at me.  I am depressed because I want to change the past but cannot.  I dont seem to have any control over things.  All the things I should be doing, I dont seem to be doing..  My life is in limbo and thats all you can say.

[Amanda_George]

How would you feel about volunteering somewhere?  Not just to make friends in your area, but to help your community and give you a break from being with your mum all the time?  Is there a community centre near you that you could go to?  Or a library?  Do you live close to water that you could go to for a few days a month or anything like that?     I don't have any friends around here either, so do understand that bit   

[Pip]

It's worth seeing if there are any lunch clubs in your area.  Generally they are in churches but people don't have to be Christians to go to them.  I used to volunteer at three a week and enjoyed it very much and made new friends. 

Quite a few churches have coffee mornings (or afternoons) as well.  Maybe your mother would enjoy that as she would be with people close to her age.  Popping into your local library may also help with ideas to get your mother out which, in turn, will give you a rest.

Be proud of yourself for being honest here and you are worthy of getting respect from your mother.

[lostmyway]

Yeah I need to get out of this house more.  It's just too easy to stay at home and do nothing.   When she is stressed and feels she just cannot cope with something, she just goes off.  4 yrs of being without a job, it's hardly a surprise I feel like I do right now, who wouldn't?

I lost motivation I think sometime ago and haven't managed to get it back. I'm not sure how to.  I will look into what's going on about community centres and library to see if theres anything interesting to go and do. PCs are fine but they don't get you out the house.