Im so tired of being taken for granted.

[Jess]

I wish i could say that this is a recent occurance but my friends and family have been taking me for granted for too long now and it is really bringing me down.
They all seem to overlook my emotions inorder to gain what they desire. A few weeks ago i was accepted into one of the best colleges in the U.K. without an interview, i have been given an instant place, my mother and siblings showed no reaction to this, they never praised or congratualted me, i know this may seem very petty to get upset over but for those of you who have read my previous posts you will have a better understanding of how hard i work to get what i wish. It's not just the lack of appreciance for my achievements, my family have also stopped asking how i am, or how my day has been, they just don't care.

I still have daily suicidal thoughts, i was so tempted to drown myself last night, then i wanted to overdose on my meedication. To add to these thoughts my parents asked me whether they think counselling would be a good idea for my younger sister, i was so angered by this request.

The other week my friend and I decided to do certain quizzes on the internet just to pass time. We took part on an online depression test, i took part as to not cause suspicion. My score was 28, anything over 16 was severly depressed, i know that it was just a online quiz nothing to be trusted, it was the response of my friends that caused confusion they all said "There is no way that you are depressed" - i wasn't sure how to respond so i just laughed. I'm cared of telling anybody i fear that they will not believe me, the last thng i need is somebody mocking my emotional well-being.

Thanks for reading.

Jess x

[lightenup]

Hi Jess firstly congratulations what a clever girl, sure we know that on here through your postings.  My mother was the same stopping me doing things and going places and making stay home from school to cook and clean and threatened me behind my Dads back if i told him. 

The big mistake was not being stronger but the bullying or being put down in comparison with siblings where degration.  When you go to college you will have a whole new life, and you should grab it with both hands.  My new life was getting married and having a child at 18, however I continued education with evening classes and had a good career path. 

Hold on to the good thoughts Jess you know you can do it, and prove yourself better than everything.  I think sometimes a jealousy runs in family, I still think my mum didn't really like the competition of having 2 daughters (my sister was the eldest) and she didn't like us being educated or being treated well by our husbands.  So fight Jess you know you are better, and you will meet a great circle of friends at uni/college I know my boys have.  Big (((hugs)))

[bel]

Well done Jess, getting the college place  %^&
I also understand how you feel; it wasn't quite so bad for me but I always did well at school and I never got praise or encouragement either, just expectations. It hurts, I know. But as lightenup says, you now have the ideal opportunity to move on and get what you want out of life and be with people more like yourself. As they say, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

[Sasha]

Congratualtions Jess, that is quite an achievment!!

Just wanted to say about your friends saying "there's no way you're depressed" - I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to tell your friends. Most of my friends don't know I'm depressed, and the ones I have told were very surprised! I do a great job of hiding my depression, in fact I generally come across and bubbly and giggly, not what you'd expect from a depressed person. Like you, I was worried about how my friends would react, thinking that they would not believe me cuz I don't seem "the type". I was pleasantly surprised by how my friends reacted when I told them. Yes, they were surprised, they didn't suspect it, but they didn't not believe me. They understood that it was something beyond my control, and that it was nothing for me to be ashamed of. It did not change the way they thought about me, although perhaps they make a little more effort to check how I'm doing. If your friends are half as nice as mine, which I'm sure they are, then I would definately recommend telling them about your depression. They will believe you, and they wont think any differently of you, you will just have more support and you will be able to be more open with your friends in the future. Opening up to them may even make you love and appreciate your friends even more.

Don't give up. Reach out to your friends for support and you will be glad you did.
Take care xx

[Jess]

Thank you all for your replies, reading them alway makes me feel a little better. I came so close to telling somebody about my depression the other day but a crushing fear stopped me once again.
I pray that one day i will have the strength and confidence to do so; but until that day occurs i will have to play the waiting game.

I am still havin detailed suicidal thoughts, i have even found my self planning my funeral in my head; i do try to think of things to distract myself but i am finding it so difficult.
I know i need help, i'm just to scared to find it.

Thanks again for taking your time to read and reply to my posts.

Take care, speak soon xx