Hello

[kern]

Hello All.

I have no idea what to type... To be honest I don’t really know why I joined (no offence) I have no
Idea what made me do it. !???! I just did. So I guess I shall take it as a sign that I needed to. Part of me thought that I would be caught by someone I know. Or am I supposed to post “Hi everyone! I’m depressed!” then leave?

What can I tell you about me, well I’m 29 living with my Boyfriend, We have no children and I have a rather understanding immediate family. Oh, and a cat.
I suffer from Depression and Agoraphobia. With the odd panic/ rage attack thrown in. I also suffer from OCD and I can’t stand physical contact with people outside my “safe circle”. I have been given the specific name for it but I can’t remember. (It took time to find agoraphobia. Not easy being depressed and dyslexic. Good job we have spellcheckers.) LoL
I can tell you that for the past 14-15 years I have been on a few different drugs to help. (I don’t have the greatest memory so I can’t give you a list and if it where not so late as I’m writing this I would go and look. Not that it matters none of them worked. At the min I’m on 2 different drugs (mild ones I worry too much about addiction) and they are not so great working for me.

Apart from all that I’m fine.
Thanks for having me. ♥ +=-

[Ezel]

 ^&* and hi

[screamer]

Hello there. Just doing my part. I didn't want to give any advice just yet but the first line of your post told me everything I needed to know.

You joined because you're depressed. I have a feeling that's what we're all here for, and it's because we are all experiencing the same thing. I'm hoping we won't be judged but only time will tell!

Take care and feel free to say hi back. I'm new too, this is only my second post! You're the first one I've said hi to!

I'm not going to say "chin up!" because if it was as easy as that, this forum wouldn't exist!

Take care hun, and realise you've made a big step towards your recovery by joining this forum.

[kern]

Thank you for the kind and welcoming words. ♥


A little more to add.

At this point it’s just good to know there are others out there in the world that feel the same as me or “suffer” too. (Sounds a little callous. LoL)
I’m not brilliant at explaining why I’m depress I guess there is a pile of stuff that’s meshed together over the years. Most of the time I think it is not worth making me depressed. So I feel some what ashamed of telling people why.
This is the most honest I’ve ever been and I’m not even telling much. So I guess I will try.

What I can tell you is that I have been depressed since I was small (young). As I have gotten older the worse it seems to get.
Right now I’m “lost” and feel some what imprisoned by my own morbid mind. I can’t really talk to any one. I could never burden my mother with it all (she works to hard and I never want her to be upset.) and even thought my Boyfriend is a great person he does not quite understand.  All the cat does is meow for food.

  I have no friends and not really likely to make any face to face due to the lack of outside activity I participate in. (some days I cant even go out in the garden.) I’m absolutely poop on a phone and if and its a big IF I do happen to meet someone new all I can think about is “where have they been” “what if they are dirty” and the personal best. “Touch me and die!” I have been known to become aggressive in the company of strangers (not Violent, save that for when I’m alone.)

One of my most dominating thoughts is: “I deserve what I get” actually said to me once by my wonderfully caring Farther. (Sarcasm alert!)
The rest of the time is a mixture of other equally encouraging thoughts.
The weirdest thing is I’m beginning to think I must be happy being depressed as its all I ever am. Sure I can smile at my family and even have a joke but inside I feel...well... sad or numb.
I gave up Smoking I gave up drinking as they apparently cause depression and I feel great now! (Ooops, theirs the sarcasm again.) All I got for giving them up is fatter and well I’m no better than I was really. &*(

I guess that’s all I’m gonna rant on about for the min.

Thanks for letting my words spew all over the page. ♥ +=-