intrusive negative thoughts and my depression

[lunawolfgirl]

  I have been suffering from depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life. I'm at a stage through years of experience I'm able to manage my 'low times well within reason. But recently I've been going through a real bad patch, can't drag myself out of the house or even the bed. I'm getting loads of intrusive persistent negative thoughts, it's like my whole perception of things are altered in a negative way.  Feel so worthless and completely incapable of motivating myself, none of the usual remedies are working for me just now. HELP :scared003:

[Pip]

  I suffer with OCD, as well as severe depression and PTSD, so I'm not a 'typical' person who suffers with depression.  When I get that depressed my OCD kicks in so I have to keep my days ordered to the extent that it can drive my husband mad.

Just take baby steps for now such as getting up for half an hour - do you have any hobbies that could help?

[Amanda_George]

It's OK to have times when you don't feel able to get out of bed some days!  I'm pretty sure everyone here has felt like that to some degree at some point!  You're allowed to stay in bed all day if you feel you need to - it's all part of your depression.  You wouldn't expect someone who had a broken leg to run a marathon and it's just the same for you and all of us... you want to run the marathon but your broken leg is stopping you right now!

 

[lunawolfgirl]

Thank you for your kind replies Pip and Amanda.
I wonder if I maybe have an OCD disorder too, as it's obsessive thoughts, or if there is some co relation with it and my more deep depression. When I'm usually depressed I'm unmotivated and miserable but at least have peace of mind. This Intrusive thoughts is like mental torture.....I am trying distraction but easier said than done. My son thinks I should get a pet for distraction.  hobbies are exercise related but again struggling for the motivation.
This might sound strange but when I get really bad I don't just lay in bed, I draw the curtains and don't want the light on or tv etc. Another reason for joining this group is when you mention that to some folk its like they think I'm weird so you feel like there is nowhere to offload.  Sorry for rambling on

[Amanda_George]

Might be worth a trip to your GP to ask about a referral to a psychiatrist to see if they can let you know if you have OCD?  I've got OCD too but had to wait for Dr Invisible to diagnose me.  Maybe write a letter to your GP listing all your symptoms and asking for a referral then either take the letter with you to an appointment of post it to them if you want it in writing?  That's what I did with my previous GP!

I've been where you are, when the light and noise makes you feel worse or something?  I curled up on the sofa crying my eyes out or trying to take my life when it all got too much.  You're not weird, Luna, you're ill and it doesn't sound like you have any meds to help you   

[lunawolfgirl]

Ye that's exactly it, when I'm like this I cant stand any noise or light, I need to unplug or something.

No I'm not on any meds...... and it seems to take forever to get booked into my Gp.  Was on paroxetine years ago but it didn't do that much. Maybe I should book an appointment, just hate feeling like a burden.

[Amanda_George]

Yup, I needed to unplug too... that's such a great way to think of it!  Thank you Luna!

Maybe you could make the appointment on Monday with your GP then spend the waiting time working on the letter?  You're not a burden to anyone, you're ill, it's just that it's an invisible illness is all!   

[lunawolfgirl]

 I will phone GP on Monday get an appointment, can not go on like this.


Thanks for help and time  :smile:

[Amanda_George]

You shouldn't have to either, Luna.  It's their job to help you and they studied for years wanting to help their patients so you should go to your GP and ask for their help and support   

[Pip]

I understand how you feel about going to your GP as I feel like that whenever I go.  What probably doesn't help was being raised in a family who were all as tough as old boots so my sister, cousins and I had to be dying (well that's how it felt at times  ) before we saw a doctor.  For me what didn't help was verbal and emotional abuse from my mum so I was in denial for many years that I was depressed.  My 'rock bottom' happened in 2005 and I did go to see my then doctor who told me I had obviously been severely depressed for many years.

[lunawolfgirl]

Ye

I have a family that's got a "pull yourself together" attitude, they can be really harsh (hence me needing an outlet). I do feel sometimes the doctors haven't got time too.
I think I'm a naturally shy person too so things are harder for me to cope with especially with this deep depression I'm in.
I did manage to get an appointment for next Thursday with GP.....I'm still hibernating and teary.  :scared003: