Feeling Socially Isolated

[heatherm2211]

Hi everyone, I used to come on here a lot earlier last year (2010) - usually giving out advice but now I think I would like to ask for some.

So heres the situation. I was suffering from bad depression and anxiety for a couple of years after my twin sister passing away and my Grandma passing away not long after and managed to become a lot LOT better through a combination of Anti Depressants, Bereavement Counselling and CCBT. I actually saw my GP yesterday to review my tablets and he thinks I'm ready to slowly come off them altogether if I feel comfortable :)

When I was going through the worst of my depression, I was in my first year of College and I had to leave towards the end of the year because the depression was too much to handle with my College work and exams. After counselling etc, I re-enrolled to re do my first year again in September, and I'm still going and doing really well work wise. But I do have a problem that has been getting me really down.

Because I am 1 or 2 years older than mostly everyone in my classes, re-sitting my first year and a lot more mature than everyone because of what I've been through, I just feel totally different compared to everyone else. At first, I thought feeling this different was a good thing, because I was so proud of myself for getting a lot better and carrying on. Don't get me wrong, I still feel that way, but it's the social side of College I'm really worried about. I'm a pretty shy person, and that’s acceptable at the start of the College year when you don't know anyone. But after 6 months into the first year, everyone has got to know each other and made their 'friendship' groups and has stuck with them. I, on the other hand, haven't and it's making me feel really alone and very anxious again.

[heatherm2211]

I haven't made any new close friends that I can relate to, but everybody else has. I spend my college days completely on my own, just reading or doing work in my spare time. I eat my lunch on my own, and I normally can’t face going to sit in the canteen or other places where you’re allowed to eat because so many people are in there, and due to a bad experience in my first year, when a group of older students laughed at me for being on my own, I get very anxious in that situation. Instead I just sit outside the classroom I am going into next and eat my lunch there. People do look and discuss with their friends that they feel sorry for me being on my own, and this makes me feel even worse. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to eat at all at College because I have to do it alone where everyone can see I have no friends. I do have a couple of close friends outside of college but I don’t see them very often. And I obviously have my family, they make me feel better so don’t worry I’m not completely on my own, it’s just at college I’m struggling.

I just feel majorly socially isolated from everyone else, and it’s even starting to affect my effort and work in class because I get so down about it. Today for example, I just felt invisible, like no one noticed I was there and I hardly did any work which isn’t like me. I don’t want to be in this situation anymore, but I don’t want to be in a situation where I’m just in college for friends and not do any work because of it, a balance of both would be really ideal.

I’ve talked to my GP about it, and he said that I should try enrichment again (I tried doing Photography but I stopped going in the end because the teacher was rubbish and the class was really unpopular lol) and try to make friends with people who have the same interests as me. I break up for half term on Thursday so I’ll have a break before I try this best I can.

[heatherm2211]

Can anyone give me any advice on making new friends and starting conversations etc? If you have it would be much appreciated, sorry for ranting on so long! Hope you are all coping/doing well xx

[junior]

Welcome back to the forum, Im sorry you are struggling, not eating really isnt the answer as that could cause more problems, maybe next time your in class you could talk to the person next to you be say something like, sorry but im a little lost what are we ment to do, just something small to start a conversation.
Take care junior

[SocialServicesFighter]

Are there any 'clubs' at the college during the lunch breaks?
For want of a better example, Chess.

Maybe even start one up yourself based on a hobby or past-time you enjoy yourself.
Keep it free to join, so like minded people will be interested.

When it comes to making friends, the best ones are those who share similar interests, not those who are just popular.

Just an idea.

[bel]

Hi Heather,
First of all I'd like to say really well done for getting through all those troubles and for going back to college, you are a very strong and brave person  %^&
I'm not the most social person either so I know how painful it can be. I also think joining a club of some sort would be a good idea. You say that people say they are sorry for you for being on your own, could you just ask if you can sit with them at lunchtime or whatever. Don't feel you have to be a sparkling wit or anything, just be with them, and maybe you'll find you start to get more relaxed with them and have something to say. Easy to say and very hard to do, I know.
Best wishes, bel

[lightenup]

Hi Heather, great to see you back.  As Bel says clap yourself on the back for your achievements, for me it is difficult to advise you other than your are going to be the one to make the effort.  Don't be fooled by others bravo as you can be assured some of them are not as forward as they seem, but just have the pack mentality.  When my son went to Uni away from home he made a really good friend because he just sat beside her and started to talk to her, she laughs about it now because she felt isolated and was on her own. They probably think your more mature and don't know how to approach you. Take care  )(*
     

[heatherm2211]

Thankyou for everyone's replies and support  :)

Yeah, I'll definately try Enrichment (clubs etc) again after my half term holiday (I finished today  ()_ ) as I was going to do that anyway, and I'll see how I go.

Thanks again, I'll let you all know how I get on xx
 

[Shenanigans]

Good look with that Heather. once you get started it will ger easyer, and your confidence will rise to. :)

[sashj]

Hi. I totally understand as I had a very similar experience in my first year at uni. I was away from home for the first time, missing my partner and family and a bit older than most of my peers and younger than the mature students, so I didn't really feel I fitted in anywhere. It took nine months till I started socialising! So I know where you are coming from. Apart from the times my boyfriend visited I felt stuck in a rut and spent most of my time feeling quite low in my own room. In the end, I decided I had to try and make the best of things when he wasn't around to keep me company, so I got talking to some of the more mature students and finally accepted an invitation to go for a drink with them. After that, I found I was included in other outings and sometimes I went, sometimes I didn't, but I was always asked. I also got to know some other people from my course and other courses through my new friends, so really, you just have to take the plunge that one time and I'm sure a good social life will follow! Try asking if you can join a group sat at lunch, or take the opportunity to work on a project together with some peers or suggest a study group for a particularly tough element of your course. You'll soon be making lots of new friends! :) Good Luck!!!

[Ezel]

Hi Heather,

How is life now, are you making new friends now?

Pip xx