Sorry to hear the situation you're in.
I would have recommended a Doc but you've been there already big time.
You should definitely consult the Doc if you're thinking of upping your intake of pills though. Nobody should ever get dependent on
those horrible things.
Don't worry about the crying thing, the best two ways to let pent up emotions out, are laughter and tears. Never anger or doubt.
Crying is a good thing, don't hold back and think "why am I crying?".
If you need the toilet, you wouldn't hold it for the sake of holding it.
Let it out. Your body obviously needs the release (so to speak).
Personally, for gathering my thoughts, I've found a big help is music, especially when I sit in a dark room with my eyes closed.
Something with a melody and a decent riff in the middle.
Queen, Aerosmith, Paloma Faith (though these are my own preferences!!).
One artist in particular is french musician Wally Badarou and his Echoes album. It's hard to get hold of these days but if you can get a copy, do so.
Good luck.
