I wish i could explain

[Shenanigans]

I just wrote about a hundred lines, and i deleted it, If you would have wread it you would think  "And What?".  "£$ yet as i was writing i was shaking and getting realy worked up. i have an appointment with a guy from the MH service this week. it will be my first contact. im worred that i wont be able to get the help i need because i cant explain why i need help. im worred ill just get anger manegement and anti-depressant tablets. I dont want it. I dont want to conform and not care about why i am the way i am, i want to fix it.

[junior]

Welcome to the forum, a lot of people with depression dont understand why they have it as it could be any number of things that have happened or are happening in you life, the only way I know of to find the root of the problem or problems is to talk.
Hope your appointment goes well.
Junior

[Shenanigans]

Thankyou Junior, and your rite. I am looking forward to the appointment, just a bit nervious i think. Things should get better from then on.  :)

[SocialServicesFighter]

Sounds like you've made some progress already with seeing a Doctor.

To let you know what may happen:
If the Doc you're seeing is a bog standard NHS Mental Health Doctor, you'll probably have a few meetings with him before any actual therapeutic work gets underway.
He'll more than likely give you a diary to fill out for a week or two so he can analyse your day to day feelings so he can find the correct path for you to take.
Might sound like a pain in the arse having to wait but...

These NHS mental Doctors tend not to jump to conclusions and prefer to study your moods/feelings/mentality over a period of time, meaning it'll take a few weeks to get a decent and, most importantly, a correct diagnosis, so be patient and the help you need will come.

[Shenanigans]

Thankyou, that makes good sence realy, I seriosly didnt have a clue what might happen. but yea getting help is a big move forward, i feel i did a lot in a few days, i just couldent bare it any more, went to the doctors, she gave me the number to call and they interviewed me on the phone for about 20 minits and they told me to do something to make me feel better. i had long hari since i was about 17 and i got the lot chopped off. people cant recognise me lol, but its a confidence boost.

[junior]

A change in your looks can change how you feel about yourself, its like leaving the old depressed you in the the past, it really helped me.
Junior

[lightenup]

Hi Shenanigans, going to Dr is a start, for me admitting I am unwell is another and something that I still battle with, I think my head is about 10% logical and 90% illogical, if you know what I mean.  On top of the tiredness and the inabilitly to get my brain to shut down is unbelievable to me, having to deal with the frustartion and rage is scarey.

Going to Cbt at the moment, and encouraging me to do something I enjoy is a sort of task, my husband watches over me as I tend to forget about the cooker and temperature and time.  Having written out the recipe for boiled fruit cake, line by line....................I still forgot the butter ........so everything in the bin and I cried.  However I cannot let this bloody illness grind me down.

With everyone else on here I wish you well in your recovery, I know it helps me posting my frustrations on here.  BTW there is always others I think who may not post and only read the posts that get help in knowing the trials we all have.  Take care )(*     

[Shenanigans]

Thankyou junior  and lightenup. Yea i think getting my hair cut helped, even though i went and got a hat the next day, lol. I was readind a leaflet about cbt when i was at the doctors, i requested it, but i dont realy know how that works, but they will explain to me tomorrow if thats what i need. as for  making silly errors, im doing it all the time, my mind is allways trying to be somewere else.

[bel]

Hats are cool  *&^
Talking is good, and writing. I'm not sure it's possible to fix depression without some understanding of where it has come from, if only so that you can understand that it's not your fault, that it is a kind of defence mechanism. Then you can learn to accept yourself, to deal with life and move towards the life you want. It takes time of course, and help. Sound like you're making a good start  :).

[Shenanigans]

Thankyou bel. Im trying so hard, and in the last 3 weeks ive done alot, and my dad is proud of me. I still fly off the handle but i feel better supported. My best friend has been coming on skype to make sure im ok, but she cant stay on alot because its been messing up her computer. The people on the forum have been super cool, and i think im looking forward to meeting people face to face on thursday. ide of been more warred if i hadent been on hear.