I'm new and a little unsure of myself

[Randomman]

i thought i'd be brave and join your forum. i've not done anything like this before. I've read some of the posts and you all seem very supportive. In the future I hope i can be as supportive. I have Depression and Anxiety. i take 300mg Venlafaxine and 50mg Quetiapine daily. I've had two major breakdowns in the last 18 months. I feel as though i am making some progress but last week i began feeling the low creeping up on me again. that is why i felt it time to join a community who would understand the difficulties others go through.

Even now, having written that short passage i feel a bit of relief.   :big grin: Hello to all of you.

Randomman

[SteveW]

I don't post as much as I used to but I thought I would insert my welcome. I hope you get some benefit from here. I'm sure you can be supportive of other people already. 18 months of Depression and Anxiety is quite enough to learn a lot about how it all feels.

I am sorry that you are experiencing a bit of a downturn. Most people with depression experience ups and downs in the depth of how bad they feel. I hope you find yourself returning to how you were not long ago without any intervention.

You are on a solid dose of Venlafaxine. I had to give up well below that on grounds of feeling like death. I hope you tolerate it better than I did. I have never met anyone given Quetiapine for Anxiety, although I have run across several people who took 50 mg at night for sleep. With any luck it will do the trick for you.

Hope to read many posts from you in the future.

Love

Steve

[Randomman]

Thank you SteveW. I have so much inside me. Some of which has been exposed during therapy sessions. Part of me wants to lay it all bare, here on this forum. But, as experienced during many sessions of C.A.T. (Cognitive Analytic Therapy), once it is out there it's out there. No longer controlled by many years of perfected internalisation. The current episode of depression is the most recent in a long history, spanning 30 years. Many of those years it was hidden, or at least not recognised, least of all by me. I think we often just keep going, pushing against the tide. Then, as many would know, the impenetrable  wave strikes. The first time I experienced that was in 1995 when my sister died at the age of 27. I just crashed. i guess, an understandable reaction to the death of someone close to me. But it's my belief that the experience changed me, permanently.

Sorry, but, not to ignore your comment on the quetiapine, It was explained that it would go to work on my anxiety in leaving the house and would also improve the efficacy of the venlafaxine.

Thanks again for responding to my original post. i do appreciate any input.

[Pip]

 :hi: I tend to go very 'quiet' when I'm severely depressed  but wanted to let you know that members are friendly here and will help when we can.  I haven't taken the medication you're taking so can't comment from lack of knowledge of them.

[Randomman]

Hi Pip. thank you for your reply. i hope to play an active part in these forums. I find it funny (odd funny, not amusing funny) how much easier it is to say encouraging things to others that are going through a bad time than it is to say those things to myself. Does that ring any bells with you? I hope, if you are in a bad place right now that it passes soon and that you begin to feel more able to manage.

it's nice to 'belong' to something.

[stewart]

Hi Randomman, Welcome to the forums.
we are a friendly bunch and try to help each other with tips and advice
hope you have a good time here and find it helpfull

[SteveW]

I hope you do decide to write here. Because of the anonymity information is only really out to yourself. Writing is therapeutic itself I think, There is an amount of scientific evidence for that as well as common sense. I think you can gain by posting in other peoples threads as well as any benefit they may get.

CAT is interesting. It isn't something I have consumed or delivered, although I did buy a book by Ryle who is supposed to have formulated it quite a few years ago now. If people here write about therapy it is usually drug based. I wish people would write about experiences of talking therapies more. It might help people contemplating therapy.

I am sure you are right about traumatic events changing people for ever. I lost my long term partner six years ago and it looks like the changes it caused in me aren't going away. I don't regard it as being at all likely that things will alter in the future. But just how much people can overcome sometimes, never ceases to surprise me.

Hope things are well with you generally and that you have a good and peaceful evening.

Love

Steve

[Pip]

I find it funny (odd funny, not amusing funny) how much easier it is to say encouraging things to others that are going through a bad time than it is to say those things to myself. Does that ring any bells with you?

Sorry, I have had a hectic week so didn't a chance to respond.  Sundays I'm at church twice, Mondays I'm at the church my husband is a steward in the morning as the chapel is open for quiet time and there's a mens group in the hall, Tuesdays and Thursdays I volunteer at the lunch club at the church I'm a member off, and, on Fridays we used to be members off.  All three churches are in the same circuit with my husband being a steward at one church as he does more there whereas I do more at the other one we attend.  This week has been a bit different as we had to get our dog to the vets for a check up as he has had a bad problem with his skin due to allegies and our two cats have had a general health check ~ this was on Wednesday.  We also wanted the kitten spayed so she was back on Thursday and we picked her up in the afternoon.  On top of all that we have fitted in going to the gym, sauna, steam room and swim.

I think it is a common factor with people who suffer with depression to encourage others but not ourselves.  I hid suffering with depression from my husband for about 12 years until a chain of events set it off severely.  He suffers with depression (over 30 years) so I was the strong one and it came as shock to find out that I have suffered with severe depression all my adult life as I was an expert at hiding it.  Encouraging others is good as you can empathise with them and in turn can help yorself.