I had been doing really well in terms of mood and well being up until 6 months ago. I had been working at Carphone Warehouse (who I will have NOTHING to do with in future due to how they treated me) for 9 months as a customer consultant, my mood was positive and I had a routine which kept me busy enough to not think about things too much. After 9 months working there, they decided that, despite me having the highest customer satisfaction rating in the country, yes, in the COUNTRY, I wasn't selling enough insurance on the phones I sold (I'm not going to rant about that here too much, but suffice to say, the target was 50% of devices sold should take insurance, which is impossible to meet without lying to customers or misleading them and hugely immoral since the target didn't take into account whether or not the insurance was even suitable for the customer). Basically, I wasn't willing to lie or cheat, if the customer didn't want or need the insurance after my pitch, I would let it drop. Apparently integrity wasn't what the company was looking for. Anyway, I was unceremoniously laid off, much to the disgust of the customers I told about it in the weeks leading up to my last shift.
Anyway, that put my confidence way down. In the 6 months since, my job search has been completely fruitless. I have a degree in computer science, which feels like it was a waste of time and only put me in a huge amount of debt. I haven't so much as had an interview. I rarely even get a response from an employer, and on the rare occasions when I do, it's always "Sorry, we won't be progressing your application any further, since we had a high number of applications, we won't be providing feedback." Thanks for the kick in the teeth, you're rejecting me, and won't even say why. I'm completely broke, living with my parents who have to pay my bills for car insurance etc. since I have no money to pay them, which is humiliating for me and frustrating for them.
I feel like a complete and utter failure. I have no self esteem, especially with constant crap in the media about how the government is "cracking down" on the unemployed and making it harder to live without a job since we are all apparently some kind of scrounging scum.
My social life has disappeared, I rarely see anyone aside from my parents. I probably speak about 3 times per day.
I send out 10+ job applications a day, but get about 1 response (read: rejection) per month. My best friend from university was in the same boat a couple of years back and ended up taking his own life, I'm not at that point, but I can see why he did, what hope do we have, after all?
I even spoke to a woman from an employment agency today who told me that "the world doesn't owe you a living" and thus I should forget about working in IT since employers don't want graduates. Thanks for making me feel utterly worthless. Thanks for telling me that I wasted my time working for a degree. I told her to "f**k off" and hung up because I was so upset by how arrogant and completely insensitive she was. Apparently these are the kinds of people who work at employment agencies. If they don't listen to you and hear the "kerching!" of commission, they won't lift a finger.
And so, lately, my mood has become more and more black. I'm constantly irritable, bored and miserable. I have no confidence. All the work I did to improve my mind has gone down the pan and there seems to be no end in sight. I feel like I have no place or purpose in life and I'm just existing.
Sorry for the essay, I just need to get this all out because it's making my life a complete and utter misery.
