I have suffered depression since I was about 14. When I was 19 they said it was post natal depression. When I was 23 they said I was manic, when I was 27 I had a major breakdown but never went to a doctor. When I was 31 I was diagnosed as depressed.
This was all after years of self-harm, drug use, and 2 failed marriages and 4 kids. I saw various social workers, councellors over the years but never told anyone my full story.
I have been on anti-depressants since 1993. In 1999 I was told I had borderline personality disorder and PTSD.
I attended a psychiatric hospital as a day patient for nearly a year but then due to politics and boundry changes that service was no longer available to me. The following year I started attending the Theraputic Community but after 6 weeks it was too much for me and I stopped going.
I am now 53 and for the last 5 years I have been in constant pain.
First they told me I had low thyroid, then they told me it was because I had developed type 2 diabetes (and they stopped my anti-psychotic medication I had been on for 4 years because they said it could cause diabetes). They said the pain was from diabetes.
Over the last 3 years I have pain everywhere, I am so depressed and forgetful and in the last 18 months my hands and feet tingle and go numb.
They tested me for osteoarthritis and said I only have mild bits.
My tempreture control is shot. I am too hot when everyone else is cold and go shopping in the winter in just a t-shirt and leggings. But then I get too cold and become so cold I have to go to bed with my clothes on, two blankets and a hot water bottle (then of course I get too hot again)
Now they tell me all this is the menopause (I dont get hot flashes or night sweats but do wake up feeling sick and still have regular periods)
I have got to the point where I don't think there is any point in living. I am in so much pain sometimes I can't even cut my food or lift a cup of tea.
I am on so many pain killers they wont give me any more. I have a tens machine and have had osteopathy and accupuncture (neither of which I could really afford)
I have given up going to my hospital appointments. It is so far away, I have no one to go with me, and I have panic attacks travelling on public transport. I have lost faith in my GP.
I know this forum is not very busy and don't really expect anyone to reply but I just needed to vent to someone.
